|Reviews for Detechtive Robot|
| Lord Monbodo chapter 4 . 11/2/2010
"I have got seventy ideas," I stated. "All of them involve your violent and painful demise."
"I am certain you would find it difficult to make vocalizations if your head is cracked in several places," I said. "Kindly - to use the popular colloquialism – go climb up your thumb."
I saw the ending coming from a mile away; but the unholy levels of epic win that I. Ron is emitting are increasing. Don't let them stop.
| Lord Monbodo chapter 3 . 11/2/2010
Dang, I. Ron has no luck with women.
I have to say that out of all the characters you've created, I. Ron is my favorite.
| Lord Monbodo chapter 2 . 11/2/2010
There is something inherently awesome about superfluous jibs. I hope that I Ron never has his speech patterns fixed.
| Jave Harron chapter 17 . 10/29/2010
Fun chapter here! Definitely got some 'corrupt hick' vibes from the villain of the piece. Good to see more I. Ron in action.
| Jave Harron chapter 15 . 10/10/2010
I have to say, I enjoyed this story, even if it was told from a different perspective as the rest of the stories. Nice noir-ish twists near the end, and looking forward to more I. Ron!
| soliloquist chapter 1 . 10/2/2010
Okay, so I don't really post on fiction press any more, but I was bored and ended up browsing around a bit.
I've only read Ch 1 so far...oh. Just noticed the 1/2 width display setting. That must be new. Makes it much easier to read :P um, sorry...
So, when I did have time to write, there was this really neat person (San Carpenter) who used comment my stuff. She was really pedantic, and always spotted a few useful things. Now, I have no idea if you're still working this over, or if it is in the done-and-dusted drawer, but here are some things I spotted, in (roughly) chronological order:
a) Jimmy the Rat? Really? I mean, I know you're playing the cliche, but even so. Also, is he actually a rat? Cause I. Ron is so literal, I can't imagine him observing fur/claws etc. otherwise. If so...why is he a rat. Did I miss something? Is he genetically engineered?
b) How did he end up in a cell if his sensors were only down for moments after he was shot? (Could play frustration/frantic internal reprogramming as he struggled to reboot motor cortex here?)
c) I love the '3.4 accidents' but you use 'approximately' a lot - very Commander Data btw. 3.4 accidents, 40.2 cracks, whatever... generally only funny once. Although, if you went Terry Pratchett style, and explained the cause in footnotes...
d) Subbing 'bulls' for 'pigs' - nice touch. Or is that what you use where you're from?
e) A few wee typos:
'took me a picoseconds' - drop the s or put in a few
'as much as an adult male mind' - as much of?
'He pulled back the wielder' should be welder?
f) Finally, in the last scene - where did Henrietta come from? Was there a kidnapping, or did she run away, or what?
So, I hope this was helpful. Don't let suggestions/comments bug you - they are meant to be constructive, and I wouldn't bother if I didn't think your story was good enough to be worth getting right :)
Overall, I like the first person style, and the characters (Artemis Fowl Commander Data, anyone?) have plenty of scope. You've got the ganster/mob stuff down pat. I wish it could be made into a TV series.
| Lord Monbodo chapter 1 . 8/31/2010
You played the cliché brilliantly, and the internal monolog was hilarious.
"Why don't I apply my fists to you multiple times and cause pain and trauma?" should be a t-shirt quote. Anyway, I look forward to reading the rest of I Ron's adventures.
| Count Orlok chapter 1 . 8/26/2010
I love the concept.
| DeepSeaDragon chapter 8 . 8/11/2010
["That is good. Because no one will hear your screams." ] Have I mentioned that I love I. Ron?
["And my offer to pulverize you into unrecognizable bloody pulp if you threaten him with violence still stands," I stated.] WIN
I picked this chapter at random, and it's every bit as good as the rest. You may as well be the king of modern pulp, sir. Thanks for another enjoyable read!
| Jave Harron chapter 14 . 7/26/2010
Okay, I liked the conclusion. The story seemed to lag a bit in the middle, although it was started and ended with good action and dialogue. Think of it like a glue sandwich. Good beginning and ending slices, a little sticky in the middle.
| Jave Harron chapter 13 . 7/16/2010
Okay, awesome action as always and nice to see some old faces, but a question. Being a robot, why doesn't I. Ron just make a decoy or duplicate of himself from spare parts? Presumably he's got enough knowledge or ability to download such info about making a decoy or swapping bodies to hide as a different sort of bot.
| Jave Harron chapter 12 . 7/3/2010
Pretty awesome chapter here. Three way battle between space greasers, space cowboys, and space native-american analogs. I did like the homage to a lot of Western tropes here. Still, there is one twist I've seen recycled a bit too often in your work. I'll mention it in an email to not spoil it here.
| Jave Harron chapter 11 . 6/16/2010
Really liked this chapter. The nonstop action, the bizarre bounty hunters (that reminded me of Black Lagoon a bit) and plenty of awesome sets. You made it personal here, and it works out pretty well. I. Ron is definitely an awesome character of yours to read.
| Jave Harron chapter 10 . 6/6/2010
I have to say, I really liked the "Jurassic Planet" story. Awesome action, and dinosaurs are always cool. There were a few minor things: archaeologists (study ancient civs) should be paleontologists (study ancient animals). When I. Ron removes a certain character from the list, I kept thinking "No chance of a crime of passion or lying?" Overall, this chapter is really fucking awesome.
| Jave Harron chapter 9 . 5/20/2010
Another fun chapter, although a few issues. If a certain device was beeping, wouldn't it make for a rather poor one, especially given its task? Perhaps I. Ron has special enhanced hearing beyond most creatures, but seems odd the device is rather apparent. I did like seeing Dad and Son play off each other. And some strong and weak family bonds shown as well.