Reviews for The King's Groom
mooncat1016 chapter 18 . 4/1/2011
i loved this story! hot AND adorable, what a great combination!

;)
mooncat1016 chapter 3 . 4/1/2011
i feel so sorry for Kole! what a predicament he's in, although from how Marek is described, it might just be advantageous. he sounds yummy. :)
T.D.Spearman chapter 18 . 3/28/2011
OMG!

I apologize for the earlier gush, but this story was amazing! I love the characters and the background all of it is just amazing. The one thing I would have done differently though, would probably have to be the description. I would have given a bit more description when it came to their appearances especially how they looked to one another, and a bit more on the appearance, and architecture style of the city. I personally pictured it as much more of an Arabian type city similar to Agrabah from Aladdin. But those differences in style aside, a lovely story, and even though not physically possible I would love to see a future story dealing with their future offspring. lol
Bookworm24601 chapter 18 . 3/28/2011
I loved this story. U
mousegirl05 chapter 18 . 3/7/2011
Hello! I had a little marathon read today and made it through this work. *smiles* I enjoyed the world you created and the little bits of magic we got to see from it. The plot had good drive and I found the characters fun and in certain cases endearing: Marek’s nephew was about the cutest thing I’ve read about in ages. And Kano was a riot. *laughs* Bottom line: I loved the story. It was so good that the epilogue felt… like it was a sort of disservice to the story and to Tal and Kano. Don’t throw anything at me yet! I just mean that as the entirety of BMtYW story focused so strongly around Marek and Kole, that when things suddenly jolted to Tal and Kano, it felt rushed. I almost feel like those two could have made a much better [short] standalone that was a little longer than there was room for here and would be able explore the depths of their feelings, their history, the frustration, and the dynamics—because none of that really came through between them in the story itself. It would have made the ending of THIS story and their own story much stronger. *shrugs* My opinion of course. One further note: I suggest finding a beta who will help you find the spelling [homonym] mistakes throughout. It’s amazing how much simple editing can improve a work—all without actually CHANGING it. One last thing: in the very last few paragraph of the entire work (therefore, what people will walk away and remember) you used two phrases that you should think long and hard about: ‘Tal still had pride to match any man even if he dressed as a woman’ and ‘though Tal was a man, his frame was small enough to be carried to Kano’s bed’. Neither of these are truly necessary statements for the storytelling, and both are potentially sexist. Yep, I went there. There are many men with low self-esteem and more women than you would be able to number who have enough pride to inflate the Hindenburg. Likewise, humans, both male and female, come in all shapes and sizes. Some men are petite and some women are not. Using such generalize stereotypes tends to come off as uninformed and, well, lazy. Neither of which I believe would be words I would leap to associate with BMtYW. Finding alternate descriptions in the future will make much stronger imagery and make your writing ‘pop’ so much better. I know you can do it! _

Anyway, now that I’ve gone all kinds of critical on your work, I hope that you go back and re-read what I wrote at the beginning about what I liked: plot, character, setting, and world-building (though even more of the last would have been amazing! I can tell that your worlds are rich and are just begging to become a character on their own! The sand and the sinking doors, and the imagery associated with magic, and the city in the desert—a pure GOLD!) Goodness, let me stop lecturing now. Lovely read. I’m glad I gave it a shot. Cheers!
DNAstar chapter 18 . 2/11/2011
aw cute story
Natural and fake beauty chapter 7 . 1/25/2011
aw the story was cute!
Anonanon chapter 18 . 1/14/2011
Really lovely story. Loved the character development and the conflicting thoughts from Kole.

One thing about the grammer/spelling though, be careful to use the correct spelling for the meaning of the word you want, eg. 'waist' is the thing above your hips, while 'waste' is unwanted or useless materials; 'soar' is a mode of flight, while 'sore' is something which is painful or aching. There were consitent things like that through-out the story, but it didn't detract too much.

x
Penny-0-Wryter chapter 6 . 11/26/2010
Finale, not finally

elseWHERE, not else ware

I have a feeling these are only simple, careless mistakez for you, but again, I can not help but to correct them. :/

Bravo! Very good crafting of a beautiful girl (though not so) to trick young Kole! I knew she was fishy... I also wonder about this Tec...I forget his name; he hasn't been mentioned recently. I am suspicious of him... he seemz like the character who is -SNAPE! j/k- treacherous and working for the evil doer form the interior of the good side.

I'm so impressed with you
Penny-0-Wryter chapter 5 . 11/26/2010
Your characterz are very well thought out, this is something I appreciate deeply. It addz a smooth quality to your story while otherz are contrastingly rough with not a few pot holez that are in dire need of assistance.

Kikuchi, very interesting choice of name, origninal. Alwayz a plus.
Penny-0-Wryter chapter 4 . 11/26/2010
Greet, not great

I love it! I say you are a genius at development! Most people can't seem to get a firm grasp on the concept! They either try to move the story and plot along too swiftly or they dwindle and nothing ever really developz.

I am impressed!

(Please don't be offended by my greeting! I will make it my friendly signature, bueno?)
Penny-0-Wryter chapter 3 . 11/26/2010
Very cute beginning! I like Kole's stubborn quality, apparentley Marek findz it appealing as well . Hm... you seem to have some spelling issuez... or rather, what is that word which describez words that sound the same but have different meaningz? Yes, you get those spellings mixed! Tee hee!

Seamed should be seemed

etc.,

It is not terribly troublesome to the story, I am just, well, anal about this thing in particular. It givez me fitz, literally, I dissolve into a fit of gigglez when I see mistakez like that.

I believe your story is already complete? I will be continuing my reading. Keep up the good work!
One.Two.Three.Four.Five.Sex chapter 18 . 11/20/2010
ok. jesus. i want my own personal Marek. god. he's some hot meat. he's rough while being gentle. strong while showing emotions. and damn if he isn't sexy like hell when angry!

no, don't misinterpret my outburst as some kind of girly behaviour. i'm a though guy, yes, yes. i'm just slipping momentarily into my more sensitive me. yeah, cuz normally, i'm bad. just like Micheal Jackson. if he were gay, that's it. but WHATEVER! why am i talking shit like this, huh? god, just give me some more of Marek and i won't stalk you down. you better don't dare me.

xoxo
Jark chapter 18 . 11/7/2010
I loved it! Hahas I think the tal and keno situation is really sweet, would be great if you could elaborate on the epilogue. Btw, too bad there is no male preg! Or the story would be dang sweet alrdy:) keep up the good work and I hope to see a sequel!
shi-shi chapter 18 . 11/1/2010
WOW I just love thise story it was amazing I realy hope you make more stories in thise world.
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