|Reviews for The Mimic Rout|
| fictionalboyfriend chapter 1 . 9/1/2010
And now I have chills all up and down my spine, thanks.
Normally I'd've ducked out when "horror" was mentioned, but this is marvellously compelling and creepy and delicious. I was finished before I had time to worry about what imprints it might leave on my imagination, and by then it was much, much too late. Br.
Ray Bradbury and H.P. Lovecraft are smiling.
| Tawny Owl chapter 1 . 5/31/2010
Here you go...
Definitely a weird one – but kind of psychological thriller in a strange way. I was anxious to get to the end to find out how it would work itself out. Writhing and rising suddenly feel very worm like movements, now I think about it.
I enjoy the idea of screwing with realities as well and I’ve been left with the impression that the transitions were well done, even though I’m still kind of spaced. The way the ball room was split like a melon, and the bit where he fell down were really good, jolting images. I could feel the room convulsing.
a chandelier glittered aloof – don’t really need aloof as there’s nowhere else for it to be. And you say it’s above in the sentence before.
Loved some of the description too. Actually quite a lot of them so I’m just going to pull out my favourite – starting with the description of Madeline and the slashed mouth.
The way you imply that there is something very wrong with the ballroom scenes right from the start is well done too. It immediately put me on the look out for supernatural goings on. Even the line ‘he was Lord Black’ implies that he’s normally used to being someone else.
His felt his breath catch – He.
To dissect in a few casual flicks of a pen. – beautiful. Although I’m not sure how this bit of italics fits in with the rest. There doesn’t seem to be an obvious continuation with the next one. Or is it just to set up how bleak the world outside the play is for him and why he’d be more willing to get sucked into it? The italics seem more like memories than things happening in the same time line as the play so that could explain it more. I get how his new job relates to the play, so does his homelessness some how relate to him getting the job…?
The waitress melting back into the ambience is good too, as is the bubbles.
"No, what you said was 'congratulations. I'm sure it'll be a wonderful place to work at.' That, 'gnocchis a la parisienne, please', and 'hey, Tom. How's it going?' are the three things you've said to me tonight." – you use said twice which makes this clunky. Maybe bung a period after going? And then say Those are the three things…
The stench of rotting is a good clue as well. I love the subtlety of it in the second ball room paragraph, but after that I can’t help thinking you need bigger clues: it feels like the idea of the worm should be presented sooner. I dunno –I’m left feeling that its presence is important and its some how orchestrating the whole thing because its linked to the play and the way people get trapped there, but I can’t quite unravel it all. I can’t help thinking that Tom and Abigail aren’t the only ones trapped though – that its somehow sucked in the whole audience or something. You say the pheasant couple smell septic – maybe there’s room to elaborate there?
he broke the surface and transferred some of his floating face to the cup. Lovely – and this - Her fingernails spider-danced their way up his arm, sparking chilling prickles everywhere they lit. Bitter blue blood is cool too.
I can’t help thinking that the wishing for the power to not come back on is bigger than what I’m getting. It’s like clicking your heels together three times or saying something ominous in a children’s fairy story – like somehow you have the power to alter the future with words. And I’m fascinated by Law as well. The fact that he makes him say it, that it’s the sort of play he’d like and that he’ so succinct. Maybe I’m just looking for connections that aren’t there but when I read this I feel like there’s something on the tip of my mind that I’m not getting. I don’t really have to either – I kind of like stories that make me think like that.
Ah, no wait. The bit about him being homeless happens directly after he burns down the theatre doesn’t it? It’s because the italics are all mashed up I didn’t get it. I like that they are all disconnected like memories, it just makes it a bit harder to get a grip on.
Love the description of the worm, and the pointy, questing nose snuffling the remains of the body. It’s a spine chilling image. The writing the play in two acts is a good ending – it gives a cyclical feeling. Like the worm exists in people’s heads or something and the play will be written and things will repeat.
| zombiesatemyface chapter 2 . 4/21/2010
Wow. I'm speechless. Which is a fantastic thing for a short story to do to a reader.
I absolutely adored your descriptions, and your diction absolutely perfect. I felt like I was actually seeing these things rather than just having them described for me.
I was also not expecting any of the things that happened in this story, and I've never read anything like it.
I don't remember how I stumbled upon this story, but I'm really glad I did. You did a superb job with this, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your writing.
| SophiaQ chapter 1 . 4/19/2010
Nice, I loved your description and usage of words. It made me feel like I was practically there and could see the dancers. Later I 'watched' the flesh melt off their bones. The story plot was interesting and the switching from memories to the present kept me guessing what was happening. The ending was something I defiantly didn't expect.
Keep writing, SophiaQ