|Reviews for Carly|
| firefly114 chapter 9 . 4/11/2010
Remember to keep it consistent what each of the brothers think of Carly. Steven's feelings seemed to get a little mixed up in this chapter and it was hard to tell what he was thinking.
Hmm... I wonder why Mitch and carly are both sick! Can't wait for the next chapter! :)
| firefly114 chapter 8 . 4/6/2010
Nice chapter! I felt like it switched POVs a little too fast and too often, but besides that, I liked the development.
| firefly114 chapter 7 . 3/13/2010
wow i'm so sorry it took me so long to review this! i guess i'm just not on top of my work as carly and mitch and steven are :P
The beginning was a bit confusing..after Steven's part and then Mitch's, it took me a little while to figure out whether we were going back in time or what.
Hahaha so Mitch knows! Good chapter, can't wait for the next one!
| firefly114 chapter 6 . 2/20/2010
Hahaha. I just took the ACTs today. Coincidence?
And i LOVED the part about "math homework's done after 20 problems, then you can go make ou in the corner..." hahah but who's Quinn? Oh. ok. Just saw your note. But mitch calls him Steve a few times in this chapter so you might want to change it.
| firefly114 chapter 5 . 2/10/2010
Congrats on the school magazine!
Ah I really like Steven and Carly together, even though Mitch likes her. I hope something happens over the weekend!
| firefly114 chapter 4 . 2/6/2010
Yay I liked this chapter! The only question I have is that we don't really see what Carly sees in Steven-we don't really know what she thinks of his personality or what is attractive to her. I can't wait for Steven to help Mitch out though!
| Pooooooooooop chapter 3 . 1/27/2010
I mean, I REALLY LIKE the story and the way that you write it. It just seems like a very typical school day with very typical events. Nothing really jumps out at me that would keep me really hooked. Maybe you're building up to something, I don't know. Again, I think it has A LOT of potential and I REALLY LIKE the characters. But the only thing that stands out to me right now is the relationship between Mitch and Steven. But even they don't have the really strong, personal connection I think most readers look for in a story. Just a little advice, either throw in a bit more drama in the beginning or at least soon, or really expand more in the areas developing your characters so the reader really feels a true connection to them and their problems.
I hope the feedback helps!
(P.S. based on your writing, I think one of my stories might really interest you and give you a little taste of expanding on the characters and their personalities. It’s called “THE HEART THAT LOVES YOU.” The link is below. Maybe check it out! :))
| Pooooooooooop chapter 2 . 1/27/2010
Wait wait, they got detentions for a week for being tardy? Harsh school. lol. I really like the relationship between Mitch and his 'bro.' haha. Steven and Mitch seem to go together well, the whole love/hate thing.
Well, I'm still liking it! On to chapter three!
| firefly114 chapter 3 . 1/27/2010
Nice chapter! Can't wait to see what's next
| Pooooooooooop chapter 1 . 1/27/2010
I really like the sense of time that you portray in the beginning with the repeated use of the 'ring' of the school bell. Mitch isn't like most of the other guys I see in the young adult and/or romance stories. Usually it's the bad boy with a way of making insults seem charming, if you know what I mean. Lol. Mitch is refreshing.
I'm not exactly sure what this is going to be about from the first chapter. And I can't exactly tell what the relationship between Mitch and Carly is yet. I guess I'll have to keep reading!
I like it so far!
| firefly114 chapter 2 . 1/24/2010
Nicely written chapter! Mitch is really high-strung! And I liked the ending. Good job :)
| firefly114 chapter 1 . 1/21/2010
You had a great intro!
You also manage to get inside each of the characters' heads very convincingly. I feel like I know them. Good job!
Some things I noticed:
- What sport does Mitchell play? It wasn't clear.
- During Mitchell's POV, it suddenly switched back to "Mitch was always her favorite..." back to Carly. I would suggest separating somehow the different POVs to make it less confusing.
-It was a little unclear how well Carly and Mitch knew each other
-The last paragraph also seemed to come out of nowhere
Overall, the flow of your chapter was great, and it kept me reading! Great work and i'm looking forward to the next chapter! I'll put it on my alerts :)
| I 3 MY BOYFRIEND chapter 1 . 1/21/2010
OMG, this is so adorable! Except Mitch isn't anything like edward cullen. I LOVE edward cullen! He's actually my boyfriend.
I'm not Bella, but Edward is really actually with me.
I think that Carly should like, totally be more submissive, and that she should seduce Mitch to do whatever she wants him to!
OMG, you should totally make me Carly's best friend! That would be like SO AWESOME!