Reviews for Morning Bread
thefilmchick chapter 1 . 4/30/2010
I like a lot of your comparisons: I don't picture toast and unwashed hair, for example, but they are the same color, aren't they? Good job using unexpected choices there. I also liked a lot of the subtle rhymes: 'rub the nub,' and 'dizzy' and 'fizzling,' for example.

I was a bit confused on the tense shift in the 'Give her sunlight' and 'Give her salvation' stanzas: The prior part of the poem is in present-tense imperative, so to have the past tense in those two stanzas seems a bit jarring to me. Could you make those present-tense? I think the poem would feel a bit more connected that way, anyway.

Some proofreading couldn't hurt: Her mother's fingers, and 'sleep pus,' for example. 'Its dangers' needs no apostrophe. 'Devoir' should be 'devour.'

A lot of the wording was effective, though; well done!
Brenda Agaro chapter 1 . 3/5/2010
You described moments and interactions between a parent and child so well. At least, that's how I saw this poem, with the parents who can't give a child all they want to give.

Just two small errors:

{Give her her mothers fingers pulling} mother's.

{from it's dangers.} its.
lipleaf chapter 1 . 2/20/2010
The repetition of "Give her" is lovely. It shows that the child needs so much, and yet she does not receive any of it. It makes the poem sound almost imploring, like a plea of a passerby to help the poor girl who has so little.

Your imagery here is wonderful. It's so descriptive and vivid, creating a series of images in my mind. I swear some of the parts seem like you are making my mind your canvas to paint desperate pictures on.

I think I agree with Isca- you would probably be able to find a literary magazine that would be happy to accept and publish this poem. It should be made available to those familiar with FP.
thursdays and rain chapter 1 . 2/18/2010
very vivid descriptions.. i utterly adore this piece and i'm not quite sure why.. everything is just awesome.. hearts ~
Isca chapter 1 . 2/15/2010
Firstly, I would just like to say that this is probably one of my favourite poems by you, Juliet. I don't know what it was about it, exactly, that moved me so much, but I couldn't stop reading it. Secondly, this is so profound it should be published. :)

"Give her an eerie sunrise." I like your use of the word "eerie" here. Normally, it's a word that would be better suited for dusk, but the fact that you used it to describe morning is quite avant-garde of you. Kudos.

"A piece of toast the color of unwashed hair." I don't know why I like this line, but I do. It's just something very natural and humble, I suppose.

"And ghosts who glide unbidden." 'Glide unbidden' is brilliant. Lovely ghost imagery. :)

"Bodies too ripe with morning." The tone of this line is absolutely perfect.

"The morning itself waxing underneath the hedge groves." Stunning image.

"Give her salvation." WOW. Very powerful.

"Give her the ache of morning." This is probably my favourite line; it's like the speaker knows that life is painful, but she wants that pain anyways, because it reminds her that she's still 'alive.'

Keep writing. You're very talented. I always enjoy reading your work. :)