Seems interesting...please write more!

This is incredibly short. But I kind of like it that short. It's like you just get a tiny taste of something and then it's taken away. This little excerpt leaves me begging for the next chapter. Are you ever going to carry this on? It's an intriguing prologue with little hints and just enough mystery.

The way you described the girl was lovely and romantic. And I didn't expect her to be the killer, but it got me interested. I also liked the idea of the photograph - with the photographer admiring his work- I wonder if more of that would come in.

The last line seems to be full of so much significance.

Interesting. :)

- Alias

One tiny little edit - '...she sat side ways on her...'

- side ways should be one word. Sideways.

Geez, here I was, thinking this guy was some old, pervy stalker. Guess not! Interesting twist. I think photographers are hot :D Lol doesn't really help his case but WHATEVER!

Hmm I do hope you update! (:

x mandy

PS. You support Arsenal? I'N NOT A STALKER I read it on yo profile ;) I'm a Chelsea fan through and through, i'm 'fraid. (:

oh wolfie likey!

please update! it looks like one of those mystery books that ive always wanted to read. i just love the description of the girl, i really do. i visualized her sitting on the balcony of a big city, like new york or chicago, and the stalker person is in the big crown of people in the street below, with a digital camera. yumy. please update!

also, ive just posted new story called The Two Sleeping Dragons. its fresh, i just started writing last night! reviews are appreciated but if you just want to read it thats fine too. thx!

From Gossip

He was watching her from a distance.

-Edit: would suggest a more active verb tense: "He watched her from..."

He watched as she sat side ways on her window ledge...

-Edit: would make "side ways" one word, "sideways"

Hmm, I think you provided an interesting twist for the reader in a very short scene. At first I was totally thinking "oh, he's just a perv" but then when you add the bit about what's behind the picture, and the girl herself, that heightens the story up a bit and provides some tension, plus a twist to boot, which was smart. I think you've got something with this story. Because the prologue is so short, I'd suggest maybe going into more detail about setting up the shot for the picture, and even more detail about the girl's description or even from where he's watching her, what's the "distance" and how did he get there? Also, maybe combine this with your chapter one, if you have one written up, and it'll leave the reader feeling a little more satisfied. Beyond that, you've definitley got a good creative start.

Ooh, this looks promising! I'm not quite sure where it's going, but the whole photography thing looks interesting. You also had good descriptions. The way you sort of lulled the reader with the descriptions of her beauty and then hinted that something bad is going to happen was a good way to hook your readers. This defnitely has potential. I hope you decide to continue it!

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(Reply from Gossip Forum) (No need to review mine becausme you did)

Oh she kills people? But I was thinking he was stocking her and I was like AH! But she is bad and he is well bad too. I am confused! Tell me! Update please! :)

Stickers!

okay since this is such a short prologue and there aren't any more chapters i'm sorry i can't be of more help in giving feedback.

Grammar: the only probelm is you put a space in sideways. its one word so no space.

the use of the second perso is kind of awkward in novels since they are either first person accounts or third person showings. You use it very well here though as a aphorism, so thats a good thing.

you also keep this rather simple, so i can imagine this scene on my own. girl oon the ledge sunny day probably lazily leafing through the book, guy up in a tree with his camera plotting some type of revenge i'm guessing. if she's a murderer and he's after her. anyway overall good job!

As you mentioned, it was indeed short, but that's what a prologue should be, shouldn't it? XD

I enjoyed it very much. You offered some good description of the girl, and at first I thought the dude was a creepy stalker or something. But after reading that the girl was a killer I'm guessing that he's an investigator or hired assassin or something we're much more likely to be rooting for. So that all has me VERY interested right off the bat.

I'm not usually very fond of onomatopoeia but your "click" worked well here, and it actually added to my reading experience for once, so good job on that!

The only thing I would suggest to improve this is perhaps incorporating some more emotion, since it felt pretty flat, and the descriptions, although lovely, seemed a bit forced.

But other than it, it was absolutely wonderful and I'll be keeping an eye out for your next update for sure!

Herro from The Roadhouse. :) Okay, this prologue is uber short here, so I guess my review here will be pretty short here especially given the fact that my brain has gone a bit dead now. x.x Well, basically you did well to capture the focus of this story in this chapter and the ending of this chapter is so suspenseful. If there's anything I can suggest in improving, it will be the fact that you can actually flesh out the characters here more. Like what that dude is thinking detail wise and a certain POV of the gal. Okay I know this suggestion might spoil things for the plot, but that's only if the whole thing isn't done properly. In fact if you can do this one in a good way, I believe it will be easier to hook the reader. :)

P.S: Pay this review back via A Ranger's Tale. :)

So while reading this it seemed pretty creepy that the guy was taking a picture of this girl who doesn't even realize he's there. It's still pretty creepy even though you've revealed the girl to be a killer, but it certainly adds a whole different type of tone to the writing.

I am very interested to see where this goes, it sounds like the kind of story I would really enjoy reading.

So this guy is a stalker or a voyeur, yeah? Cool beans, I love stuff like that. Short but sweet, gripping the reader and making them want to know what's going to happen to the girl and why the man wants to destroy her. Good job!

It's short, but it's still pretty good. The spelling and grammar is spotless, and there's some good suspense ("No one would notice that the innocent girl in the picture was really a killer"). I'm curious to know who the man with the camera is.

Wow, great intro! It makes you want to read more and wonder who this seemingly innocent girl is, and who this photographer dude is also. Awesome job!

Broken Cross

P.S. Please return my review. Thanks! :D

Looks very very interesting. I'm anxious to read more. Seems promising. Good work.

- Koki