Reviews for Minor Talent
Aspiemor chapter 12 . 8/19/2010
Well finally the emotions are coming full face. So far your chapter was top notch and well just about everything was great overall. Although to be honest I think you could be a bit more descriptive in some places, pretty dialogue heavy stuff you have here. But I suppose that could just be the differing style. I was a little shocked by the orange slices, but I like oranges, in fact if I ever did drink (which I won't) I would probably choose and orange as my side fruit. Then again I just love oranges overall. So I wonder how this story will advance from hear on out. Good job!
Aspiemor chapter 11 . 8/18/2010
Ironic they recognized a journalist and not the musician. Kind of backwards if you ask me. Still this hcapter was good. Your dialouge was great per usual well there was one line that felt kind of off to me. It was the "My son" comment. Sorry to me it just seems off to say that. I can sort of see the two bonding. Well at least it seems that way to me, I don't know if that was your intent.

The guy, shower conversation really spoke to me. You should see my shower at home lol! Well guys will be guys and I think you pulled us off pretty well, well some of us I think. Overall keep this up and I hope my reviews are to your liking.
Kackex chapter 5 . 8/17/2010
- Cool Cool Chapter Home girl, as I would say nonethelsess. A little bit of polishing and I'd give you double high fiveys!

- I like Frank because he is more serious and considerate than Dai is. Dai is more put off as a narrsisistic ass who can take on the world, and frankly I hate people like that.

- Though it was enjoyable it took me a while to warm up to the story again because of the lack of intrigue but once the action started kicking I got right back into the fray.

- Keep Writing, Would you kindly,

Narq chapter 19 . 8/16/2010
Her mind suddenly flashed up images of her and Dai, arms wrapped around each other and kissing like there was no tomorrow.

- I want more emotional reaction. Is she embarrassed that it's come up?

"Break a leg up there guys."

- should be "Break a leg up there(,) guys."

She laid a hand on Darren's arm, leading him off down the other end of the bar. Hazel let out a sigh, knowing she'd narrowly escaped something that could have been disastrous.

- the sentence structure gets a bit repetitive. It could be improved by changing the first sentence into: She laid a hand on Darren's arm and led him off down the other end of the bar.

"I've just been around a little bit longer, is all," Hazel glanced towards the bar.

- a couple of errors in this: "I've just been around a little bit longer, (that) is all." Hazel glanced towards the bar. - and Also, I want some emotion here.

She took a deep breath, her chest tightening and her palms starting to sweat and fear suddenly filling her as she wondered how this conversation was going to end.

- which conversation was going to end? Hadn't Darren just left? was that hte conversation? It ended okay, or are you talking about the one with Dai and Hazel which is just going to start? You may want to clairify a bit!

AlphaBeatKayGee chapter 19 . 8/15/2010
Okay... You keep avoiding the topic each chapter! Ah! Next chapter for sure? I dotn think he'd be mad though I mean.. It was an accident ... Update soonn
Kackex chapter 4 . 8/15/2010
- I'm sorry it has taken me FOREVER to get back to you on your lovely reviews but I have been at the hospital and well have only recently have gained access to said laptop I am using as we speak. As I promised I will return my reviews to your awesomeo story.

- I love how Hazel is so quick to judge the group of singers or said band she's interviewing into sterotypical roles. It shows a great deal of realism in Hazel and in the story by adding a said immersion into the character.

- It's funny how much hatred Hazel has for Daimen, all the while Chrisse has outward affection towards him. A nice ironic contrast that plays very well right there without being too dramatic or cinimatic.

- Overall this chapter introduces Daimen who is such an ass, and Frankie who is a seemingly smart influence. Your writing is smoother and lighter here than in the other chapters and as always you keep the plot refreshing and moving even if cliched'

Keep Writing, Would you kindly,

Aspiemor chapter 10 . 8/12/2010
Another real casual chapter. I could sense a lot of real emotion between these two. Sorry to sound repetitive but it is your way of writing dialogue that appeals to me. Really you have a great talent for it. I am very impressed.

I am a little confused at the end bit, well seeing that I am naive and kind of overlook things it may be obvious to everyone but me.

I got nothing more to say but I hope this review was to your liking.
Aspiemor chapter 9 . 8/12/2010
Super sorry for nto reviewing in so long! I've even forgotten how many reviews I owe you. Wel lthis hcapter was rather casual in my opinion. But that is okay as casualness is great for a break inbetween. Again I found the dialouge very beleivable and I could so picture the guys, especially at the Playstation bit. Still I wil lahve to read more as I still enjoy this story. A little different to what my usual taste is.

Maye you could add a bit more description. I honestly hope that isn't nagging but normally I am a description whore to be honest. I suppose that is the only form of criticism I can offer.
lookingwest chapter 18 . 8/10/2010
Frankly Aurora pisses me off, XD. Especially if Dai is going to give her attention. It better not be serious at all-because Hazel's wasn't. I swear to god, if he cheats on her, even if they're not actually dating, and it wasn't agreed by the two party's, than he is indeed, a scum bag, and she should not date him. Which is an absolute shame because I love Dai. But ugh. I know, I know, all should be fair on both sides, but Aurora better step back and realize Hazel has feelings for Dai. I just hate to see her hurt since she's such a fun protagonist. Anyway, good moments in this chapter, I liked the bits with Darren, he had a fun dialogue discourse of talking, I liked the bit when he called her "Hazelnut", how cute, haha.

I also liked the moment where Hazel couldn't keep her eyes of the CD, I really hope that Dai isn't too upset-better than him finding it later laying in her apartment without her ever telling him! Honesty is best in this situation so hopefully it pulls through for her in the end. The way that you set up that obsession scene with the CD was nice though because I could really visually see it and her attention wandering back to it in the kitchen.

The setting was cool, a secret gig? Why, I've never heard of those-wonder why, XD. Cool concept, and I like when Hazel remarks that they never stay secret for long, haha. Also, good conversation with Katie, that was kind of her-she's always so kind, to let Hazel have a bit of a break for once, especially if she's so wound up about showing this CD to Dai and how it could effect their relationship. Looking forward to more!
ranDUMM chapter 18 . 8/6/2010

This was a really awesome chapter! It's again different from the previous ones; it has a different sort of tone to it, which I like, because it varies things a little.

Brilliant characterisation as well! I loved how nervous, and then terrified Hazel was of giving Dai the CD, and of Aurora meeting him. Brilliant emotions to read, which makes for a brilliant story! :D

A great chapter, as usual. Keep up the awesome work!

Narq chapter 18 . 8/5/2010
I think there was enough dialogue in this chapter, but definately not enough description on the surroundings/setting and emotion alike. Well, there was a bit of emotion, when she was 'scared/annoyed' she might be going crazy.

To your A/N: I think Aurora could be done into a complete bitch AND be really nice and lovely! You know those people who seem to be so perfect but you just can't bring youselves to like them!

lianoid chapter 18 . 8/5/2010
Lifting her head up, she decided instead to make a cup of tea.

-Personal: “instead” reads oddly here. Instead of what? I don’t think that’s clear.

Have fun tonight Hazel.

-Edit: Comma before “Hazel”.

"Thanks Katie."

-Edit: Comma before “Katie”.

He gave her a curt nod as she approached him, offering her a cigarette from the packet he had pulled from his pocket.

-Personal: The “curt nod” threw me off here. After this line, Darren and Hazel interact pretty friendly. It just gave me the wrong impression of him before I fully realized who he was. Perhaps, consider changing the “curt” to something less... not so pleasant. Ha-ha.

"Shut up Darren. When did you get back, anyway?"

-Edit: Comma before “Darren”.

"Hazel, you'd love it. Never stayed in the same place for more than two nights. Felt like I was constantly smoking, drinking or both. Met some great people, too."

-Personal: I think you should say “When I freelanced, I never stayed...” or something to let us know Darren’s talking about his own experience now. It just didn’t read smoothly and I think you need to lead into that a little better.

"How are you Hazel?"

-Edit: Comma before “Hazel” because Aurora is addressing her. This rule applies to any name when someone is addressing them.

Regarding your AN, I would have preferred not to have any hints at future drama between Aurora, Dai and Hazel, actually. I didn’t think Darren was an ex, so you’re okay there. Can’t say much about Aurora, though. You only *just* introduced her. However, I wish you’d do a little less telling here. I’d prefer to see her being kind and witty, as opposed to you telling us she is.

Overall, good chapter. I look forward to this upcoming chapter because I think there will be some tension and drama. The first part of this chapter felt like a unnecessary recap, though. We already know she only dates musicians and prefers it that way. You provided information we already knew, and it really just felt like filler. Consider editing this to provide new information, or just cutting out the known information altogether.
MeAsIAm chapter 18 . 8/3/2010
Interesting chapter! :) I liked the banter between Darren and Hazel. This Aurora seemed a bit sudden though. I don't remember any mention of her in the previous chapters. Maybe you could go back and insert her in a passing reference in one of the office conversations?
deefective chapter 18 . 8/3/2010
Hmm, alright. So I'm just jumping into this story here but you do a good job of making everything easy to follow. I liked the fatc that your writing was very clear and to the point and it was easy to get into the feel of things. Hazel seems like an interesting character but I think you need to give her more "oomph". I can see something bubbling under there, her real personality, but it's not coming out all that great. I like the way you've written her, though. She seems nice but not too nice and not that cliched. As for the dialogue, I loved that the most. It felt natural and very realistic. I felt like I could see the conversation between her and Darren happen in real life. Very good job with that. There's a few grammatical errors here and there but I won't point them out because they're not that big a deal. I noticed you had a tendency to interrupt yourself when you're writing. For example, you're always going "blah blah blah, she thought, blah blah" or "blah blah, she guessed, blah". Doing that once or twice in a story is fine but it seemed like you were doing that a lot and you don't need to. It disrupts the flow too much. But other than that, nicely done.
livingaliteraturelife chapter 18 . 8/3/2010
this was so good and i want it to be a very old school romantic meet again missed her so much reunitment (i spelled that wrong ) :)
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