|Reviews for VI|
| Elspeth.Davidson chapter 1 . 1/24/2010
Very vivid! The scene playing in my head as I read this was like something from a Quentin Tarantino movie, probably inspired by the focus on blood, description, and breath.
I was a little confused by the switches between present and past tense; they made me struggle over your syntax when I wanted to devote my efforts to understanding the premise.
That's quite a twist at the end. It opens up all sorts of possibilities, so good luck as you continue!
| East-0f-Eden chapter 1 . 1/21/2010
Very interesting. You don't write many stories (well neither do I) so this ought to go well.
| Tranquil Thorns chapter 1 . 1/21/2010
Interesting premise. I can't say I have any idea where this story is going or what actually went on, but it had me wondering. By the end I was more confused than ever, but I guess you intended that?
Your main problem is the fact that you switch constantly from past to present tense, sometimes in the same sentence. (Ex: "It fell from a table, which has an opened letter on it, addressed to “Decker”")
It would really help if you picked one tense and stuck to it throughout the story. I noticed some minor errors ("His heads rolls"), but these can be easily fixed.
Keep working on this.