Reviews for Nochnayia Lubov
Ellybeth chapter 13 . 8/5/2010
I enjoyed the first few chapters. But, its like a whole new book with way to many changes and no sense of time or relevance. Stick to one name. I can't read any more of the store because its to complicated. Sorry to be harsh but I would suggest editing and at least putting a time line or something in because it is way to confusing.
Narq chapter 18 . 8/1/2010
Heya, I'm here.

I love it how the words return to being simplistic and childlike when you talk about Dima, it's like we're all reduced to being a kid.

Be careful though, I noticed: "As he looked at the tall man in the doorway, his gaze was soaked in fear." - you're talking about Dima's gaze, right? But you're in Dima's POV, so that means that he wouldn't know his gaze is soaked with fear (he wouldn't see it, anyways). Good try, but you'll want to show it in another way.

I want to know more about Dr Chelyadin here. Dima likes/respects him so wouldn't he talk about minute details? Such as the colour of his moustache (if he has one) children do that, don't they? I remember a kid year one or something cmparing my sister's nose to a kind of fruit. she wasn't impressed. and I'm ashamed to say I was trying hard not to laugh. :P

Narq.
Punslinger chapter 18 . 7/31/2010
Thanks for giving us more information about Dima, although we're still in suspense as to what sort of medical researsh in which he is to be used. It's good to know that Dr. Chelyadin has a soft spot for the unfortunate boy. You continue to do well with characterization and telling phrases-e.g. "...infecting the air with their trepidation."
AvidWriter-92 chapter 6 . 7/30/2010
Oh! This chapter was great. :) Poor Olaf! :( He was such a good dog...

I liked this chapter a lot, because Katya is finding strength to do things, instead of Nikolai all of the time. :)

I thought it was very sad that he got hurt so badly, but I think that you described his pain and how he looked very well. :( I definitely would be as unsure as Katya, if I was in her shoes.

You know, I'm thinking that this would make a really good movie. :P

Anyway.

Hooray for that grandmother! I'm so happy that she did something, and didn't forget about them. :D That stew sounds like it could be their salvation. :)

Really great chapter, even if it was a bit shorter than usual. :P

Under the icons sorrowful, martyred gaze, the light split over Nikolai.

I think you mean "spilt," instead of split. :P

Oh, and what do you mean when you say "icon?" I was a bit confused about what that was... :P

~Avid, via RH/Gossip. :)
AvidWriter-92 chapter 5 . 7/30/2010
Hey, sophie. :D

I was a bit confused, at first, but then I realized that Katya was just imagining her friends. :( But I loved their conversation. Hehe. Anytime you get a group of women together, usually, they talk about men. :P I also thought it was unusual that they thought they were in Hell... Maybe it's a sign for something that happens later...?

I also like the conversations between Nikolai and Katya. It's kind of got the feeling where they don't need to talk, because they already know how each other feels... :) I like that. :D

"I have no soul."

-Wow. This conversation was deep! :( Katya's still obviously haunted by her past, and what that place did to her... *shudders* I hope that she might become a bit better when they get to his uncle's house. :)

Ah! Is this why they said they were in Hell at the beginning, because they think that their souls are gone? :(

I enjoyed the descriptions that you had about the forest, and the villagers despiration. :) Good job!

No, not Nikolai! He's a good person; why do bad things happen to good people? :( Ah, I hope that Katya goes to help him! I thought this was a great way to end this chapter. Very suspenseful, and Nikolai getting beat is kind of a metaphor for the whole chapter's outline. :)

Good work on this, sophie! ;D

~Avid, Roadhouse/Gossip. :) Repaid review. (1/1)
xenolith chapter 17 . 7/29/2010
Hello!

'Even if her violin case was jammed like a tiny chaperone between them' - I almost feel like you need something before this statement so that it sounds right. Something explanatory about how he felt good, despite the fact that... ect. Hope that made sense :/

'Nikolai's abashed smile as he dragged on Pasha's cigarette gave him away' - 'dragged' is distracting, perhaps 'sucked' instead?

'He removed his arm from the girl beside him and in the emptiness signalled for a waiter' - I liked this, the emptiness of an awkward, tense silence!

'Grisha hastened to add after the waiter's sour faced retreat' - sour-faced?

'She looked at him so merrily, her face so beautified by her mischievous smile, that he grabbed her and hugged her hard, unable to resist' - AAW! I love impromptu hugs! That's the sweetest thing XD

'She hooked her gloves round the bars of a side gate, and peered into the forbidden gardens inside' - I really, really like this image.

'Her lips at his throat, making him fall into a deep pit of desire' - not sure about this line as it is, the cynic in me thinks it's a little corny lol but that's not my problem. I think it could sound better without the 'making him', maybe use a stronger word/image, like he's being thrown in, pushed in, lured in, or something like that.

'His heart was a bruise, torn between her words and her actions' - AW! Damm. He's like a puppy, he can't be sad he just can't!

'His gaze floated from theory to theory' - I don't quite understand that, the 'gaze' part. You've got the word 'thoughts' in the next sentence so you couldn't substitute it for that. It's just gaze makes me think of looking at something tangible. Maybe 'mind'?

His resolve at the end seemed too quick for me. I would have liked him to worry about it more, or to go into a little more detail regarding his theories just to round off the chapter nicely. That's the only real criticism I have for this. I think I'm just glad to have more of it, I suppose. And I just realized that I might have had an ‘AW’ overload, I’m sorry, but the sweetness factor of Nikolai’s feelings is just too much. You describe them (and him) so well! I almost wish this part of the story could end happily, but then we wouldn’t have the jail, and the escape, and all that juicy, juicy drama. Looking forward to more!
Narq chapter 17 . 7/27/2010
Hey!

haha, Pasha, I love your "hm, sweaty!" XD so like my kitten/dog!

"kissed him long and tender" seems a bit wierdly put?

With a bit of insight... is "A waiter hurried over with jugs of kvas, and Pasha held up a hand to stop him. Nikolai could bet he could stop a train with the authority in that gesture." that somehow a hint that in the future, Pasha WILL stop a train with authority? please please please!

"drunk on love" wonderfl!

""It was always a dream of mine to play for the Tsar…" she said dreamily. The word burned his ears. But she had eyes only for the wooded darkness." - ooh! Dun dun dun!

I think your Katyushka's mood swings are a wee bit to fast. There needs to be a transaction between "morning my lor/we rehearsed well last night/ I supposed you nobles are used to the best" and suddenly an angry "you tire of me already" it was a bit sudden and I couldn't see exactly why.

Narq.
Michael Howard chapter 17 . 7/27/2010
A longer wait than usual for this installment but our patience has been amply rewarded with vividly realized word imagery like:

"Grisha tipped him with a hundred rouble note and the girls' eyes rounded as one."

And:

"She ran a finger down the length of his fine, straight nose as if it were a bar of gold."

I did think identifying the type of skaters here was a bit redundant, though:

"The ice-skaters had grown thin on the ice this late at night"

" "Nice." He look away, but she caught the edge of his grimace."

LookED

"her eyes lit with tiny sparks of bliss."

Wonderful!

"It's exquisite solo voice swooning drunkenly over a few begged notes."

Clearly a typo to add an apostrophe to the possessive Its there since you did it without in the previous sentence.

"careful not to disturb the oxen shifting their feet on his tender brain."

Hah!

Good stuff from start to finish!
Punslinger chapter 17 . 7/25/2010
Nikolai "grinning like a mad idiot" seems redundant. "The ice skaters had grown thin on the ice..."-had the skaters individually lost weight, or had the crowd thinned out? (I just wanted to get the nit-picking out of the way before complimenting you on a well-made chapter.)

You have a fine touch for the confusion and awkward tenderness of young love. I like your easy turn of phrase: the violin's "exquisite solo voice swooning drunkenly over a few begged notes." "her smile a slice of juciest plum begging to be sucked." and "her frown darkening the air between them."

Katyushka's decision to take Nikolai to her bed with little urging seemed overly abrupt, as was her kicking him out of it. Maybe that's just your way of establishing her mercurial personality..?
AvidWriter-92 chapter 4 . 7/24/2010
Wow, Sophie! I love this story so much. :D

It's so well written, and I love the way that you describe things... It somehow makes it seem like it's from that time period itself. Not quite sure if that's intentional or not, but hey, it works. .

I also like how real you're making Katya. She's still very haunted by her experiences in the camp, and I don't think she'll ever become used to life with Nikolai, even if she does eventually escape and they reach his grandfathers...

:)

I dont really know what else to say, except that I adore this story. I know that's not incredibly helpful. :P

I was almost as scared as Nikolai, when Katya was contemplating jumping into the river... :/ That was scary, and I love how you wrote his reaction... :) I hope that they do make it to his grandfather's and I'm interested to read on to know what his character will be like, and who exactly he is... :P

~Avid, via the Roadhouse/Gossip. :)
Tawny Owl chapter 9 . 7/19/2010
The party raged just within the limits of chaos and extravagance. – lovely. It conjures up an image of them keeping themselves just under control.

laughter like bells pealed from one affected expression to another, as desperately infectious as the latest fashion. – Brilliant!

Your description of Gorodin sums it all up too. I loved it. I think if you just said he had an oval face rather than the kind of oval face it would have made the sentence and the image stronger.

He hauled Yulya to her feet and hauled – repetition.

A carpet of sharp-edged diamonds imprisoned her. – very powerful

The next evening saw all the usual suspects - I think you can think of a more imaginative way of saying it – usual suspects feels a bit out of place. Kind of a bit cliché or a bit too modern.

Not a word was said until the Emperor left the rooms, and everyone could be sure he was not coming back. – I think you can expand on this. They aren’t talking, but is there deliberate not looking. Do either of the girls react and then try to hide it? That could be a good way to show Afimiya’s youth next to Yulya’s experience.
Tawny Owl chapter 8 . 7/19/2010
Nice beginning. A lot of description but it didn’t feel unnecessary, rather like you were leading us through a series of swing doors. Not sure how I feel about the weeping dresses and shoes though. I like that it makes them sad, but I found it hard to imaging a pile of shoes looking like they were weeping. The skirts of dresses trailing over chairs I can imagine.

Sleep dragging at her words – nice.

He decided the answer was yes. – I like this.

"Did you get in trouble did you?" – huh?

the firelight painting her reaching arm – nice line. I think you could expand on it though and mention colours or patterns.

Very intriguing beginning – feels like a class gap is about to be breached.
naito-kun chapter 1 . 7/14/2010
oh man, i loved this chapter! and hahahahaha stalinist russia, i'm studying stalin for school, single party states lol.
lookingwest chapter 9 . 7/8/2010
Besides, he was that drunk he could barely string two sentences together.

-Style Edit: maybe replace "that" with "so"

Wow. Really big difference from the first part of this story Sophie! I love the contrast from the filthy descriptions of prisons in running with Nikolai and Katya, to the grand parties of the aristocracy. You've got such a wide range with settings, it shocks me every time and is a delight to read!

I absolutely loved the descriptions of Gor, they were presently repulsive, and your constant reminder of his "sausage fingers" ect, was just, ew, but awesome! I loved the whole party with how his wife Afimiya was meant to clean up the wine glass-that was really harsh, but you characterized both her and her husband well. I felt bad for her, which was interesting because I didn't think I would-then again with a husband like that? Ick! I'm so glad that I grew up in the 21st century sometimes-this is one of those times. Russia was super harsh back with Stalin and Lenin, and you've got me digging for my history books here-I wish I had been reading this story during my Women in Russia course, it would have paralleled wonderfully! I find the words you use and the description of the setting, especially dropping Russian names, like the song, "Katinka" really cool-it feels so authentic. This is the best historical romance/story I've read on FP-maybe even ever, haha.

No crits for now either, I loved the ending too. I was wondering how you could possibly tie this back to Katya! Such great writing!
lookingwest chapter 8 . 7/8/2010
Oh yay, I always find it unique that you continue stories as different books on FP-that just reminds me that I have to finish the different books of First Drawn -_- But anyway, I was really excited to see what you would do for this next book because the ending to the last felt like an ending, but not a *real* ending, you know?

I *loved* the opening paragraph, it was beautiful. The descriptions of the palace were magical, beautiful, yet still creepy when you mentioned the hollowness, ect. I had a great sense of the place, and how the characters used it too, the spacial visualizations were amazing. The "lanterns hanging from trees" simile in the beginning really hooked me.

I enjoyed the dialogue too, I found no problems with it and I found it realistic, I'm really wondering what this has to do with Nikolai and Katya! Is the woman Katya or is Nikolai the small boy and this is his past? I can't wait to find out! You really did a wonderful job building the tension too, but mentioning that hollowness of the palace you built on it, until the last line, which just gives chills. What's about to start? There's definitley a mystery there! Looking forward to it!
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