|Reviews for Emmeline|
| sealednectar chapter 1 . 2/24/2010
Just reviewed to say that I've really enjoyed this chapter and I hope you update soon!
Keep up the great work.
'...manners has Emmeline Hadley' -as
| the lovely rebel chapter 1 . 2/24/2010
I like how you started off with rumors and gossip... it really helps set the tone and setting of the story.
This sounds like it could be really interesting! It's definitely piqued my fascination, and I absolutely can't wait to see what you'll come up with for the rest of the story. :)
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 1 . 2/22/2010
Herro there from The Roadhouse. :) Okay, basically this could be an interesting read once the plot have been fleshed out. So far this starting chapter is pretty captivating in terms of the pacing. But due to the character freak in me, I feel that you could have take the chance in this chapter to let the reader have a certain insight of your characters. Not in the superficial sense that you've done, but rather a more in depth look. A certain exploration that at least hints at what will define the said character. Apart from that, nothing to complain here.
On an interesting side note, I feel that you can actually try and input certain aspects of politics in this story since court affairs did have a certain weight in the settings. As for what nature will the potential politics be, it's up to you albeit I suspect it might go into the path of romance. And interesting plan on the cards here as well. Hopefully you will take time to flesh out the potential relationship between Alexander and Emmeline because although the idea of the romance in this manner has been tried and done before, it's not that much of a cliche unless you want it to. Under which the circumstances, yeah that's one thing I won't want to see. :S
P.S: Pay back this review via The Eternal Grail. :)
Add P.S: Just saw your post in the Roadhouse forums saying that you will do two reviews in return for this one. So yeah, just curious to know if that offer is still standing.
- From The Roadhouse. :)
| sophiesix chapter 1 . 2/20/2010
Hi from the review marathon! (link in my profile)
Lovely period writing, conveying very nicely the tone and attitudes of the upper class: “The Miss Hadley has taken ill!” loved that, the objectification of the Miss Hadley.
“And it was most certain that Emmeline Hadley had all of these traits to balance the necessary evils of her imperfections” loved that line, it was filled with such dramatic tension!
“he counted the hours carefully and did not waste one moment with her.” This could be taken two ways; that he didn’t waste any of his precious time with her (granted, unlikely, ut that was my first impression and it disrupted the flow of the story, obviously), or that, of the time he had with her, he didn’t waste any of it being elsewhere.
“the man was standing by the lively hearth, his hands fastened behind his back and his posture furling in on itself like some dying autumn flower.” Lovely imagery, its very evocative.
““By withdrawing his right to inheritance if he should endeavor to refuse me.” How shocking! Now we see where Alexander got his evil ways from ;) ! Great ending.
I like Emmeline already, and am plugging for her to move to a warmer clime and make a miraculous recovery.
There wsa a little backstory to cover to set the scene, but I think you did that well. Am looking forward to the story proceeding into the ‘show’ parts now: I want to meet our main characters!
But I really can’t find much to criticise here :). The writing is by its nature rather dense and flowery, so it took me a little time to adjust, but that’s my problem not yours! Great stuff.
| Madame Y chapter 1 . 2/19/2010
-From the Review Game-
Writing style: It has a nice, ligical storytelling feel to it which conveys the era very well. The vocabulary is very fitting but not too florid, which I like.
However, I thought some of the sentences a bit long; they can be separated with commas/semicolons, or broken apart. Not only does this add a more personal, narrator-like touch, but it's also easier to read.
eg. "He attended the assemblies and gatherings of great importance with a happy disposition which was open to all who attended him, and yet he conveyed such subdued manners that even those who spoke ill of his character could not deny him their temporary favor."
"He attended the assemblies and gatherings of great importance with a happy disposition, which was open to all who attended him; and yet, he conveyed such subdued manners that even those who spoke ill of his character could not deny him their temporary favor.”
Otherwise, very few grammatical errors.
Excellent setting! I think you must have done a lot of research because I was immediately transported into the place and time. “For it was widely acknowledged that a young woman’s most enviable traits were her beauty, a sweet, restrained disposition and a good name to recommend herself to men of similar rank in the social hierarchy.” – very Regency-era mindset.
So far you’re describing Emmeline through a very studious, analytical perspective, so I can’t delve much into her character. She seems like a very interesting person though, I’d like to get into her mind more.
So far this chapter reads like a summary, like a “telling”, but I think it would be nice if there was more “showing”. Show what happened with Emma, perhaps go deeper into her illness (or the reactions of the people around her) by expanding dialogue and going more deeply into, say, the father’s emotions – especially in the first half of the chapter. It could be expanded into a separate chapter on its own. This will make it easier to connect with the characters instead of simply viewing a summary of them.
Ha, a romance borne out of two fathers’ schemes? Interesting, I’d like to see how Emmeline and Alexander accept it!
Overall, this was a good read. I LOVE the Regency Era (beautiful fashion and music!) so this was an especially nice treat for me. I especially like your tone and you really transport me into the time period. (I think you can even do more descriptions of their clothing and settings!) Keep up the great work.
| Yale Louder chapter 1 . 2/19/2010
ok this is a very well written story and i like the fact that you stay true to the period. i found no grammatical or spelling errors, thats not to say that their are none but just to say that i did not find them. that being said this is a very elegant and endearing story, and i like the way you handled it. however the problem with the period you are writing in is that it is very hard to write in this style and to keep the reader excited with what is happening. the details are what matter in this particular time in...time. (lol sorry couldnt resist.) the writing is very pretty and all of that but to be honest its very dry and in some points boreing. if you could find a way to make the story flow a little betther without the dry spots in all of your colorful world, i dare say that this may be a perfectly written story. Bravo! i look forward to the rest of it.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 2/19/2010
A really good starting chapter that sets the story up quite well - you've given enough here to make me really eager to read more. The only thing I did notice was the line
'His young daughter suffered the consumption and it was merely a matter of time before she was taken from him as well.'
It leads to a bit of confusion, and made me think that she had died already. Other than that, like I said, a good start and I think the language clearly reflects the period.
| Skinny.Pig chapter 1 . 2/18/2010
Great starting chapter, you did really well in giving a feel for the time setting with your choice of words and phrases. I'll be watching for the next chapter. : )
| fudgyvmp chapter 1 . 2/18/2010
Wow, lots of romantic/Victorian writing styles popping up now. Love that, there's such finesse to it. It shies away from EE Cummings bare minimum and puts English back up as an art form without butchering grammar.
i just love the tone it puts up like you're weaving or painting a tale not just telling or even showing it.
Wow... TB that's the way all the important and loved ones went I suppose, so tragic, I think I can list at least seven of my favorite people from history as TB victims.
Looks like there’s one or two grammar issues. But you'll probably edit this one day and figure them out.
I got a bit bored halfway through reading this, to start it was the pretty prose keeping my attention, but that only works on me so long, got kind of gossipy and distracted me
then when you started to get more into the plot at the end my interest quickly rose, this is a new spin on arranged marriages for me. I like it and can't wait to see the actual personalities of Emmeline and Alexander. Back to the loosing my interest, you should know that’s more because this is a computer I’m reading on, If it were on actual paper with binding I’ll bet I wouldn’t have lost so much interest, I mean this isn’t really that long only 4-5 pages probably. It’s a good start can’t wait for the rest of the plot
| ephemeral dance chapter 1 . 2/18/2010
Saw your post at the Roadhouse and decided to toss a review your way.
And honestly, I don't even know what to say. Your style is so elegant, it's just of another time completely. And so consistent as well. Effortles. The dialogue is absolutely splendid; you've done a perfect job at capturing the mood and this was a wonderful first chapter.
I absolutely cannot wait to meet Alexander. He sounds like the perfect devil.
Amazing job, really! I loved every bit of it.
| Kobra Kid chapter 1 . 2/18/2010
oh wow, that was excellent! :D you got everything done perfectly; the dialogue, background & character development! You even have the words used by that time zone, which just makes this even greater! seriously, awesome job! keep it up :}
P.S. Please return via Ace Of Spades! Thanks so much. :).