|Reviews for Provenance I: Verlangen|
| BlueRaccoonAnne chapter 9 . 3/15/2014
Hi! This story seemed to have potential, but the grammar mistakes were bothersome. I'm not sure if this is your rough draft or if it will be revised, but hopefully you can fix those mistakes! I can be a grammar Nazi sometimes, and I don't know if this is one of those moments, but the sentence structures and grammar mistakes were the killing factor in this story that, unfortunately, made me decide in quitting this story altogether- simple grammar mistakes might lead to not-so-developed writing. This is just constructive criticism, and I hope I didn't offend you too much. Just trying to provide some input! :)
| bubublacz chapter 1 . 1/11/2014
Reading this again :)
| Darkangel28541 chapter 4 . 1/3/2014
that sounds like my daddy
| bubublacz chapter 28 . 11/30/2013
Ooohhh! This sequel sounds promising! hahaha :D I really love your story so much that I stuck around until the last chapter. Though there may have been rough writings, (yeah I get this was not your revised one) but I pretty much didn't care because I was really getting caught up in the action. Though, it was weird that Marilein had a 360 turn in her personality and that was even before she was bitten. But of course, I love the yummy smut parts :D yum yum yum! Makes me want to find my own Ashland. :D Had a great time reading this. Thank you for that wonderful experience :D
| bubublacz chapter 24 . 11/30/2013
Oh lol! hahahaha you really got me hooked you now :D
| bubublacz chapter 20 . 11/30/2013
Talk about intense :D
| bubublacz chapter 19 . 11/30/2013
Oh I loved this one! hahaha playful marilein :D I chuckled at her annoyance with the floor :D
| bubublacz chapter 16 . 11/30/2013
Oh lol! I love the last conversation hahaha :D
| bubublacz chapter 7 . 11/30/2013
hahaha ooh Marilein :D
| bubublacz chapter 4 . 11/30/2013
Will review :D Haha I love this :D I'm really starting to like Marilein :)
| TheOdaFan chapter 15 . 11/20/2013
I'm really impressed with your German. Seriously, this is the best I ever found on FanFiction or FictionPress and you don't seem to mind it if you're corrected. Usualy, if I try to sugest somebody a better wording they go all like "I don't care about it!" so I really hope you don't mind this.
"Dummheit" is kind of right but no one would say it like that. First of all it does't have the right connotation. A "Dummheit" is like a little step out of line, something like getting a tattoo in college just for the heck of it or a teenager driving on a dirt road without a license. Apart from that in German there's a huge difference between literary language and what you would actually say. There's even that joke about us writing "Wie bitte" (What/Come again?) but saying "Hä?" (I'm not sure but I think you can compare it to "Eh?"). Of course there are also vast differences between various dialects and social stratum. I'm from some town near Stuttgart so I'm Swabian (Don't listen to what those others say, we have the best food!) and people here would say "Stuss". It's like saying bullshit without actually using shit. If you would ask a Bavarian (foreiners I tell you) they would use "Schmarrn" which is actually also something to eat over there now that I think about it. Like I said, foreiners (coughhickscough). If you didn't notice the Swabic and Bavarian do not like eachother like at all.
Well, what I wanted to say is, it depends on where you want Ashland to come from. Of course you could also use the universal term "Scheiß" which really is shit.
I also wondered about the names. Did you intend to use German ones? Because Ashland is no German name. As for his father in chapter 12 you called him Aardwolf but in chapter 6 it was Adalwulf. If you wanted to use a German name for him, stick to the one from 6. Better would be "Adelwolf" but that sound really old like 14th century old. Wolfgang would be a relativly modern German name with wolf in it.
I sincerely hope you don't think of this as insulting. If it does sound that way then I'm really sorry but like you said we're direct people though you should be carefull with those stereotypes (at least you didn't make them all beer and "Weißwürste").
Keep up the good work -
| R. Ficst chapter 22 . 11/14/2013
ugh. This is even an interesting turn in the plot, but it seems like I just can't go along with it anymore. We're reaching a climax, but I just don't care as much as I should because I can't invest in a character where the complex moral issues have been brought up but then left behind without satisfactory resolution. Sorry.
Aside from that main issue, I do enjoy your writing and your characters. Thank you for posting, and good luck with any other writing projects.
| R. Ficst chapter 15 . 11/14/2013
I really need a moment where Ashland realizes what he has done wrong, how it's fine for certain things to be natural to an extent, but there comes a time when you hit the lines that should be drawn by a sound moral compass. If the rest of the story just sweeps along without it from here, it will kill my appreciation completely.
| R. Ficst chapter 10 . 11/14/2013
Haha, I had pegged Phoebe&Kennie and Georgia&Pete. Oh well, let's see how this way turns out ;)
| R. Ficst chapter 6 . 11/14/2013
Ha, what do I think of the mom?
I was royally pissed at first, thinking her perspective so screwed. But when we find out she didn't know the real situation, and her first reaction to it, I have hope for her yet!