|Reviews for Masquerade|
| Fakety Mcfakename chapter 48 . 1/28/2012
sorry i haven't reviewed in a while.
so, still love this story. the characters are so crisp that i can remember them all. still think that the reality is a bit askew, and i'm not talking about the fantasy, i mean the cause and affect thing is hard to deal with, things happen so disjointedly, and the characters keep changing. however, the suspense is good. i've completly forgotten the plot, which is my fault, appart from her being forced to work at a night school, her being attacked, and some plot to overturn the vampire order. and she was planning to go to this ball. are we at that part yet? sorry, never mind. also, you keep mentioning the journalist, so i asume he's important, but he never does anything. so, i love your characters, but i would recomend figuring out where you want this to go, and start narrowing in on the plot.
also, how did nanowrimo go for you? i failed i'm afraid, only got to 17000 words...
| Fakety Mcfakename chapter 45 . 6/6/2011
whoa, in this chapter, we switch from epic events of vampire drama, to soap opera "rosa isn't speaking to me!" to horror flic "don't go out there Kenneth!" great diversity! also, i see Pandora is growing as a character. that's awesome, dynamic characters rock. Prediction time: Arther(headmaster) Camelot Arther is major player in Camelot, reason Rosa doesn't want Arhter knowing of Dracula crisis is becuase Camelot would not be happy with vampire council, and we all most work togethor to hold agaisnt this rising tide of menance. Love this story, thanks for letting Pandora grow, now i can connect to her. Tell her no good relationship was made between two people with out plenty of awkard silences.
| Fakety Mcfakename chapter 44 . 6/6/2011
dude, it's becuase she gave you a dress, and you burn her instead of thanking her!
sorry, that's just what was running through my mind. also, council and Camelot are both collective nouns, so you would use doesn't instead of don't. "the magical council doesn't trust camelot, and camelot does't trust them". well, unless the grammer rules are different in england. sorry, nitpicking. thanks for changing the settign, i was getting claustrophobic in her apartment.
| adkakfdaskjkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk chapter 40 . 2/19/2011
hmm. the character dynamics thicken. great, just what thsi story needs.
| aldskfffffffffffffffffffffffff chapter 39 . 2/19/2011
hmm. like i said, you need to make pandora rounder. disdain, fury, and indignation are her constant companonies. which is fine, but she won't be a real character unless she entertaisn the others occasionaly, she'll only be partial. this story has great action.
| Fakety Mcfakename chapter 38 . 2/5/2011
half a novel? and of this caliber? now that requires work ethic. see, you do have work ethic! now, to finnish it, you should start finding a way to tie all thsi stuff togethor. good job.
| Fakety Mcfakename chapter 37 . 1/30/2011
yay for structing the plot! now the story has more structure. the problem is, i don't remeber whats happening. maybe i should just read the entire thing through when it's done. how did morgan get injured again? pretty good job.
| Fakety Mcfakename chapter 32 . 12/18/2010
yah, see, where would she like to be? she's never happy! admittedly, she doesn't have much to be happy over, but she can't decide what to do! she's worse than bella. she's desperate to talk to rosa, then ignores her. she doens't seem to like people, but she still likes to be in the loop. she likes peace and quite, yet loves to start fight. odviously, she's going through a midlife chrisis. her prioirites are very out of wack, and it's kinda confusing.
| Fakety Mcfakename chapter 30 . 12/18/2010
WELL, I'M LAZY, VERY LAZY. tOO LAZY TO UNDO THE CAPS LOCK. ANYWAY, I LIKE CAPS. AND, I'M TO LAZY TO REVIEW THE OTHER STORIES AT THE MOMENT, THOUGH THEY ALL BE AWESOME. THIS IS A FINE NARRATIVE, THE PLOT HAS INTRICATE, VARYING CHARACTERS, SEVERAL INTERACTING SIDE-PLOTS, AND SOME ILLUMANATING DESCRIPTION. IF I HAD TO DRAG ON IT, I'D SAY IT'S A LITTLE HARD TO FOLLOW. I KNOW THE MAIN CHARACTER HAS ADD, BUT IT'S REALLY GETTING HARD TO KEEP YOUR MIND ON THE NARRATIVE, IT JUST KINDA DRAGS ON YOU. MAYBE SLOWING TEH TEMPO WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA, NOT THE TEMPO OF TEH PLOT, BUT THE TEMPO OF HOW YOU TELL IT. LIKE, MORE PARAGRAPHS, AND VARY THE SENTENCE LENGHT, THAT ALWAYS HELPS. HAVE SOME REALLY LONG ONES, AND SOME REALLY SHORT ONES. PANDORA IS ONE OF THOSE RARE CHARACTERS THAT YOU REALLY WISH YOU COULD KNOW IN REAL LIFE. SHE'S SO VIBRANT, REAL, AND ENERGETIC, YOU JUST WISH YOU COULD KNOW HER. ADMITTEDLY, KNOWING HER WOULD HAVE IT'S HAZARDS, LIKE THE CONSTANT THREAT OF DEATH. LETS JUST SAY, IF SHE WAS EDWARD, BELLA WOULDN'T HAVE LASTED FIVE MINUTES. YES, I HAVE READ TWILIGHT. SHE'S GREGGARIOUS, VERY ASSERTIVE, AND A BOLD HERIONE THAT WE ROOT ON, BECUASE WE UNDERSTAND HER MOTIVES AND FEEL FOR HER. THE EMPATHATIC CONNECTION WITH YOUR PROTAGANIST AND THE READER IS VERY POWERFUL. ONE THING THAT IS BEGINNING TO GET OLD THOUGH, IS THAT SHE'S ALWAYS SUSPICIOUS, ANGRY, PARANIOD, CONTEMPTOUS, AND THOSE BEANS. I KNOW THATS JUST HER, BUT REAL CHARACTERS HAVE A MIXTURE OF ALL CHARACTERISTICS. TO MAKE HER MORE REAL, IT WOULD HELP TO HAVE HER EXPERIENCE SOME MOMENTS OF TENDERNOUS, CARING OF OTHERS, AND VULNERABILIY. ALSO, YOUR SPELLING COULD USE WORK, BUT IT'S NOT SO BAD THAT YOU GET CONFUSED, PRETTY GOOD GRAMMER. THE DIALOGUE IS GREAT. ADDITIONALLY, IT MIGHT HELP TO ADD A "CONSTANT". A CONTANT IS A CHARACTER WHO IS ENTIRELY NORMAL, AVERAGE, AND PRETTY RUN-O-THE MILL. THISE SOMEONE IS A LOADSTONE THE READER FALLS BACK ON WHEN THEY GET OVERWHELMED, THINGS MAKE NO SENSE, BUT AT LEAST THE CONSTANT SHARES IN THERE CONFUSION. IT'S FUN THE MAKE THE CONSTANT A PETTY CRIMINAL, BECUASE THESE ARE GENERALLY PRETTY DISSIOSIONED, AND ARE FUN TO HAVE. ROSA IS MAKING A GOOD CONTANT, BUT SHE'S STILL KINDA OUT THERE. I LOVE THIS STORY, AND WISH IT WOULDN'T END, BUT I'M ALMOST AT THE END OF WHAT YOU'VE WRITTEN. THIS IS A SUMMATIVE REVIEW FOR WHAT I HAVE READ SO FAR. THIS WOULD MAKE A GREAT VAMPIRE NOVEL, IF YOU COULD FIX THE TEMPO. THE TEMPO JUST MAKES THE WORDS RUN TO FAST. BUT, I HAVE ADD TOO, SO THAT MIGHT MESS UP MY PERCEPTION OF IT. KINDA HARD FOR ME TO CONCENTRA-IS THAT A SQUIRREL? NO, NO, SORRY, ANYWA-IT'S GOT A NUT NOW! YOU GET THE POINT.
ALSO, THIS IS KINDA OFF TOPIC, BUT THIS AMERICAN IS CURIOUS:
IS THE ARSE THE BRITISH EQUIVALENT OF ASS?
| Fakety Mcfakename chapter 6 . 12/17/2010
sigh. why, why must there be twilight? theres more to vampires thatn twilight!
| Fakety Mcfakename chapter 2 . 12/7/2010
hard to follow, but in a good way!
| JordieJ chapter 31 . 11/28/2010
Love the story, please write more soon!
| Ninjo Of The Night chapter 28 . 11/4/2010
yes cool fight scene, i had my own ideas but it wudn't have fit so ah well. WRITE MORE
| Ninjo Of The Night chapter 27 . 11/4/2010
rosa is AWESOME!
| Ninjo Of The Night chapter 26 . 11/4/2010
wo! finally some killing