|Reviews for Shady Business|
| Jeremy R Walker chapter 1 . 2/10/2010
I like the character hope to see him again in something I especially like his gear
| DeepSeaDragon chapter 1 . 1/17/2010
I liked it. The Mirage/Jordan has a very interesting gig. If you ever follow this up or use the character again, I'd like to get to know the guy a little better. As a one-shot, however, this works.
You've been writing a lot of these little one-shots lately. It must be good to stretch those writin' muscles a little while taking a break from the big projects. I should try it myself.
| Michael Panush chapter 1 . 1/13/2010
This is a very interesting idea, and I really like the concept of this modern-day corporate espionage super thief/hero. But I think the narrative and the writing could use a little work.
The narrative here seemed more like a way to introdouce the character than to tell a story. He didn't encounter any hassles in his robbery, didn't really face any problems to his operations, and there was never really a rise of tension and a climax. Maybe it was supposed to be just an introduction to the character, and the next chapter (or story or something) would show him going against some obstacle or someone trying to take him down or something like that. If that was the case, it worked fine. I am curious to know more about his personal life, what drives him, his background, and that sort of thing.
The writing also seemed a little basic. You had detailed descriptions in there, and it was easy to follow and understand. Some of the scenes were pretty cool. But some cool lines, metaphors or descriptions just weren't in there. I urge you to keep trying.
Well, good job, and I hope I see more of the Mirage.