I LOVE the mom. And good going Pete! Way to stick up for your friend. Btw, I am LOVING this story. Awesome!

so I really liked your story! I really enjoyed it.. However, I noticed that you would type think, instead of thing. Your grammar could probably be a little edited, but I mean no piece of writing is ever perfect.

I loved your story. Ash was such a good character. Marli was a bit annoying at times, she was so stubborn, constantly fighting things she could do nothing about, her ability to choose her battles was terrible. I found thinking that she was slightly naive at times and some of the things she would do wouldn't be that of a 24 year old. However, I think that's what made her character so lovable. Ash really did mellow her out.

Good story!

I'm really disappointed with your story. Ashland completely raped Mari again and Mari suddenly gets over her trauma. Ashland disregarded the rules she set forth.

This story could have been good, but I'm not going to finish it. It would have been much better if you never included the rape aspect.

Awww I loved reading this story :)

I'm really enjoying this :D

I just found this site and your yesterday.
This was a good story and you are a good writer.
The characters and plot twists were believable.
Good luck with your future writings.

BEAUTIFUL!

Mari is always the one who has to look for him/ make plans with him. It doesn't feel like he is very keen on her beyond wanting to sleep with her.

Omg... I can't stand both of the lead characters now. Rape is rape, there is no way to justify that.

I like it! but didn't she get framed? because 30 days that's one month
Nethermind I keep reading!

Awwwww :(

i just loved it.. really awesome. some parts were funny as hell. just awesome! you're a great writer. keep writing :-)

Will you write oneshots about Marilein and Ashland with their children? I really want to read about the fatherly side of Ashland. :D

The first German sentence should be: Ich erwartet besser für dich. Meaning: I expected/hoped for something better for you. To get the meaning: I expected better of you, I think you should say: Ich erwartet besser von dir. But my German isnt perfect either, so youd better get a German to give you the correct phrase. In German the word you is different, with a slightly different meaning after different prepositions.

Another problem is that you keep mistaking the words then and than in English.

The word "then" is mostly/solely used in connection with time: First he did this, THEN he did that. Because this has happened, you wont need this, then.

The word "than" is used for comparisons: This is better THAN that.

These are the main grammar mistakes. I know many has a problem remembering this, but if you know what to use the words for, then it might be easier.

Your story is captivating, though.

I thought Ashland's brother was Gregory. I didn't remember about Fredrick until now.