|Reviews for Minor Talent|
| BlueMoonlily chapter 24 . 11/27/2010
no you are so evil! lol NOTHING FROMD DAI? that is he UP to? jez lol update any time soon?
| BlueMoonlily chapter 18 . 11/27/2010
im scared like hazel for the next chapter lol hopefully dai doesnt have the same reaction darren had...lol
| BlueMoonlily chapter 14 . 11/27/2010
i love that movie and that song so much...it made me happy when you wrote it into your story :) man...idk why but im sad too lol i hope everything works out
| BlueMoonlily chapter 13 . 11/27/2010
who's adam? lol *sighs* Hazel is being ridiculous her life is turning out like catrin predicted lol
| lookingwest chapter 24 . 11/27/2010
From the Review Game's Review Marathon (linked on my profile)
Aw, there were a lot of cool things going in this chapter! I love how we finally get to see some of Hazel's writing for Shadows because it kind of showcases the talent she's been rumored to have up to this point, and though the journalistic writing wasn't the best I've ever read, I thought her journalistic idea of getting the separate story of Debbie was fantastic! That whole thing about how you mixed the personal with the practical was very enlightening and I also liked the little parts where you hinted about the not having cigarettes and not drinking, I thought there was a good transition of scene too, and she continues to stay in character while meeting other minor characters throughout the story! I look forward to more!
| BlueMoonlily chapter 12 . 11/27/2010
hm so dai is starting to love her (because of the song and hints and stuff) and hazel wants stuff to happen hm lets see how this turns out lol
| BlueMoonlily chapter 10 . 11/27/2010
aww im starting to like dai more and more...yay andy got some action! good for him he deserves it :)
| BlueMoonlily chapter 9 . 11/27/2010
i think dai knows about andy and aw he's so excited about going home thats so cute lol
poor frank worrying about hazel and missing her:( i think theres more to him then you're letting us see!
| BlueMoonlily chapter 8 . 11/27/2010
:O oh! and the plot thickens! lol awesome. i love the twists in this story!
| BlueMoonlily chapter 7 . 11/27/2010
she's gonna go to manchester isnt she? *shakes head* ahh i didnt see that one coming lol
| BlueMoonlily chapter 6 . 11/27/2010
nah i've got no idea where the author's name is from lol great chapter
| BlueMoonlily chapter 5 . 11/27/2010
hmm i think dai is purposefully getting on her nerves so she keeps thinking about him...i think he's a bit of an ass but they'll probably end up in a fling together later on lol i like frank! he's interesting and i like that she hasnt categorized him yet...though i dont know how long that will last also i wonder what katie is up to hm...i really like this story so far though :) cant wait to keep reading
| lianoid chapter 24 . 11/27/2010
"Fair enough," Hazel nodded slowly, wondering if, somewhere, a journalist was asking Dai questions about his own love life.
-Edit: I would remove “Hazel nodded slowly” or re-word it because a few lines previous you say the same thing and I feel it stands out.
"Yeah, I think I know what you're referring to," she nodded, slowly. "Now it's out in the open..."
-Edit: Again with the slow nodding.
Hazel took a deep breath of fresh air, half closing her eyes as she did so. Darren appeared beside her, wiping sweat from his forehead as he took out a pack of cigarettes and lit one. He offered one to Hazel.
-I might put a hyphen on its own line before this, just to let the reader know the scene has changed. You make it somewhat clear right off that it has changed, but I find the transition isn’t as smooth as it could be and I think a hyphen or some small indication might help.
And don't give me any bull shit, I know that you know what they're like Hazel.
-Edit: Comma after “like”.
She needed this sort of thing, to keep her mind off of Dai.
-Personal: I would remove the comma from this sentence and perhaps even the second “of”.
Her make-up was perfect and clearly, photo-shop had aided in making her look so pretty.
-Edit: I don’t think the comma in this sentence is necessary.
It was no wonder that Debbie was quickly becoming the favourite poster girl for make-up and clothing companies.
-Edit: The “that” in this sentence isn’t necessary.
"I'll have a vodka tonic, please," Debbie glanced towards Hazel, as she reached into her purse. "Hazel, right?"
-Edit: The comma at the end of the dialogue should be a period.
"Yeah," Hazel nodded. She turned to the guy. "Just a glass of water, please."
-Edit: Same thing here.
Hazel nodded, very slowly. "It was. Is. But..." she paused, taking a sip of her water.
-Edit: She nods a lot in this chapter, doesn’t she? Ha-ha.
Debbie raised an eyebrow, partly looking impressed, partly looking sceptical. "It sounds personal, to you."
-Edit: I don’t think the comma within the dialogue is necessary although it may just be personal preference.
I really liked the dialogue and interactions you had in this chapter. They read smoothly and felt real. There was something very natural about them that made reading them very engaging.
Also, I really enjoyed finally getting a chance to read one of Hazel’s articles, or at least part of it. I really like the fact that you decided to include that. I think it was a really good idea and I wouldn’t mind reading more of her articles in the future.
Excellent chapter, as always. :)
Review courtesy of The Review Game’s Review Marathon. For more info, visit the link on my profile.
| BlueMoonlily chapter 3 . 11/27/2010
i thought the girl who married Will was named rebecca? im a little confused
hahaha its the guy from the wedding i just know it is! lol like the story so far :)
| lookingwest chapter 23 . 11/7/2010
I basically just sat back and read this chapter, and it was pretty good with spelling and grammar and style, I think Liana caught most of it, and nothing jarring stuck out, so it flowed really well. I'm glad that Hazel had a change to talk to Kate since she's been such a huge influence and mentor through the entire story, I was really wondering how she would take the news. I'm glad it was a positive reaction, but it's definitley I would think scary to be unexpectedly pregnant when you're a successful career woman. It's good that Shadows is basically headed and run by women though, and it's so refreshing that Kate understands and is also giving good wishes for the whole thing. I did find it a little surprising to learn that it was only almost five months ago and Hazel was still dating Adam-it feels like she's been with Dai longer than that! How long have they been together exactly? Just wondering, because that time frame put time line into perspective for me. Other than that, enjoyed this chapter, good dialogue, and took the necessary steps I expected. I look forward to seeing Hazel confront Dai for a second time-I really am curious to see what he'll say!