Reviews for tsundere BOYfriend!
Lady Kiri chapter 6 . 2/21/2010
I'm all caught up at last! Now I'm really curious about Ren! What's his motivation? Hoping to find out as I read along!

Special juice- lol

Lady Kiri

p.s. Thanks for reviewing my story btw! I really appreciate it!
Lady Kiri chapter 5 . 2/21/2010
I'm interested in the rivalry that Takeshi and Ren have. And I love Ami's random daydreams. The cooking club seems really upbeat!

Lady Kiri
Lady Kiri chapter 4 . 2/21/2010
Again, well done! I hope to catch up with this story before the day ends. Nice to know that my two years of Japanese and my habit of watching subbed anime is helping me here!

Lady Kiri
Lady Kiri chapter 3 . 2/21/2010
Wow, is Ren afraid of girls or does he just get easily embarrassed? I like the length of your chapters, as I can read them faster.
Lady Kiri chapter 2 . 2/21/2010
I like how you keep things interesting while 'nothing' is really happening. Keep it up! Ren is getting more and more intriguing. I wonder what's up with the disappearing going on at Ash Academy.

Lady Kiri
Lady Kiri chapter 1 . 2/20/2010
It seems to me that you know more about the Japanese culture than some of the people who write manga-fics that are based in Japan. I love your description of Ren, it's so easy to envision I;m curious to see why he acts as he does.

Until Next time,

Lady Kiri

p.s. I really like tigers myself
Niki Tori chapter 6 . 2/11/2010
Early Happy Valentine's Day Naito-kun! Thank you so much for the update, what a great gift! _. Ren is totally adorable in this chapter! lol. I love how Ami protects her untouched hand from the devious chef of the cooking club. I wonder what all the grinning was about. So curious! XD. Very well written Naito-kun, though i was spun for a loss with the Prince of Tennis reference. I should look that up.

Again I loved the chapter!

Much Love and Many Hugs...and Many good things this V-day

Niki T.
Eytha chapter 3 . 2/9/2010
I'm sorry for the delay on getting back. I got a little busy last week, but this is sadly still better than my usual turnaround. Anyway, I will immediately say that it is improvement on the Japanese usage, but you still kept some in. You were replacing common everyday greetings or words in Japanese, you'll want to keep those in English as well. The mention of a type of tuna was fine since it seemed that it something unique to Japanese culture. There is a careful line you have to walk.

Apart from that though the only other issue I notice was the use of "glomp". It is actually a manga sound effect which got carried over into an actual type of hug. However, it is still a sound effect and does not actually describe the action. If something occurs you'll want to describe the action completely rather than using it as a type of shorthand. Just remember when you're writing you're showing and not telling the reader what is happening, if you need extra sentences to complete the action that is fine.

Those things said though, I think you did a great job illustrating the main character's emotions and feelings with the thoughts and fantasies. Besides just helping to provide comedic moments and character style, it is also very Shoujo. So I think you're doing very well nailing down the style. Going that far into reach the genre is not something that I have actually read in any other story on here thus far (but I will admit my reading selection is limited). I think more could take some cues from things you're doing stylistically here.

Hearing Rin and Ren is going to be really confusing. But apart from that though I enjoyed the chapter and the funny moments that you had. I think you have a solid grasp on style, which I think many end up missing. Everything else will easily fall into place. Keep up the good work!
Seth-Cypher chapter 5 . 2/8/2010
Glad to see the boy's warming up to someone lol.

Anyways, nice lil chapter, there are some problems I'd have to note with your writing such as some run on sentences that don't really make much sense.

"An image of him in a manly apron (did that even exist?) as he whipped up a magnificent feast for him and I without breaking a sweat popped into my head and I closed my mouth just as I realized that I was about to drool, much to my embarrassment.

I had to read that one over a second time to make sense of it. If you want my opinion, you should go for, "The image of him in a manly apron, as he whipped up a magnificient feast for (character's name) and me without breaking a sweat, presented itself in my mind. I closed my mouth as I realized that I was on the verge of drooling, much to my chagrin."
Tedi-Medoru chapter 1 . 2/6/2010
I really like it. The tsundere is one of my favorite personalitys but I can't understand why some hate it. It's just so cute.
Niki Tori chapter 5 . 2/6/2010
Wonderful chapter! I am so glad to see the story has been updated! Ren's reactions are too adorable. I can hardly blame Ami for drooling. lol.

Thank you so much for updating the story! It really made my evening!

Much Love and Many Hugs

Niki T.
Seth-Cypher chapter 4 . 2/5/2010
Alright, it's nice to see you balanced out the japanese in this chapter.

An odd habit I see you doing is leaving author's notes at the end of each chapter to explain terminology or real people names such as Nodame Cantabile. Instead of explaining it on an outside note, try incorporating the explanation in the sentence you introduced the term/name like this:

"Nodame-bu?" my eyes widened. "Are you guys all fans of Nodame Cantabile or something?" , Nodame Cantabile was manga by Tomoko Ninomiya telling of the relationship between two aspiring classical musicians, Megumi "Nodame" Noda and Shinichi Chiaki, as university students and after graduation.

This is not just to make it look more professional, but also so that the reader is not left in the dark for the entire chapter wondering about what the term meant.

Anyways, hope that helps! Keep writing, keep improving!
Seth-Cypher chapter 3 . 2/4/2010
I think instead of using the word "glomp" you should have described the act of her tackling him with a hug from the rear. It appears much more professional to the reader if you don't use any internet slangs in the narration of events.

However, it's not that important in this case since this piece is a comedy on japanese culture. As such, professionalism becomes somewhat of a blur.

All in all, you don't seem to have that many problems with your writing mechanics.
Nanny Nenny chapter 4 . 2/3/2010
Cool story! I'm looking forward for the next chapter!
Niki Tori chapter 4 . 2/3/2010
Lovely chapter! This story is simply put fantastic. It really brightened my day. I can't wait until there is more! You did a splendid job on the orchestra scene, Naito-kun! I wish I could have heard the song. O and the part where Ren threatens the representative for the cooking club...priceless.

Thank you very much for the update!

Much Love and Many Hugs

Niki T.
38 | « Prev Page 1 2 3 Next »