|Reviews for Masquerade|
| witchcat chapter 1 . 7/19/2010
Lol! The power of christ compels you! I know a guy who will take a pixie stick, cut the top off of it, and make a cross with it while shouting "The power of christ compels you!" Ah, that brings back memories...
| Account.Deleted239103 chapter 3 . 7/1/2010
Ello, I'm back again.
I read on from chapter 2 to 3 because the former didn't really hit as a fully-concieved chapter, more like a nonsequitor or annectdote that could have been integrated into the first chapter quite easily. In the second chapter there was a lot of talking to the audience and maybe in a diary type of framing device it works better but in a story it's kind of like breaking the fourth wall, it takes away from the story just a tad.
As for the third chapter, the use of a cheery foil is nice to further illustrate the character traits of Pandora, but a couple of instances with the fourth-wall kind of break up the flow between their exchange. But I suppose it's all in how you choose it. In certain contextual instances it's actually a good use of it, primarily "knighschool" to denote the general image of a chivalrous, albeit eccentric knight as part of staff. The only real qualm I have with the chapter is that it just ends in mid exposition, conveying something that happened in pAndora's past but not necessarily selling anything to come in "present day". Don't get me wrong, I like your characterization and you have great concepts, but the execution needs just a bit of tweaking in order for these characters to really flourish.
| puzzling-over-nothing chapter 13 . 7/1/2010
I think you should proofread to make sure you don't have grammar mistakes and spelling mistakes. Because this has a lot in.
But I read it. Like you asked me to.
| puzzling-over-nothing chapter 2 . 7/1/2010
You keep missing out words and spelling things wrong...
And missing spaces. And bad grammar.
You might want to fix that.
| Ninjo Of The Night chapter 13 . 7/1/2010
lol loz, u r soo desperate. i'm sure u wanted to pat that guy's other cheek if u get wat i mean. UPDATE NOW
| Account.Deleted239103 chapter 1 . 6/30/2010
Taking the bolded note into consideration as this intially being a regurgitation of an idea in your head, I have to say that Pandora is a great concept for a character given a proper backdrop to mesh into.
Sometimes "vampire" is a buzz word some auhors use to denote a vast amount of character depth without actually depicting any whatsoever but not in this case. Pandora strikes me as a guy who is something of a bitter elder from the baby-boom era stuck in the 'good ol days' and not so high on the contemporary world. Part wise elder and part raving lunatic :D.
However, I feel that rather than speaking directly to the audience that Pandora would be better suited going on this diatribe with a foil of some sort (a co-worker or student of the night school perhaps). Plus, the idea of him being this stung out blood-addict trying desperating to cling onto the side of the wagon makes me smile for some sadistic reason.
| eiyuang999 chapter 1 . 5/25/2010
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| Ninjo Of The Night chapter 11 . 5/6/2010
WTF loz, wats she gonna do wiv the horse
| Ninjo Of The Night chapter 9 . 4/22/2010
I LUV THIS hurry and write another chapter loz b4 I set the crazy woman and the mutt on u
| TymCon chapter 7 . 3/25/2010
Lol i always wondered what would happen if a vampire became a teacherXD
| Hitsu-Chan chapter 1 . 3/20/2010
This is very funny! I love how the narrator sidetracks alot. This shows that she is an unfocus person, which can make this story very humorous! But I notice that you have some spelling errors. "beleive." It should be spelled "believe." "Lettine." Should be "Letting." "spralling." Should be "sprawling." "panick." Should be "panic." "remebered." Should be "remembered." "appologise." Should be "apologize." "squeeked." Should be "squeaked." "sinse." should be "since." "absoutly." Should be "absoutely." But other than the spelling errors, great story! I'm looking forward to reading more of this!
| Sword And Sorcery chapter 6 . 3/12/2010
Great story! Shock collars, mutts, werewolves, vampires, and eating teachers: What's not to love? :-)
| Ninjo Of The Night chapter 5 . 3/11/2010
lol! house on legs, and let me guess its a werewolf
| TymCon chapter 5 . 3/9/2010
lol i love thisXD
| TymCon chapter 1 . 3/9/2010
Lol i like it. The sidetrack narrator works here. Although i'd be weary, that could get bad in later chapters