|Reviews for Something To Live For|
| RuciliaChrisSpellson chapter 1 . 7/2/2012
I like it!
| swamp13 chapter 1 . 12/17/2010
so, at the last moment, you left me hangin! that so not cool. lol. (: please put another chapter up (:
| Anna Cate chapter 1 . 3/13/2010
I like it, but I'm a bit distracted by your punctuation. I know, I'm a grammar dork, but dialogue is written as follows:
"This is a statement," she said.
"This is a statement," he said, "interrupted by description."
"I'm shouting now!" they shouted.
"Is this a question?" we asked.
So, for example, the last thing Enola (interesting name, I like it) says should be written as,
"I wasn't that cute," Enola mumbled.
Notice I removed the adverb "humbly." These are description words, but they aren't always necessary. You can convey the fact that she was humble just by what she's saying. Try using verbs to describe something. For example, "skipped" in place of "ran happily," or "whispered" in place of "spoke quietly." The more you vary your vocabulary, the more rich and interesting the story becomes, and you didn't even have to change a thing of the plot!
| SecretAgent99 chapter 2 . 1/21/2010
Ooh, I really liked this chapter, especially the parts in italics. It's really interesting, and I can't wait to find out what happens next! :D
| SecretAgent99 chapter 1 . 1/21/2010
Hi, there, I'm from the forum you requested a review on. :) So far, the story is good, with very little grammatical mistakes. There are just some parts though at the begining where you describe all the clothes and such in such detail that it gets a little boring. You don't always have to describe what someone is wearing unless it's super important, and doing this doesn't annoy the readers as much then when someone describes every single article of clothing they have on. :)
| Kurisuten chapter 2 . 1/19/2010
Ryan liking Brittany is a nice little twist, albeit a LITTLE predictable, but not to the point of being completely cliche. I do feel like the scenes move rather fast, and Enola's feelings change rather quickly. It takes a long time for these things to heal, even with the attitude that she accepted it with. I know this from personal experiences that give me an idea of how this would feel. Other than that, it is still well written and intriguing. Watch out for missed punctuation and run-on sentences, they seem to be your weak point ;) but other than that everything was good and I can't wait to read more. Hope this review doesn't suck :D
Update soon :)
| Chingggy chapter 1 . 1/19/2010
Somehow I'm a bit nervous.
| Kurisuten chapter 1 . 1/18/2010
I apologize deeply for the delay on reviewing this! I have been rather busy and didn't have the chance to check this story out, but now I have, and here I am :) hahaha.
The plotline seems interesting enough, though I personally am not a fan of the regular teenager story, but even then I am still interested. This is good ;D haha...
The dialogue is good, and everything is spaced out well and pleasing to the eye. However, I noticed that there is an abundance of run-on sentences, and this bothers me a little as a reader. This could be from a lack of re-reading the story, so a quick review of the story could prove to be useful. Just fix those run-ons ;)
And, as stated before by dontneedyou, the alarm clock opening is VERY overused. While it is a classic opening, it can bore the reader and make your story seem like just another typical story, and not something interesting and different.
Overall, a great read and I look forward to reading more :D
| elohel chapter 1 . 1/17/2010
He wanted to see her because he likes her duh?
I like your story
| dontneedyou chapter 1 . 1/16/2010
Overall, this seems like a pretty interesting story, good job! But I have noticed a few factors that could take away from your writing.
Okay, so the first thing I noticed was your lack of punctuation in some areas. There are quite a few missing commas missing where they need to be.
Another thing was that you started off the story with the girl getting awakened by her alarm clock. This opening to a story is quite overused and boring, and might draw away readers.
And there's too much description on what she's wearing, and what kind of perfume she uses! It could be toned down a bit, but if it IS part of her character development, then I understand.
Also, sometimes it feels as if the story is quite choppy and the scenes go a bit too fast.
That's all that I found! I REALLY like the dialogue in the story, really good work on that! It's very intriguing. Ryan seems like he likes Enola, that would be a dream come true for her wouldn't it? YAY! Haha, this story has a lot of potential, I just wanted to point out everything that could be changed, to push your story higher and you can get a lot of readers! Good work, I hope you continue this! ]
| KissMySass chapter 1 . 1/15/2010
Maybe he wants her to be his girlfriend, that would be so awesome.