|Reviews for Nochnayia Lubov|
| Mousie Moolie chapter 48 . 4/5/2011
Ah wow. I loved this chapter, I love all the chapters! But the love and the fluff, I live for it
| Punslinger chapter 48 . 4/3/2011
My monitor screen steamed up so much that I could hardly read the final portion of this chapter. But I'll try to review it anyway.
"I promise you on the life of my Tsar that you will not need to tie me up." - Nora is very generous with another person's life. Why didn't she promise on her own life?
I admit that I was disappointed when she didn't want to get into kinky stuff with him. Then it turned out that he was only concerned that her passionate spasms might inflict fatal injuries on his delicate body.
I don't understand Nora's haughty refusal to be the Tsar's sex slave when in an earlier chapter she was willing to be his faithful dog to advance her career. Seems to me she would jump at a chance to become a royal mistress with the hope-however faint-of someday giving him an heir and sharing the throne with him.
But I found the seduction scene captivating, if in need of some careful rewriting. The Tsar's lust is entirely believable in view of the celibate life he has been forced to endure for so many years.
| Narq chapter 48 . 4/3/2011
Love you, Nora.
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 48 . 4/3/2011
So, that was a pretty awesome update! I'm glad they finally understand each other. These next few chapters are going to be quite interesting, I think. I want to know what you do now that Noralexei made the leap into a relationship-ish thing. And you can see my note further down in the review about Nikatya.
Anyway, here we go with the critiquing!
I'm not sure if I've already said this, but it has been in my mind ever since you reintroduced Nora, so I'm going to put it out there: since Nora came back into the story, the change in tone has been incredibly evident. It's not a change in the tone of your writing, but the tone of the story itself. The characteristic darkness that was so characteristic at the beginning of the story is pretty much absent at this point; the "colors" I see when I read your story now don't feel like the same ones that I saw when I did my first read-through of this story. Does that make any sense? It's almost like this story with Nora is a different one entirely. Don't take this the wrong way, but it seems like you're writing (very well-written) fan fiction for your own story; it just doesn't dovetail with the rest of it, for whatever reason. You're probably tired of hearing that I think Nora should be dead (and I'm sure Nora's pretty upset about that too), but that is how I feel.
Anyway, on to other things :)
There is one part in this chapter I think you could have lingered on for a little bit longer:
"What?" Nora racked her brains. "Don't be silly, I-" Then it dawned on her who this little boy must be. Nikolai's boy, the one held prisoner in the Palace. Her mind was like a sieve these days. That damn Tsar. Her cheeks coloured. She couldn't quite remember the boy's name.
"You're Katyushka. You helped Kolya."
"Dima." A stern male voice further down the corridor. Dima sprinted towards it. Nora saw him take the hand of an elderly man. They walked away.
Nora slumped in her chair, crossing her arms under her brassiere. It wasn't fair that she should feel guilty. The Tsar had his reasons for keeping a small boy hanging around. It wasn't up to her to-
I know she has romance on her mind, but perhaps there is a better way to write this part if you want Nikolai and Nora to interact with each other again. Perhaps a small change or a subtle shift in the narrator's focus would do the trick. Either way, I think you're underestimating the value of this section as a "why-the-fuck-did-he-call-me-Katyushka" device. I think it could be very effective in (ahem) bringing Katya and Nikolai back into the flow of your story. Actually, if you don't mind, how are you going to go about that? Nikolai is kind of AWOL, and Katya is supposed to be at a prison camp. It's not like they're going to be traipsing around downtown Moscow any time in the near future. I'm sure you have ideas, but all the same, I think it could be very difficult.
Okay, so, what else do I have...
Again, I come back to that author-fan-fiction idea. This chapter is really heavy on the physical touches that so far have been totally absent from the Noralexei dynamic, but that is to be expected. Still, I can't shake that something doesn't feel right. I know I'm pretty singular among your regular readers in terms of liking Nikatya more than Noralexei, but I think that the duality of their romance as both a savior and an escape is captivating; I find it much more compelling than Noralexei, which feels like the pop-music of the relationships in this novel, if you'll pardon the analogy.
Ahh... I feel like I've done nothing but hate on your story this chapter :( I still love Noch, I promise! I just want it to be as awesome as possible, so I'm nit-picking.
One more piece of concrit: these past two chapters were a little bit short. I'm sure I wouldn't mind if there were chapters after it, but as it is, I think they could use a bit more padding in terms of length.
Your words were liquid poetry, as always, and the intimacy didn't seem forced at all. Maybe Nora was a bit devious at times in borderline seducing the Tsar, but it isn't necessarily outside of her character (in fact, maybe it's almost a habit), and you wrote it perfectly. Dima was hilarious too. "Checking for secret passages. But it's just a hole." Your number one fanboy would appreciate if you took note of the salient double-entendre embedded in that statement, and perhaps consider the wording there. I thought it was great though. Also, I thought that the part where he grabbed the silk ribbons was... pretty interesting as well. You did a good job keeping yourself in the time of your story and not taking a leap toward the obviously kinky assumptions that go with tying down a lover.
I definitely thought it, though. As soon as he started to tie her down I was like... Wow, Alexei. What have you been getting into while Nikolai was in camp, hmm? Kinky...
Pretty solid job on the setting and scene. Maybe not quite as great as the gulag, though I think you'll be hard pressed to do better than that. Maybe a few more details from Nora's point of view, perhaps? For instance, how do the sheets feel? Temperature of the bedroom? The lighting? I get the impression that lightning in the palace is overall very scarce, albeit ambient, but if you want to set a different tone for a scene like this one, you should let your readers know.
Wow. This was a pretty big review, even by my standards. It's only because I love Noch so much :)
When this gets published, I'm totally buying it. Just FYI.
Your favorite fanboy,
| 3H chapter 48 . 4/3/2011
Uh...Excuse me? When did Nora start lusting after the Tsar? And he in return? Please redirect me to that chapter and scene. Was it the night she saved him? All I can say is OH MY GOSH! I can see Koyla being haunted by this. Nora picks the sickly Tsar over him? How old is Alexei by the way? Wonder if, by the time we return to Koyla and Katya that Nora is still at the palace, with child or something crazy that'll haunt Nikolai. This was a great UNEXPECTED chapter. Hurry and update please!
| fireflyofhell chapter 48 . 4/3/2011
Hm, I'm not sure of what to think about this entire Nora/Tsar development. I kinda want to go back to Kolya, but this is really interesting too since it adds a whole new dimension to Alexei's character. )
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 47 . 3/26/2011
I like Dima and Chelyadin in this chapter a lot more than I like Nora and Alexei. The tension seemed a little too thick in this chapter - and so did their characters. Nora and Alexei's romance has always felt 'delicate' to me, and they both are very experienced and insightful characters. Why they both can't figure out that the sexual tension is thicker than butter is beyond me. I'm not sure how well this is working, and because I love this story I'm going to flat out tell you:
Up until the point where Nora asks for permission to speak freely, you need to cut the first half of this chapter, or at least give it a serious makeover. It isn't doing what you want it to do.
But, I still love you and your story :) And don't take this the wrong way; the first half wasn't sloppily written by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, it was some of the strongest and most intense emotion you've had in this story since Katya and Nikolai were on the run from the camp. It just doesn't fit in the context of the Noralexei romance. And yes, yes I did just do that name-a-relationship fanboy thing.
The second half was great. I do have a concern on the clarity of one particular paragraph, though.
"The Tsar had been distracted for this morning's treatment. Chelyadin knew it was because he was worried, as always, over the matter of an heir. Tradition held it ought to be the eldest son of the royal line – but there was no royal line anymore. Just Alexei and Anastasia."
Really? Or is it because of Nora? If it's because of Nora, you should probably consider saying that "Chelyadin assumed", or "Cheyladin hypothesized", or some other word of your choosing that you feel has the correct connotations.
I think the ending did more work for Dima's character than anything else up to this point. It shows that Dima is lively again - like a child is supposed to be. It gives you ample opportunity to actually use him as a character. A great little bit of show-don't-tell right there.
Let me see... Other things... You already know my overall feelings on Nora being not dead anymore. On a technical level, your writing is polished and excellent as always. Oh! Yes, I do have one thing that I want to make you aware of: where is my Nikatya romance? I haven't seen any of them in a very long while, I believe, and honestly, their relationship intrigues me, much more so than the fairy-tale, commoner-and-royalty Noralexei relationship, well-written as it is. I like reading about relationships and romances that come about from unusual circumstances. In short, I miss them.
So, I'm pretty sure that wraps it up! Good chapter, and sorry it's taken me so long to get you reviews for this one; I've had a stupid busy week.
Your favorite fanboy (who just jumped to a new level of fanboyness with the terms "Noralexei" and "Nikatya"),
| NinaBinaBallerina chapter 47 . 3/24/2011
I hope Nora andyour the Tsar get together. I love all characters, but especially the Tsar. His character is so real, maybe because he is so flawed. I also love how you changed history. It is a different approach. Can't wait till the next update!
| Narq chapter 47 . 3/24/2011
Dima, if you can't behave I'll have to send you to your room
- I like the start contrast to Dima before and Dima now. It's really is like he's two people entirely. Before, he hadn't the spirit to do anything; now, Chelyadin has to talk to him to get him to behave, but that's what a kid should be like!
And Nora, the Tsar loves you. Alexei, you know you can't deny yourself of such a beautiful woman ;)
| Tawny Owl chapter 46 . 3/24/2011
But he did not really see her. He did not hear her. He heard no one. - I'm not sur ewhat youmean by this. If the woman sneaks in while he's aslepp or if Dima is so crushed by what happened at the stair case that he is not really registering things at the moment.
fingers. It all felt terribly difficult. He did nothing.
Loving the bleakness of these short sentences. There's no discussion to be had. he does nothing. It shows his state of mind much better than lots of emotional rambling would. I need to learn something from that.
Blizzard, is it? Snow bear in a snowstorm?" Ha! I never expected she'd do something so adventurous, but the sense of humour is right somehow. It seems like Shybs has always been eclipsed by her brother until now, so it's nice to see her without him.
Dim gaped - typo
I'm a princess you see, and my evil brother keeps me locked in my tower." - I never thought of it like that, but it's accurate.
Shvbs smiled at her friend, and rather cautiously, her friend smiled back. Oh, I love that.
And the practicality of Dima's observations about the plants in the garden.
Apologising for him in advance. ha! Or will we get to see a mor erelaxed Tsar today? Apparently not. But the fact that Shybs isn't scared of him is going to stop things getting too thundery.
The Tsar's pedigree eyes - I'm glad you put that in, otherwise I don't think I would have picked up on it. I think because Dima was being innocent rather than malicious.
Loving Shybs a lot in this bit.
Argh! She lives! And appears after a discussion about children being born out of wedlock...
Shock glazed his face.
not sure about this. glazed seems too passive, but there is that kind of cold lingering shock.
He knew each of these thoughts was ridiculous - Well, I'm not totally prepared to believe she's in league with teh Nazis, but I'd not be inclined to be trusting with her either. What the hell does she want anyway? Grr.
Interesting that you're not to keen on the resurection either. WHy did you fancy trying it? I know I'm not keen on her , but she'd make an interesting plot device.
| Punslinger chapter 47 . 3/24/2011
In the 15th line from the bottom, "known him" appears twice. You could tighten up the sentence by writing simply: "...and Chelydin had never known him to..."
A good chapter. I'm getting a better sense of the Tsar's thing for Nora, whatever it turns out to be. But my objections on the previous chapter still stand.
Nora's return still seems too casual, after all she has gone through. The months' long ordeal of sneaking through enemy territory should have had serious effects on her physically and mentally.
| Michael Howard chapter 47 . 3/23/2011
"If only the Tsar would look passed his mottled upbringing to date."
"The Tsar was the Tsar, and over all the years Chelyadin had known him, he never known him to change his mind on this."
Yikes! At least one missing word there and some of the ones you have included are a kind of clunky.
Continuing the theme of general snarky-ness here, I'll offer my completely unprofessional opinion that the Nora POV scene was a bit overwrought, even with the logical expectation that strong emotions would be in play for a reunion like this.
On the plus side, however, and there's always a plus side with a writer of your caliber, Alexei and Anastasia are so real, so nuanced, so human, as you portray them, I consider them absolutely facinating.
Long live the Romanovs!
| 3H chapter 47 . 3/23/2011
I envy the way you write. Like this line,"Her gaze crept over his back, the stretch of cotton uniform over it, memorising its planes and curves by the light of his desk lamp." I mean, seriously...It would have taken me a half hour to write that one line. How do you do it? And I love Dima, he has more life in him now. I love how you showed him scaling the bookshelves. The image in my mind was so clear, I could see him smirking when Chelyadin called him. By the way, how old is he now? Anyways, Alexei has a soft spot for Nora. I mean she only caught him, but I guess to someone in his condition that meant she did save his life. This chapter was short but good. Can't wait until the next chapter.
| Michael Howard chapter 46 . 3/22/2011
"A breeze sneaked in a lifted the skirts of his papers."
'a' should be 'and'
"Do hate being locked up here as much as I do?"
Second word should be 'you' I think.
Anastasia was in fine form here but Nora, a version of Nora at any rate, wins the most intriguing female award this time around.
Very curious to see what comes next!
| berley chapter 30 . 3/22/2011
Ah, you moved the chapters around! So this review is for the Prologue, since it won’t let me review the actual chapter.
“Caged within the rigid corset of high society, it was better to laugh loudly than weep softly. Even if fear held you so tight it threatened to shatter you. Even if your soul were dead.”
- I adore that line!
I really liked how you described Gorodin, using words and phrases like sweat slopping, jowls, accumulating fat, gasping for oxygen, wobbling flesh. It was lovely and disgusting. Haha. It reminded me of like…a really really bad beast of an animal or something. I don’t know, but I liked it! The only one I would suggest changing is sausage fingers, only because I’ve heard and read that many times before to describe a fat dudes hands. Haha.
Yeah, your general descriptions were pretty much my favourite part of this chapter. They are so original and you paint this beautiful world for me. I got the most vivid images in my head while reading this chapter, it was awesome! I can’t wait to read more, and in this different order now! Haha.