|Reviews for The Dark|
| GraziaArmonico chapter 1 . 2/19/2010
Hello from Zero Hour.
Very very well done, as usual. I applaud you sir. There was one part that I had trouble with. "Lost in her memories, she barely noticed the man walking towards her on the sidewalk. At this distance, she couldn’t quite make out many details, but she could tell he was a rather tall man."
This is a tough one, and I know I have struggled with it at times in the past - how to indroduce some important details that the main character hasn't noticed... If she has barely noticed the man, it isn't likely that she would be paying enough attention for her to even note that he was tall, or to realize that she was too far away to make out details. In the first sentance I picture her dreamily looking around, lost in her past, and then suddenly in the next sentence I picture her leaning toward the oncomer and scrutinizing him. Those two actions are very contradictory. I know that isn't what you said, but that's the effect it had on me. Perhaps if you descibed the oncomer without mentioning what she could see... looking at him through the narrarator's eyes instead of the main character's... Don't know, just a thought.
Otherwise, wonderfully done!
| ShortInsanity chapter 1 . 2/16/2010
Again, great job. This chapter does have a bit of a frightening chill, and once again I need to stress explaining a couple things in the next few chapters (cross fingers there will be more!). I did enjoy your explanations, and they were vivid enough I could almost feel and see the things your story, but I did have some difficulty imagining the main character.
| Hawkeye329 chapter 1 . 1/24/2010
Interesting. I look forward to more!
| sw13 chapter 1 . 1/21/2010
Not a bad start. I think you could use a bit more detail. But oherwise its pretty interesting. Looking forward to more
| Tranquil Thorns chapter 1 . 1/20/2010
This is a good beginning. Pretty mysterious; I wonder who the man really is?
You have some good descriptions going. The one thing I noticed is that you spent a lot of time describing the man (well, I guess he's important) but not enough on Janet. I get a vague sense of her, but not enough. What does she look like? What is/was she like as a person? I wanted to get into her head a little more. Perhaps you could have extended the first paragraph and focused on her a little more.
Keep writing. :)