Greetings. Cyberweasel89 from The Muse Bunny here. I am going to give a review, but, well... I am fairly out of it right now.

Well, yes. First thing is first, hm? The explicit references to urination and the imagery used in the metaphors and similes used with it came as a bit of a shock to me. Rest assured, though, I was not offended. Rather, I applaud for the guts and the realism. The references to sexual areas of the body was also a welcomed touch.

Now, I feel I must tell you that I... I do not really care for yuri. For those not in tune with Japanese pop culture, yuri is girl-on-girl love. I much prefer yaoi (boy-on-boy love). I just tend to dislike yuri for its fanbase: Horny, perverted men with no respect for women. It is the objectification of women in the girl-on-girl fetish that I am against.

Of course, as a bisexual man(-ish thing) and member of the gay pride groups of my high school and college, I still respect yuri for what I owe to the GLBT community.

Despite the dislike of the primary fanbase, though, I appreciate yuri from a writing standpoint, just as I do yaoi. Romantically, there are some things you can only do with yuri or yaoi. Sadly, there are also things you can only do with a heterosexual couple, but I digress.

Anyway, the writing was very good. Very nice grammar, perfect punctuation, and I saw no spelling errors. The vocabulary was standard enough to be understandable to anyone with an education, yet still being artful. Nice avoidance of purple prose, I must say.

Of note is the fact that we learn a bit about the two protagonists and what they look like, which is rare for a one shot, and is always something I appreciate in a story.

My only true complain is that it seemed to move a tad too quickly. The flow was a bit fast-paced. I know this is a one-shot, but I felt it could have been slowed down and lengthened a bit.

At any rate, I give it six stars out of ten, but that rating is only because I did not find it very substantial for my worldbuilding cravings and need for deep plot. This story was just not my cup of tea, but it was still good. I am sure people more inclined to such short vignettes would give it a much higher score.

My deepest apologies for such a useless and terrible review. I hope to do better next time. My apologies once again.

I really like your writing style. It is definitely not painful to read and you word yourself well. I liked Nadine, she definitely seemed to be at odds with her lover and her family, something all too common in same sex relationships. I did something similar in a fanfic of mine and I enjoyed writing it. I definitely think you could get published someday.

The biggest thing I saw as an issue was the somewhat lack of focus on the actual characters. It felt as if I were being given a crash course on their lives but how they felt and how they had been dealing with it up until that point wasn't really focused on. I learned at the end that Nadine was afraid and so Susana decided to cut her some slack, but it was like the characters were the background to the story and not the other way around. You describe things well and in a playful manner at times, I giggled at a few parts. I think the character issue could be easily fixed by simply making the fic longer with more of a focus on them and not just the topic of their argument and the background as to why it's an issue. When the story ended I felt as if it had been cut off too soon and I found myself unable to truly relate to their plight on a personal level. I'm not entirely sure if I'm wording myself right here so I'm sorry if it seems off.

I liked reading this. I'd love to know more about what makes the girls tick and who they are. The description you have in the story is good and well written. If you ever did a little short story with the two of them I think you'd have something good there. Hope that helped!

- Catriana