|Reviews for Provenance I: Verlangen|
| marijee chapter 16 . 10/16/2010
Ashland actually made a joke? Was he getting back at Marilein for wanting to cut off one of his balls? LOL!
| marijee chapter 14 . 10/16/2010
Marilein is so stubborn...and so is Ash. The wolf is trying to emerge in her and she's fighting it...that probably is not healthy. Pluse, Marilein doesn't know how this all works. Someone needs to explain to her what is and will be happening.
| marijee chapter 12 . 10/16/2010
Well, Marilein feels the pull towards Ashland, but that's about it. She acts somewhat childishly in reaction to Ardie and Ash, but I guess I don't blame her. I know these two are Alpha males...but Ash isn't very romantic. He's bossy and doesn't treat Marilein very nice, I don't think. Rejecting him was a bad idea though...
| marijee chapter 10 . 10/15/2010
Phoebe and Georgia crack me up...but both may be playing a dangerous game. Oh and talk about bad boys...I think Ashland is looking to be bad!
| marijee chapter 6 . 10/15/2010
Hm, I wonder why Ashland lied to his mother? Is she mad that he didn't mate or that he lied? I hope she ends up on Marilein's side...well at least on the side of reason. Ashland does need to control his wolf.
| marijee chapter 3 . 10/15/2010
Sounds like Ash has a bit of a control problem. I thought Peter was going to chaperone? He might need to.
| marijee chapter 1 . 10/15/2010
I am a little confused by the flashback. (That's what it was, wasn't it?) But I enjoyed the general feel of this chapter. I wonder what kind of history Ashland and Marilein have. Reading on.
| Oriana-Lian-Starchild chapter 1 . 9/20/2010
I love this
| Vulture Of Culture chapter 1 . 9/11/2010
I just read your first chapter and I liked it a lot, so I copied all the chapters to read them on my iPod and I noticed that you used a lot of German in your story.
Like I said, I haven't read more than the first chapter yet, so I can't really tell how good your German is, but, you see, I am German and if you have any trouble translating anything I'd be very happy to help you (:
Just message me ;)
| rosakissu chapter 5 . 9/11/2010
OK well so far the story isn't that bad. I like the new twist to it, it is different, makes it more unique :) the fact that Ash is an asshole and Mari is scared shitless of him. Though the german isn't always perfect. Like in this chapter when he says
Good thing I don't own any, ja? then it would fit more to put there the word 'oder' instead of ja.
Then when he says he wants her, it should actually be 'ich will dich' 'möchte' isn't wrong but 'will' is more urgent and would really fit here.
Hope that helped for this chapter (there were a few misyakes in the last chapter too but I know that some people said already what it was)
| Tomoe Kawaji chapter 13 . 9/11/2010
Maybe I've misread, but I read and could not find anything in the story to indicate that turning a human (against its will) is illegal. That is except for the phrase "It's illegal!" While I like the kind of werewolf universe you have going on here, it puzzles me when "non-consensual turning" is involved. What makes it count as being against the human's will? There were no witnesses to Ashland turning Marilein, were there? Ashland could have easily said Marilein wanted it at the time. In fact, if he had said that then the whole illegal part might have bugged me less... The story kind of passes it off like "It's illegal! Oh, okay" to me. Are there no wolf lawyers that handle these kind of matters? A fine, at least? I guess what I'm wondering here is "what's the punishment for non-consensual turning?" I mean, there must be some kind of punishment to keep wolves from trying to wipe out humans by making them into wolves...
Haha... wolves in suits with attache cases. XD
Also, this line bugged me a little: "I whimpered. Yeah, I whimpered because I was scared shitless!" I don't think you need the latter sentence. It weakens the beginning of the next paragraph-""Do you really want me to?" His voice was deep and chilling." In fact, I think it would flow better if you cut out the "Yeah, I whimpered because..." bit. You've built up the tenseness of the situation so nicely, but it gets interrupted by that line. Are you trying to provide some relief to the reader with the exclamation? Some writers do that, but in this chapter it seems uncharacteristic. _ Just my two cents with this chapter.
| Guest chapter 3 . 9/6/2010
Great start to the story. Yes. "Sie sind sehr schön" is correctly conjugated and does mean "You are very beautiful". I would like to point out, that while the conjugation is correct, the use of "sie" is meant to address someone above you. A student would use "sie" to address a teacher or parent (someone you should give respect to. However, if you wish to address someone of equal status, say, a friend, you would use "du". To address a friend, it would look like "Du bist sehr schön". The meaning is the same, just conjugated to address an equal, not someone of higher status.
| 11cina24 chapter 28 . 9/3/2010
Duude your story us FUCKING AMAZING!(:
Ooh, okay, so I have this idea about another story you could do based off of this one(: you know that little girl who wanted Ashland & stuff? And how Ashland's mate described her as this weird little girl, well I was thinking you could do story off of her(: that'd be awesome. The little girls character though could stay the same, and if you read (Riley & I) I think she should act as Riley where she barely speaks unless needed to and has this mysterious thing about her:D hahah this is getting long, but yupp. I enjoyed your story a lot(: all of your werewolf FICA are fantastic!
| weeeangie chapter 28 . 8/18/2010
this is nice! lol! i got a little lost at the end but then you have a sequel coming up so yeah. GO KIDS! woo! it would have been better if the whole family was there. you know fathers, mothers and kids.
| Aradia Cloud chapter 28 . 8/17/2010
One word. Fuckinawesomeshit.