Reviews for Smooth Jazz
lilcarellijohn chapter 1 . 2/21
Robin Leigh chapter 1 . 10/23/2010
This is the best piece of work I've read so far tonight. Wow. Where DO you get your ideas? You're an awesome writer!
Serendipitist Swan chapter 1 . 10/10/2010
At first I thought this story was going to be like one of those spiritual tales. I wasn't expecting what you did but I ended up loving it anyway. You did a great job at building the suspenseful atmosphere and the ending was fabulous.

I noticed that you used the word "culprit" a lot, maybe try and spice that up?

Loved the gun man's lines, especially the "no repeats," one.

xXbunnyholicXx chapter 1 . 9/4/2010
Fantastic. A very new idea. You added a little bit of depth to their characters in such a short one shot, and that takes some serious skill. I love how the narrator went on this whole rant for a reason.



okay, i'm just going crazy.

Again, WONDERFUL piece. Very unique, very original.

"She's a hero!" - pure win line!

JuniperRhose chapter 1 . 7/9/2010
Haha, good for her. I especially liked when she told him the bartender was a hero. That part was moving (for me). Well done.
C. Tattiana H-H chapter 1 . 7/6/2010
The room was strung higher than a skyscraper...

-Fantastic. I really like this line.

"No repeats," snarled the culprit.

-Ahaha! XD This is one sick game. I love it.

This one was a little weird. But a good weird. I thought her reason for him not killing her was pretty hilarious. His reaction surprised me, but I enjoyed it. I think you ended it appropriately, but I would have liked more. I know that sounds contradictory, but I guess it was just such a good story I didn’t want it to end. /

You’re such an awesome writer. I’ve only read a few of your one-shots by now, but even between them all, I can tell that you’re pretty versatile. This piece was really quite clever, and I especially enjoyed the narrator’s character. She seemed incredibly realistic, and I liked the fear she felt because when I was reading it, I felt it as well. Excellent job with this one.
AvidWriter-92 chapter 1 . 6/29/2010
Haha, I loved this. :D

This whole plot line of it was very unique, I thought. (You do particularly well on stories where there's a killer in them, I noticed. )

The flow was very natural. It didn't seem forced or anything like that. I liked the descriptions and dialogue. It all just fit together, somehow... :)

When the people in the cafe started yelling out random things to save other people's lives, I thought that was cool. It shows the reader why being human is such a good thing. :)

I laughed at the narrator's little speech. Only an aspiring writer could come up with something like that while in the face of death. :P

Overall, I thought this was great. :) I didn't find any grammatical errors, but that doesn't surprise me. You're pretty good when it comes to grammar. :)

~Avid. Roadhouse/GF.

Repaid your review. 1/1. :)
xenolith chapter 1 . 6/9/2010
Whaat! This is a really well-told tale! You should be so chuffed. I enjoyed it immensely :D
knightlee chapter 1 . 5/31/2010
Great story, and very well executed! I was happy to find myself both interested in the narrator, intrigued by the culprit's motive, and the suspense was just the icing on my cake.

One thing I'd like to know is how the title fits into the story.(Maybe I'm missing something, or you didn't intend for it to fit in anyway.)

Anyhow, thanks for a fun read!
Minor Masterpiece chapter 1 . 3/21/2010
An amazing story.

I loved the entire plot of it, slightly ridiculous and very out there. As strange as it sounds, I would have enjoyed being there.

I also love the concept of you (at least I'm guessing it's you) being the main character "an amateur writer". Very creative.

-Mea of The review marathon, link in my profile
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 3/21/2010
Congrats on winning the Review Marathon! Here's your prize review:

I like the balance of humor and seriousness in this. The whole basis is ironic-the writer coming there for inspiration and all this happening. The man, too, has some underlying humor with his strange motivation and ego. But the situation is obviously a serious one. The balance keeps it interesting and realistic, but not too dark.

I really love your criminal. I love when writers put an interesting new spin on them. You didn't really focus on him too much, but the reader could still see a lot of his psychology. He seemed pretty desperate, going into this little cafe and doing this to the people, but he was also clever and almost like a writer himself, trying to make an interesting story. You did a great job creating him in such a short piece.
lookingwest chapter 1 . 3/8/2010
Being an amateur writer...

-I like the meta-narrative angle that you take with your narrator because I'm really into that sort of thing and it's always cool to be a little post-modern when going about fiction _

I also like how you jump right into the action for this because it really caught my attention, and when one has a word limit especially, it's great to get that challenge of not wasting time under wraps-I think you do it wonderfully!

Great tension with the counting down...

Bracing himself, the culprit leapt onto my table and sprinted outside, his figure soon lost to the snowfall ballet shrouding the city.

-I like how you tie in the prompt here through visuals and metaphoric literary devices within the writing because it makes me pay closer attention, and when I catch the little references to dancing and ballet juxtaposed with the weather outside, as I think you did at the beginning too, I feel like I've discovered little literary gems, XD.

From the Review Marathon's Review Squad, link in my profile
lipleaf chapter 1 . 2/17/2010
Well. This was certainly something different. I think my favorite character in here is the culprit. He's entertaining and certainly not your average criminal. Some of the reasons were laugh out loud funny. You have an interesting sense of humor.

I just love the entire idea of this story. It's quite creative and unique, which can be quite difficult to do. I especially like the ending. It was a nice twist- I was half expecting the police to bust in and take him prisoner. The main character's reason is pretty weird. I honestly didn't think the criminal would be convinced.
sophiesix chapter 1 . 2/11/2010
Ooh i had a nightmare about this last night XD the guy was after me too! awesome suspense, beautiful flow, great dialogue... though the first time i read it through, i didn't pick up on what reason she had given him not to kill her - is it because she would make him famous because she would be the one the write his story?

I really liked teh little descriptors like comparing teh writers to cobwebs and such, and in some parts would've liked a few more, but maybe thats just me being greedy XD great stuff!
Eternal Skies chapter 1 . 2/10/2010
this is so AWESOME! loved the originality of it! it's nice to read something different once in a while. i was tense through the whole situation. it was really strange that a guy would start asking these questions. why should i not blow your brains off?

and the thing about the narrator being a writer is totally clever. it felt more real. as if the narrotor has really been through the experience. it's freakin great.

i'm rooting for you for the competition! g'luck!
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