Reviews for Christmas Lights
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 6/20/2010
Review Marathon (link in my profile)

"Matt's car parked neatly on the curb"... the phrasing here confused me. Why would a car be parked on a curb?

I like how you use the names. It gives it a specificity that makes it much more personal and saddening. The piece itself is beautiful. The descriptions are really specific and well done. It allowed me to visualize the scene. I also like how you went from the scene which makes the reader curious to the reason, which definitely invoked emotion for me. Great job.
Brenda Agaro chapter 1 . 3/5/2010
I like how a poem like this tells a whole story without revealing too much. The description of the house and Christmas light - a lot of emotion shown through words.
MallowsWins chapter 1 . 2/22/2010
The opening line really makes this poem seem more like a frozen scene, or a photograph rather than a story. It's deeply haunting, and the last line ('when you've lost a child') was incredibly intense. Amazing, touching work.
tonight we bloom chapter 1 . 2/19/2010
"spooling" just about did it for me
Isca chapter 1 . 2/19/2010
"The house is devoid of life." This is a very striking image; it reminded me of an old house where the furniture has been covered and light hasn't entered in eons.

I liked your word choices: "trestles" and "spooling", in particular.

"It's a different season entirely, I say to myself." I liked this line the best; it's angsty & the speaker seems to suddenly realize that grief can wash over you during any season.

Keep writing. :)
in theory chapter 1 . 2/19/2010
I was fixated on the word 'spooled' in this. Just such a rare word, but it's one of those with a special esoteric feel, for no real reason I can define. I like how it almost tricks the eye into being 'spilling on/the carpet of a room...' it made me smile.

I found the last two lines a bit confused. Do you 'say' the previous lines, thinking of Jessica? Or is it the next lines you say to yourself? It's not explicit and left me pondering, but not necessarily in the good way? Maybe quotation marks might help.

Beautifully written though, the length is just enough to impart the emotion on the reader without depressing them. Hope all is well, and belated Happy Chinese New Year :)

OspreyEagle chapter 1 . 2/18/2010
Wow, love the symbolism... :)