Reviews for The Lazarus Cure
Billatrix Lestrange chapter 1 . 2/26/2010
This is an interesting concept you've got going for you. This plot could go a long way and turn into an excellent story if done well, and I'm looking forward to reading more. However, there are some issues that you're gonna need to address before this story can reach it's potential.

First of all, your paragraphs are done really, really strangely. They should be a little bulkier than just a sentence or two. That's not to say they should all go on endlessly, or even that sentence long paragraphs are unacceptable, but I'll give an example:

"It's truly a miracle cure."

That was Dr. Sinclair's first words when he saw the drug that Dr. Smith had created.

A drug, created to be given to people, ones who had died to soon. Children, young mothers, people that loved ones weren't ready to let go of.

The drug was a cure, a cure for death; the Lazarus Cure was what Dr. Smith called it.

_

That's the first four paragraphs of this story. It could be condensed rather simply:

"It's truly a miracle cure."

That was Dr. Sinclair's first words when he saw the drug that Dr. Smith had created: a drug, created to be given to people, ones who had died to(oh that should be too) soon. Children, young mothers, people that loved ones weren't ready to let go of. The drug was a cure, a cure for death; the Lazarus Cure was what Dr. Smith called it.

_

Do you see what I mean? It flows more naturally that way. It just reads more easily.

Furthermore, you need a lot more description. This story comes off as a bit of a list of things that happen, as opposed to a story. Almost like a recap or summary instead. It can't be like that. It's very he said, she said, he did this, she did that. You have to describe the scene-not only just the physical scene more thoroughly, but the character's thoughts and emotions.

Typos should also be worked on, but you can use someone as an editor for that. That shouldn't be too difficult. But what you really need to work on is your description. It has to be much more vivid.

I hope my review has helped, and I look forward to an update.

~Billatrix Lestrange