I have read this story up to this point in the last 4 days. It is for one quite refreshing from the normal vampire genre but let me not digress here. The story is quite interesting and truth be told it was the RCIA that may have kept me reading and yes because of the christian element it was quite entertaining as well as informative. I do not agree with the theology but that would digress again. You did put just enough info in the introductory chapters to keep one hooked I did though get a tad impatient as to when the vampiress would reveal herself I didnt quite expect the showdown, but I was a great twist. I was beginning to wonder why Chris so willing followed along with Annas antics so-to-speak the thought she was manipulating him may have occured and after the explanation on her powers I began to wonder if it was an 'implanted trait' but it was his character flaw/strength. Anyway good story.

Great job! I really like your work. I hope to catch more thrilling scenes in this story.

P.S.

Please review my story

I found the story to be most enjoyable. Some portions I had difficulty with but that was more due to personal taste and beliefs conflicting with those of the characters. I found that the nature of one religion to be highly emphasized, which conflicts with my own thoughts, but was able to ignore that for the sake of the story.

both Chris and Anna were well fleshed out characters and reacted in ways that matched how they had been built up. Perhaps the only part the seemed a bit unrealistic was how easily Chris accepted that Anna had attacked his mind before. One's mind is part of what one is, and knowing someone played around with it, would be hurtful. I think he underplayed his reaction to that. Though perhaps he doens't look upon it as great a personal attack.

Anna was an interesting character and is by far my favorite. She has lived an interesting and full life before Chris. And while some of her actions were arguably evil, I find her to be a sympathetic person who is interesting. Her crimes are justified to herself, and many of them are if not excusable then at least mitigated by it being a different time. Really that she has lived such a diverse life is more realistic then a lot of vampire stories i've... encountered. That she has been married for love, safety, convenience is quite realistic. That she has regrets, made mistakes, done good and evil make her more human and real then a lot of immortal vampires from stories.

As to romance, I could see it happening. Chris doesn't seem the type to want to live forever, and I would be saddened if he became a vampire. While Anna's quest to grow old is interesting. I think she needs him and he needs her in a way. He is too idealistic and naive, and anna is too cynical and used to everything. In a way they complement each other well.

The memory lapses and Anna's involvement became obvious fairly early on, about when he visited the parents. But it was suspected before that. As to her being the Killer? No there was never and doubt that she wasn't. It wouldn't have fit her as a character and there weren't enough hints that she might be to lead a reader to think such. Havign read other vampire stories it takes an unusual one to lead the reader to beleive that the main vampire is the killer.

Personally I thought Chris jumped to the conclusion Anna was the killer a bit too easily. I would have assumed another vampire over someone I knew well. Whether that would have been foolish optimism, I still feel Chris jumped too quickly at that. It was one of a few areas I felt he acted oddly.

As to the catholisism, it makes for an interestign read. I'm not aware entirely of the various sacraments of the catholic church being more familiar with the Anglican church. Regardless while I dislike Chris's insistence in some portions about only one view point, I felt it was nicely countered balanced by Anna's questioning. Even at the end she believes, but is not as literally as Chris, which makes the story more interesting. Conflicting views make a story.

I enjoyed this story more than any other story I've read on this site - or even the "sister" site . And I've been known to read 9 hours a day... so that's a LOT of competition.

I'd purchase this story; no doubt about it. It did seem to move significantly faster at the end - however, it was on hiatus for over a year. So, I'll have to read the whole story again to know if the pacing really did change. I'll be recommending this story to friends and family.

Overall, the writing is great, the characters are great. Anna seems perfect - she even acts/thinks like a an older person befitting her many years of life. The typical supernatural stories involving vampires or werewolves always seem to have centuries-old people acting - and worse, THINKING - like high school students! Chris is a highly likeable character, too. One thing that I'd like to know more about him is his likes and dislikes. Does he have a burning passion for anything? Besides being the calm, rational, brave, self-sacrifing, and wonderful person that he is... what are some of the little "X" factors that might let us know a little more about him?

Superb story. I'll be watching for the next one - even if I have to wait another year for it to come out :)

It's about time! I thought you'd died or something! Ah... I feel better now that one of the best stories on fictionpress is finally alive again.

Hey... it's been forever. Did you wind up publishing this or something? Let us all know if you did because I want to go out and buy it!

Fantastic story. The characters feel real and alive. Looking forward to the conclusion... and the sequel.

Why is the vampiress interested in a guy like him? Congratulations, it has piqued my curiousity. *Goes to read more.*

love the intruigue ... love the story and everthing .. update soon :)!1

oh come on...

hurryup for the next chappie :_)

I am officially hooked. Congrats. Usually chapters as long as yours are a huge turn off to me, but I couldn't stop reading. I do think that you should reveal the plot a little bit faster, and that it is kind of slow moving, but in no way is it boring. I love the spiritual arguments. Most people are afraid to write about that stuff, but you seem like you know what you are talking about, and you make it enjoyable to read. :)

JP:)

P.S. If my eyes didn't hurt from reading all day, I'd read the whole thing tonight. I sure hope he finds out the obvious soon though.

A very interesting start, nice job. I would suggest to improve your writing that you work on grammar and expanding your vocabulary, especially since you are developing this from a first person point of view. It is very easy to get caught up saying "I" in every sentence or beginning with it. Experiment a little. :)

I agree with Kazic's review. But either way, nice work!

I really enjoy this story. I am starting to wonder if Anna is looking for a companion or mate. Her meeting Chris' parents seems odd, as does the purchasing of a house in his area. Maybe she has something to do with his memory loss.

The only constructive criticism I really have is: 1. You don't use contractions at all and it makes the speech seem a bit unnatural. It might make sense for Anna to have very "proper" grammar and such, but it seems strange on hris and other colleege kids.

2. The story's pace is a bit slow. I don't mind that, but the majority of people might be scared off by the fact that you are so many chapters in and you still haven't gotten to the heart of the story. Follow your vision though, that is just my opinion.

Great Work.

Hey, i thought you did a great job first off, i imagine that there is some reason she has taken an interest in him out of all the other people in the world.

Ok things i liked...:I loved the fact that she went to a church, although she obviously isnt your typical Vampire i still really enjoyed the story. I thought Alaska was a good setting, it really is one of the most likely places for a vampire to be in.

Things i think you could improve on...:I thought that the scene where he gets a bike had the word Bike in it to many times, maybe try and smooth that out a bit, i noticed a few gramatical problems here and there, but you did a really great job i think, and if this is a first draft, which im assuming it is, really good job, keep up your great work :)