|Reviews for tsundere BOYfriend!|
| Seth-Cypher chapter 1 . 2/1/2010
Okay, since you seemed interested in my story, I thought I should read some pieces from your repoitoire.
The book is off to a good start, and your writing mechanics are pretty good. However, there is one complaint I absolutely MUST file. I know using japanese terms make the piece more believable and realistic, however it stops the flow of the book when you start sprinkling other words here and there. You should imagine it like its life like and put yourself in the characer's shoes, or try and imagine what the character would actually do if they were a real , some readers might not know what the japanese words mean.
Anyways, hope that helps. Keep writing, keep improving!
| Niki Tori chapter 3 . 2/1/2010
That was amazingly awesome! I can't wait for the next chapter. Ren and Ami are so cute together!
For some reason i don't really like their teacher though. Go figure.
Again...awesome job Naito-kun!
Much Love and Many Hugs
| Niki Tori chapter 2 . 2/1/2010
Finally more on Ami's mysterious desk-mate! That was extremely good. So far...I'm loving this story!
Much Love and Many Hugs!
| Niki Tori chapter 1 . 2/1/2010
So cute! It was perfect how she just drooled over the guy. lol. Yes Ami blame it on your tummy... _! Loved the first installment!
Much Love and Many Hugs!
| AnimeOtaku666 chapter 3 . 2/1/2010
This is a really great story! I have been on fictionpress a few times and I never saw any good stories. This one is the best I have read! I decided to create an account so I could favorite this story. Haha. Also, refering back to what Eytha said, you did a good job in keeping the Japanese to a minimum in this chapter. You can keep small words like "ohayou" or "kawaii" but big sentences you should try to keep away from.
Speaking of kawaii... THAT WAS SO CUTE! When Ami glomped Ren! And he smiled! I'm sorry ~ that was just too adorable.
| Eytha chapter 2 . 1/29/2010
I managed to return a review fairly quickly. I'll admit I saw the story up in the manga section and it made me curious. But I'm still playing catch up so I got a reason to be able to read.
I think I only saw one grammar mistake. So it is all written well. There are plenty of very colorful descriptions that helped to give some good flavor to the story. It also provided a very Shoujo manga art style feel, which I'm guessing you were going for. I could see it in a few of your sentences here and there.
One thing though for both of your chapters you frequently used Japanese words or whole sentences. Since you're writing this in English you'll want to keep the entire piece in English rather than switching the dialogue between the two. There are certain exceptions like honorifics, foods, proper names, clothes and such that are specifically Japanese. But for everything else you'll want to keep to English rather than providing a translation. This causes the flow to be broken as the reader is going through and taking them out of the story.
I liked the daydreaming moment by Ami and when she started to drool. The whole moment really felt like something straight from a Shoujo manga. It really helped to establish the feeling. I bet she looked pretty cute spacing out. There's something adorable about that spaced out pleasant expression that is so common.
I enjoyed the introduction of the family/relatives along with the boyfriend. The fun and quirky moments helping to bring out their character.
You have a good start and fun idea. I look forward to see where things go from here. Keep up the hard work!
| Burninglilly chapter 1 . 1/26/2010
What an adorable fist chapter.
This girl is really cute,
but that guy...
I wonder what will happen next.
| Serenity Productions chapter 1 . 1/26/2010
I'm interested in seeing where this is going, please update soon!