Hey! This is a great start! :)

For chapters though, it's a bit short, but I love where you're going with this :)

You have a good voice - maximize its potential! :D Good job though :) I'm glad we traded links :D

Hello there,

You've got an interesting concept with this story. I'm intrigued to know why getting the mark is so bad and why the people don't want their children to have it. In my mind it seems like it would be an honor?

You're pretty good at writing, but I would suggest looking through and just giving it a once over after you finished for flow. There were a few spots that were a bit choppy to read.

Also, I really think that you could combine your 2nd and 3rd chapter together to give it a bit more length. A paragraph isn't a chapter, sadly. Splitting up your story this much gives me no incentive to read it. It's like you're going to give me a teaser and then I'm left with nothing until the next teaser. It's not a huge problem, and it doesn't really affect your writing per se, but it does make reading it not as enjoyable.

All in all, I think you've got a great start to an interesting story. I look forward to seeing how it will turn out. Keep writing. :)

-Bond

Nice little chapter that explains a little bit on Kira's past which helps me understand what she is like, a little bit. Please write more soon!

Great descriptions of your characters, I can imagine what they look like in my head and that is a very good think. Great chapter! _

Wow, this has a very mysterious and intruiging beginning. The way that you worded this made it enticing and makes me want to read more. Really great job. :)

Very interesting... I'm looking foreward to more soon!