Reviews for Twice Shadowed Saint
Joshua Harper chapter 97 . 5/28/2013
This story is amazing! I would love to have a very detailed description of each race in this story. I love learning about new species that are -as far as we know- fictional or non-fictional. The Zyzyts remind me of a species from a game called Mass Effect.
Red Warden chapter 96 . 2/19/2013
I have to say I love this story and if it were published I would buy it. The world building is wonderful and the characters are very interesting. Words of caution, if you do try to get it publish, you might have problems pitching it because of Turu and Victoria's relationship. While I have no problem with the Xenophilia, I don't know how much of a market there is for it. An editor might very well suggest that you make Turu more "human". If you do decided to alter him be careful not to make him too human as this will take away from the story. It also might make it difficult for readers to believe the general negative emotions geared towards humans if a respected alien race it very similar to us.
Speaking of the negative emotions towards humans, there is a bit of an inconsistency in your timeline for when the Vahran met with the Alintean. If I remember right you say it happened billions of years ago, when scientifically evidence points to humans being around only 200,000 years old. Also it should be noted that around the time they were believed to have met, evidence supports that earth was hit by a very large object (think a small planet) and this impact created the moon. While it's not necessary to change this for the story, Sci-Fi readers can be notoriously picky about this sort of thing ( as I just demonstrated). If you are willing to take a suggestion I would say don't change it, instead have it were the Alintean met a race called the Vahran and had a conflict with them before leaving earth. Afterwards earth was hit destroying all life and creating the moon. Than when the Alintean return so many years later, they mistake human, who are similar to Vahran as Vahran, thus transferring the hate onto them. This is just a suggestion though feel free to take it or leave it.
So again just wanted to say love the story would totally buy it.
snarkybat chapter 96 . 8/5/2012
This might just be the single most fantastic thing, I have ever read. If I ever found the book in a store, I would buy it in a heartbeat.
I must say, sci-fi is not normally my thing, but this is just utterly amazing. I honestly have no words. Perfect.
Hagalaz chapter 96 . 6/6/2012
I first read this some time ago, and was charmed by the originality of the races, the worlds, the relationships. I recently came back to it with this in mind, and enjoyed it yet again. As it is, I would love to see this published. There are some things, however, which caught my attention.

Upon a second reading, I realized that the earlier chapters are more than likely in need of some revising and editing, to fit the rest of the story's flow. They are rough, and I think that this is partially due to your admittance that this was not intended to be completed. Now that it has, it can only grow from rewriting, in my opinion, as your style has likely grown more in the time since you wrote originally. A more stable feel would make it much easier to have the draft accepted by a publisher.

It should also be noted that many things in this story bear a very strong resemblance to a webcomic I have read, Trying Human, which is a work in progress. I would suggest reading it and coming to your own conclusions on this, as it is likely coincidental. Something to keep in mind, however, if you intend to rewrite.

I would buy this book in a heartbeat once published. I am interested, as well, in possibly doing some illustrations for you if I could get a clearer picture of some of the alien species as you would conceptualize them.

With good attention and hopeful disposition,

Jess chapter 96 . 1/2/2012
I would buy this in a heart beat. I still come back to this story to read it and your other stories as well on a fairly regular basis.

I would feel safer having a physical copy in my hand because I'm afraid that one day for whatever reason these stories will be taken down (this has happened to me before and it's devestating). I just recently had a scare because I used to have this story in my favorites but I got a new laptop so I had to search for it. After a few times of nothing turning up I got lucky and found them, phew.

But yes, having physical copies is much safer to me and for many reasons they mean a lot more to me too.
Garuda01 chapter 96 . 11/22/2011
I would buy your books only of it is available in paperback.

The reason is that... Amazon Kindle didn't really last long out in the sea. The salty air is one hell of a killer. Plus paperbacks are more comforting to hold and they make a great paperweight if needs be.


Narissara chapter 1 . 10/19/2011
Great story and all, BUT it is Dihydrogen monoxide NOT hydrogen dioxide. Water is H20.
a99515 chapter 96 . 10/3/2011
Yes I will buy your book! let the readers know please when it comes out. I like your style of writeing yes it is old style but you are great at it. I'll buy any thing that you have pub.
Ashi chapter 95 . 9/26/2011
I really liked the plot was interesting and engaging(short attention span here XD,but finished the story fast!). I liked the characters,Turu was vastly amusing with his critisism towards humans.

What bothered me is that we never got around to find what happened to Richard to make him so guarded and why was Victoria missing parts of her aura. I was kinda lookig foward to that.

Oh and the science part of the story was great. It was obvious that you took your time to resurch and not skip on it like so many authors(including some published ones XD).
JustForAFewDays chapter 36 . 5/30/2011
Turu finding out what ice cream is without ever tasting it was really funny. The whole scene was made by his eloquent complaints. And the battle between Turu and Klaara was a nice change of pace. Their methods are interesting, and it was nice how Richard could repay Turu for all of his generosity. However, the amount of flirtation going on while Richard and Klaara tried to kill each other was more amusing than suspenseful. I hope for more.

Once more, I have to make a note about the pacing. Action-packed stories are good and all, but there's no such thing as action-packed emotions (pardon the corn). People don't fall in love instantly and do drastic **** based on a couple of "life-changing" hours like so many would have people to believe. No emotion in this story develops faster than it "can" in real life.

The scene at the end of chapter 36, after Turu has done a selfless thing for his friends by instigating a war: what he says in the last line just sticks for some reason. He's basically telling them to stay alive. Is this a hint that the two humans will be in danger on Earth while Turu is gone?
JustForAFewDays chapter 24 . 4/27/2011
This is certainly an elaborate set up for a story. It's interesting, and with 94 chapters, I'm sure it doesn't go to waste. As the chapters go by, Turu's life in his own world gets more three-dimensional and complex. It really adds depth to the plot. When he goes back to his own world, he will have plenty of things to do post-Earth and it would be interesting to get into that. The descriptions used in the story are meticulous, but not boring, especially the snow description. That was nice and vivid. It is refreshing to see setting play such an important part in a story (forcing Turu to reveal himself to humans).

The end of chapter nineteen was fun: Turu stating the obvious of how impossible Santa Claus is and how stupid and hard Christmas sounds. It showed how he can't deny Victoria anything, just a quaint problem for now, but building to a crisis. Also, the decorating of his house was "cute".

Note for chapter four: the conversation between Turu and Richard in the coffee shop was impressive. It was blunt and intense. And I have always had a soft spot for a protective (older?) brother. Turu's big realization was well done: troubled, but not overblown. This scene was, so far, the best.

The pacing works well too, letting subplot develop and relationships establish themselves (just like a good published novel).

One thing that irks me is Klaara. The concept of an alien bounty hunter who is not really a bad individual is a good one, but so far I have found her dialogue (in this story) to be weak.
JustForAFewDays chapter 3 . 4/25/2011
Another interesting chapter with a very digestible length. The descriptions of the other "aliens" were interesting, especially the last one. Turu's frustration with even remotely liking a human was charming. One error I managed to find was: I think Turu walked down the stairs twice, never walking up in between those two times. But that's it.
JustForAFewDays chapter 2 . 4/22/2011
Another interesting chapter. That whole scene with the coffee... at that point I'd want to see Turu come across them in some abandoned alleyway. It was a good way to introduce Victoria and Richard though: not extraordinary (because that never happens in real life), just nice.
JustForAFewDays chapter 1 . 4/22/2011
I've read that for the beginning of a story to be interesting, it needs to make the reader ask a question. The beginning to this story asks several. One of which is: isn't this a romance story? Crossing genres has a tendency of making well-rounded premises, but also poses the problem of where to put a story since FictionPress has very specific categories.

I do like the way Turu uses his abilities, but I think that you gave too much detail away at once and too soon. Later on, starting near the end of the first scene, the details became welcome and amusing. I also like the postponing of revealing the fact that "Vahran" are humans.

The bit about humans only having one thumb was amusing, since we criticize someone as being "all thumbs". Actually, many of the criticisms that Turu has about "Vahran" are amusing. Writing the prologue from his point of view is pretty original.

Turu finding out that his leader lied about humans opens up the plot well. I'm looking forward to reading more.
Belle Starr chapter 1 . 4/3/2011
I like it kept me wanting to read more... i cant wait to see what other ideas you will come up with
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