|Reviews for Snooki|
| Widow's Peak chapter 1 . 12/9/2012
Hey, wow I'm sorry for using this review as a PM (Though I'll probably end up reading it, your original comics were always awesome so. writing. Probably also awesome), But I just recently went back and read a bunch of comics and...Just like everyone else wondering what happened to you?
Anywho, hope life is good. Sorry again!
| tinechris chapter 7 . 10/31/2011
ugh. i just love how you write! its soo, je ne sais pa, artistic. Can't explain, just love it.
| tinechris chapter 3 . 10/31/2011
i seriously love antying you write. this story is no exception.
| SJose chapter 1 . 3/2/2011
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| Lillian Bell chapter 3 . 4/3/2010
First off, I like how you’ve fleshed out your characters, giving them their own quirks and habits. That’s what makes your story interesting to me. I found myself smiling on a few occasions. There are a few technical things I’d like to point out, though.
You switch back and forth between past and present tense very often, particularly when your narrator is explaining things to the audience. I suggest double-checking for present tense words like ‘says,’ ‘is,’ ‘can,’ etc. after finishing each paragraph, until you can get the hang of sticking to past tense all the time.
This is a minor pick, but you might want to revise your first chapter a bit. The first three or four paragraphs serve as a large info-dump, which can turn off a lot of readers. Add some kind of hook to catch their immediate attention. There are a few more minor info-dumps every time you introduce a character and give their detailed physical descriptions and histories, but in a romance, this practice is more forgivable. ;) I would still suggest spacing character descriptions out, adding new details when the appropriate situation arises.
There are a few places where your sentence structure grows monotonous. Here’s one example: “No," I groaned. She smiled. She looked like she didn't believe me. I slapped my thigh fast and hard, and called Snooki. He tore away from Tyler and pounded after me; he hadn't seen me all day, after all.”
These sentences all start with a pronoun, which works in certain situations, but here it just feels clunky and awkward to read.
There are a few small issues with repetitive word choice, but you’ll just have to fix that up with some minor editing. Overall, it’s not a bad story, it just needs a bit of work.
Hope this helps, and keep writing! :)
| makeyourownpoison chapter 7 . 3/25/2010
ha. this is brilliant, lol.
i can sort of see where this is going.
i have theories.
so, correct me if i'm wrong but -
chloe likes leroy.
leroy will get over tyler.
in the end it'll be chloe & leroy.
i don't know - i could be wrong.
but this is what i'm getting.
who knows, my guesses are almost always right.
oh, and question - how old are they?
i thought they were 16-17, but apparently lee isn't even 16 yet.
i really hope he isn't fourteen or something.
well, uh, update soon?
| SoDivine chapter 7 . 2/22/2010
Nice chapter...though I don't know why exactly but I really just don't like Chloe. I seriously can't figure out why! Right now I'm rooting for Leroy to end up with Tyler...but who knows maybe on late chapter I'll warm up to Chloe..?
| annahunlimited chapter 6 . 2/21/2010
ahahahahah Chloe :]
Actually this story reminds me of a really good guy friend of mine. I mean, he's pretty much like Leroy which makes me laugh.
| Joshua Stephens chapter 6 . 2/20/2010
Your stories have become my guilty pleasure, you know that?
So what's the deal with Chloe? My gut tells me that she likes Leroy, from her behavior. Don't tell me we're gonna have a love triangle here?
Oh, critique, right. Um, use italics less. That's something.
| escfan chapter 6 . 2/20/2010
Maybe it's just me reading into the story too much, but why do I have a feeling that at the end, after spending so much time with Chloe and Tyler, Leroy would realize that Chloe is actually the one he likes more? I don't know, it just seems there's a whole lot more Chloe than Tyler in his narration.
Or maybe I'm just insane.
The latter seems more likely. Hah.
| streetlabmix chapter 3 . 2/17/2010
d'aww ending was so cute~
| chewychester chapter 3 . 2/17/2010
I like how he sees himself with Tyler.
| streetlabmix chapter 2 . 2/16/2010
wow, you wrote that laughter sceen perfectly~ I was smiling away cuz I could imagin it so well.
| streetlabmix chapter 1 . 2/16/2010
love it :D
It's nice reading love stories that are from a male point of view
nice humour too ;D
| annahunlimited chapter 2 . 2/16/2010
ahh all sounds good so far. and chloe? hm ahahahah
as a reply to your reply: actually don't think you're being absent minded but it made me laugh, thinking Clair would go out with a guy like him.
Actually a story about Clair falling in love would be cool but you're the author so I won't be like WRITE A STORY ABOUT CLAIR OR I WILL MAKE YOU MILK A COW IN A CLOWN COSTUME! or something like that.