|Reviews for Nocturnal|
| thefilmchick chapter 1 . 1/23/2010
Nicely done! The rhymes are subtle, and the sentiment doesn't feel forced or cloying.
Just two quibble: 'messed up' sounds way too informal for the rest of the poem. Maybe 'If you went wrong again' or 'If you misspoke again' instead? Also, for mere 'look' of the poem, shift-entering between lines instead of entering would make it look more compact (which is always a good thing when reading poems online.)
The universe/love metaphors in here remind me of John Donne's 'Valediction: Forbidding Mourning,' so I leave it as a recommendation. I bet you'd like it (and would be curious what you think, if you do go read it.)