|Reviews for Untouchable|
| WarriorArnelle chapter 1 . 2/9/2013
Oh, wow... That is... wow... I have no words for how this makes me feel. I can almost understand what she feels, though, although not quite on the same level... Your grammar is mostly pretty good; I noticed a couple of things, a couple of run-ons, and slightly choppy sentences, and I think one spot where you almost changed tense but caught yourself.
The first one is in the very first paragraph: "Her heart sped up and she tightened her hands into fists. Her blonde hair blew around her face in the wind." could be combined into one sentence- "Her heart sped up and she tightened her hands into fists, her blonde hair blowing around her face in the wind" for example. The next sentence could use a semicolon or a conjunction or something after "She looked up"; it's a slight run-on as it is. That happens a couple of other times, but it's nothing major, and it doesn't take away from the story itself.
And what a story it is... Like I said before, this almost literally took my breath away, although I'm honestly a bit confused as to what the characters are. Regardless, this is beautifully written; I enjoyed it immensely. Good luck in the contest!
| Mary Jane chapter 1 . 2/7/2013
Great imagination and imagery!
| Sakurachibi08 chapter 2 . 10/19/2011
WHY DOES THIS SAY COMPLETE? IT IS GOOD. CONTINUE, I COMMAND YOU.
| Lovelesshope chapter 2 . 10/7/2011
than you. i am happy you continued, so keep up the amazing work. see ya next chapter.
| Lovelesshope chapter 1 . 10/6/2010
this good i can feel the fire of their love. can't wait to read what happens next. update soon
| pLaYFulPixI3 chapter 1 . 4/4/2010
Totally love it! Oh, all the feelings burning! Heating up the atmosphere, I want more! I was totally drawn into the ice , water idea. Oh, such forbidden love and yet they are still together Gosh, I have no words to describe it. I just want more, more, more!
| Rekkuza chapter 1 . 1/30/2010
Very well done.
The juxtaposition of how ice freezes water with their forbidden love is very effective.
It was a pleasure to read.
| SoundOfMind chapter 1 . 1/29/2010
Loved it. Refreshingly original
Keep it up
| GirlWithTheDancingCherryTrees chapter 1 . 1/28/2010
It was simply amazing, and touching. Extremely sad, but I love it. I'm an angst addict and you just gave me a good dose of it. Good job ;)
| Medusa's.Protege chapter 1 . 1/28/2010
Aw. The cant touch each other, not even hold hands. -wipes tear from cheek- That's so sad!
| AbbySomebody chapter 1 . 1/28/2010
The entire idea was lovely! I really, really enjoyed the temptation and tension that built between the two. It would be really interesting to see how they became the way they are now, but that might just be my curiosity bubbling over.
Anyway, great job with this.