Can I just say how ridiculously dramatic Alys is? I feel like she really over analyzes everything. Her inner monologue is like a poem and she feels like she knows every single detail about someone because of a couple of facial expressions. She calls Hayden a 'man,' as if he's not some 17 year old kid, and she freaked out when he looked at her for half a second. I don't understand why she would think that he would ruin her life, even if she did know his "~true self~." I don't doubt that Hayden is this horrible monster she makes him out to be, though because she's the main character, so of course, this insight of hers is accurate to some degree. I'm sorry if I'm being too judgmental because I do like the idea of the story and some of the characters too.

This story... Oh my.. Beautiful. You've captured the PTSD correctly. The pain. The way people can act. I read this in a day and a half because of how well you've ensnared my interest. (Claps and eagerly awaits the next masterpiece.)

Wow, this is so awesome. You are an amazing writer. This isn't the type of story I would usually like but the way you are doing it is AMAZING!

I'm intrigued.. *raised eyebrows*

I've discovered that my reviews aren't displaying when I'm logged in, so I'll try leaving one this way. This story is so exciting and interesting! Every chapter reveals something new, but it also brings up more questions. I can't wait to find out more about Hayden! I love when he lets down his guard, because he's so controlled most of the time. I also enjoyed that glimpse of his attraction to Alys.

Wow, that scene with Jackson was so creepy and intense. My nerves were on edge while I was reading it. I hadn't considered him any kind of a threat until now. I already hated him before, but I didn't know what a predator he is. I underestimated him, and it seems that I've misjudged Doctor Augustine. That was really quite an emotional scene for her. Don't worry about it being too intense. I love it!

This is the most fascinating and exciting story! Every chapter is so good, and there is always something I didn't expect. I had written off Jackson as not much of a threat, but he returned to the forefront of people who must be stopped. That was such a tense scene, and it had me on edge the whole time. It seems I underestimated him, and that I might have misjudged Doctor Augustine. This story has had my head spinning with so many questions, and it doesn't cease even as I get some answers. I'm so excited to find out more about Hayden! I love seeing him let his guard down, because he's so controlled most of the time. Also, this story could never be too intense for me. I love it!

Hi there!

Thank you for yet another chapter. It was a good one in my opinion, and yes Alys seemed a bit intense but I guess I am too 'normal' to understand, which is fine by me. I still like the story, and I will still be reading it.
Anyway, I do want to know Hayden's big secret so I hope you'll release the next chapter soon. You wouldn't want to leave us hanging too long, would you? :)

Finally. At least they're back on talking terms. Can't wait for the next chapter where we finally know his last

I have to say that I have become somewhat obsessed with this story. I really enjoy it and just wasn't to encourage you to keep writing.

I felt like I was watching a soap opera with that ending kiss there haha. Will we get to see Hayden's POV anytime soon?

Argh. You're doing it again! Okay - maybe I'll use examples this time. I toyed about giving some in the last chapter, but I'm a lazy bugger. Okay, I will give a dictionary definition of a semi-colon: a punctuation mark (;) indicating a pause, typically between two main clauses, that is more pronounced than that indicated by a comma. This is copied and pasted straight from google (because again I'm a lazy bugger.)

Definition of a main clause: a clause that can form a complete sentence standing alone, having a subject and a predicate.

Subordinate clause: a clause, typically introduced by a conjunction, that forms part of and is dependent on a main clause (e.g. ‘when it rang’ in ‘she answered the phone when it rang’).

COPY AND PASTE FINITO.

Now, I'll apply this using examples that relate to your work.

But his vengeance seemed to reach further, his anger lay with the state; though I did not know why.

A good way of knowing whether there's a subordinate clause in your sentence is to split it into two sentences.

But his vengeance seemed to reach further, his anger lay with the state. Though I did not know why. Now, take the 'Though I did not know why' separately. Does it make sense on it's lonesome? If there was a blank A4 page, and you just typed that? HELL NO. It needs context.'Though' is a subordinating conjunction, like 'although' 'and' 'since' etc etc, and is used to attach subordinate clauses to MAIN clauses.

However if you take the above example and said,

'But his vengeance seemed to reach further(;) his anger lay with the state though I did not know why' - EVEN BETTER! A star for my pupil. Another example: 'But I fearfully wondered if my insanity would get out; if Doctor Augustine would capture it."

Again, put 'if Doctor Augustine would capture it' on a blank A4 - capture what? huh? There's no context for it to make sense!

Also, in dialogue:

"I was in the Bureau Building," I whispered softly, "And..."
With dialogue tags splitting up dialogue, no need to capitalize.
Should be:
"I was in the Bureau Building," I whispered softly, "and..."

"What a mess this has become." he sighed.
Should be: "What a mess this has become," he sighed. Commas before dialogue tags please! Only place a period, if there ISN'T a dialogue tag. Dialogue tags are: said, pleaded, sniped, groaned, growled etc etc

I am crazy tempted to offer to be your beta. CRAZY tempted.
But I won't. I think you said you were editing this? Maybe you can catch all these beauties the second time round? Hope so!

For me, these are so distracting it actually pulls me from the narrative. SPG are meant to be like light fittings - there to hold the story up but not meant to be noticed. I think I will wait for a few more chapters, and for you to finish the editing process - or my nerves will be shot. I don't know what's happening. Maybe you're extra busy, and just knocking these chapters up, whatever? But that can't be right! You paragraph very well and you capitalize pronouns - surely a mark of someone who is giving a shit. Were the earlier chapters like this? I can't remember!

Overall, I would give you an A for your plot and style
And a D- for your punctuation. Maybe a C if you're lucky.

So excited for this story! :)

Writer, your story is one of the finer quality ongoing stories on this site ]

# All hands on deck.. All in the front all in the back just like that..#

Oh my gosh I'm in love with this story.
I finished reading the first 28 chapters in 2 days because it's amazing.
What I really like about this is that it's all a solid truth. I see a lot of stories where people completely glide over any problems that occur after domestic violence or abuse. Or, the author knows nothing about what they're writing about and makes the story a pain to read.
I get so involved in your stories, and sometimes I honestly feel like crying. Like after this chapter, except I didn't realize I nearly was until I finished reading. :')
Can't wait to see where the story goes! Good luck with irl stuffs.
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