|Reviews for The Gun and the Piano|
| Arait chapter 1 . 2/16/2010
Woo, this is pretty neat. I like the whole comparison between musician and killer. You really played it out well, like the whole thing was one big metaphor. That was a surprise ending, but one really had to suspect a surprise ending. Either way, awesome.
| Rose Alexandra chapter 1 . 1/17/2010
The pianist flexes his elegant fingers and weaves fairytales, crooning love-stories, beneath the pale, pale moon. That sentence makes me swoon a little bit. It is seriously beautiful. and conjures music that tint the moon with blood. Minor detail, but it should probably be tints instead of tint. Likely just a typo, I’m sure.
The first section of this story had me hooked. I absolutely had to read on. That doesn’t happen to me often – I get bored easily, but the beginning of this story left me stunned.
I found your writing to be very special. I truly enjoyed the way you write, which is something that often times I do not. I am not normally fond of particularly descriptive and – for lack of a better word – flowery writing. However, yours floored me. I was held captivated by every single word you wrote. I loved the repetition that you used in the beginning and the end of the piece, as well as the brevity of each paragraph. Everything was very smooth, like rocks that you find on a beach.
I also really liked the way that your scenes flowed. There was no disconnect between each bit, and they were all very cohesive and seemed whole.
I thought that the ending was very good as well – unexpected, for me at least. Despite the formality of the narrative, I felt for the characters in a way that I hadn’t thought I would. I was brought nearly to tears, to be honest, though that may have something to do with the fact that I’ve been awake a tad too long.
I thought that the plot was quite nice as well. It wasn’t particularly obvious at first what the plot was, but once it was established it was nicely dealt with, though a bit briskly. I wish I could pick a scene that I liked best, but trying to find one that pops out is proving rather difficult. They were all so good.
I think that this is definitely something that surprised me, in a good way. I wasn’t expecting what I got when I started it, and I wasn’t disappointed at all. I will definitely be reading other pieces you’ve written. Also, I’ve never actually read a Western that I liked before. So you’ve definitely got something good here.
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 1/14/2010
Opening - Let me just say I adored your opening scene. The parallels between the two concepts, the romantic style... beautiful. You used just the right amount of just the right kind of description.
One thing for your opening and ending:
"The pianist flexes his elegant fingers and weaves fairytales, crooning love-stories, beneath the pale, pale moon. The pianist does not sleep at night; he is night, and a part of the shadows."
"The pianist plays his nocturnes below a crescent moon, and some say his music still rustles the ash trees. The pianist wears a pair of gloves that are white as snow. The pianist does not sleep at night because he is the night."
I feel like "the pianist" in these sentences (save for the first sentence of the paragraph, should be changed to "he". Since you reuse "the pianist" at the beginning of every paragraph, it seems to be overdoing it a bit. Maybe it's just the way it falls on my ears.
The pianist flexes his elegant fingers and weaves fairytales, crooning love-stories, beneath the pale, pale moon. He does not sleep at night; he is night, and a part of the shadows.
The pianist plays his nocturnes below a crescent moon, and some say his music still rustles the ash trees. He wears a pair of gloves that are white as snow. He does not sleep at night because he is the night.
Writing - When I reviewed another of your stories, I commented on your overbearing description, but I don't think this piece had that problem at all. It moved along much swifter but didn't take away from the creeping, poetic feel that makes your style unique. Nicely done and fun to read.
Plot - Since you asked, I think you covered the plot well. This piece uses an unusual scene dividing style and metaphorical phrases, and your plot adapted well to that. I could follow the story well, but I was sort of confused as to why the pianist/killer shot Rosanna, unless the reason is somewhere in the deep italicized ending. Or perhaps it was meant to be a mystery, like the main character was? Or perhaps he killed her to make Paco feel what he felt? Am I looking into this too much?
Scene - I liked how you used ideas you had set up earlier in the story ("he's never held a gun", cards, etc.) and use them to give further meaning to its conclusion. Gorgeous descriptions, as always. The pace of this scene worked well also. The ending was shocking and sure to be remembered, but chilling artistic.
Also, for the word choice between "killer" and "murderer", I think you should stick to "killer". Although "murderer" would work better in some sentences, such as:
But he abandoned it long ago when he became a murderer.
I think "killer" is a crisper word and is better since you use it so much.
| James Wells chapter 1 . 1/14/2010
Wonderful. Thoroughly metre to it. Thank you.