|Reviews for No Man's Land|
| oddvar olafson chapter 4 . 8/5/2012
Still tough and good. But where is the rest of the story ?
| ODDVAR OLAFSON chapter 2 . 8/4/2012
TOUGH BUT GOOD.
| a99515 chapter 4 . 10/15/2010
awesome story I can't wate for more
| Vanessa Ravencroft chapter 3 . 9/18/2010
Will you continue this story? It's awful to let us( your readers) in the dark so long...;-)
| Vanessa Ravencroft chapter 1 . 8/26/2010
My Two cents on your Story
It has a good flow and it is readable. But since you asked me for an opinion I will give you my honest impression. How did your young hero know that Lancing was dangerous and all that before he became a lancer, reading about it in comic books and similar sources?
The character becomes much more believable after the introduction and starts to live and you describe the surroundings well. I can see the dusty planet and the forlorn settlement right before my eyes.
All in all a good easy read and I like to read more!
| Rose Warne chapter 2 . 3/4/2010
Gwah... must form... words... That poor slave girl! That is /horror/ I'm experiencing, sir! I forgot to mention before that I also love all the details that are just plain /right/, like the British guy's phlegmy swear (I have heard this phenomenon) and how Ezra didn't just snap out of his PTDS like an unrealistic badass, and the smell of rust and sweat in the favela. I'm not sure if you planned it this way, but metal plus sweat smells like blood, which really fits the tone of that flashback. The end of the Brazil flashback, on the other hand, was sudden enough that it took two or three paragraphs before I realized we’d switched times. Those kinds of transitions are hard buggers to craft, but even something as silly as "Back on the train, I kicked the train robber out the door and fought the ninjas" helps remind a reader what was happening before. Anyways, my assessment of this story so far is: funny, actiony, with a character that can be identified with even though he’s a bounty hunter from outer space.
Also, mistaking his arm for a burning cigarette was a great image.
| Rose Warne chapter 1 . 3/4/2010
Ha! You’ve got a nice sense of style and snark that had me snickering several times. (Ignore the atrocious amount of Ss in that sentence!) The chapter avoids the paragraphs of infodumping that a lot of Sci-Fi suffers from, uncovering the world as it becomes relevant. The sentence stating his elbow was clogged with sand just blew my puny mind. I’m not sure if that kind of revelation is possible with things like the origins of the androids, but if you could manage it, you’d be freaking made of win. Now, must find out who sea-foam girl is...