Reviews for Lost in Segue
sharks don't sleep chapter 1 . 3/25/2010
Overall, I enjoyed this poem, but there were several lines and stanzas that struck me as far more interesting/poetic/better than the rest. I think if you were to come back to this piece there are some aspects of these lines/stanzas that you could bring to the rest of the work and improve it immensely.

I love that the first stanza completely sets into motion the tone and pace of the poem: mirroring your topic, the poem actually seems to meander along for the most part (there are some fabulous instances where the pace picks up - the third stanza - that constrast and are really well-written).

"But I am cursed with the worst kind of memory" is a really great line, as is "the release of one idea for the thought of one better" and "with my unwillingness to part with my love,/for I cannot imagine one better". They are all these tiny nuances of self that are so perfectly realized in writing, and that really makes them stand out. Some parts of this poem, I think, aren't quite as realized (example: I loved the line about jazz drums, but it almost seemed out of place). I think overall it is these ideas that touch on the overall memory-theme towards the end, but don't quite hit it on the nose, that need to be revised for a stronger final product. Everything needs to tie together in topic or it gets a bit muddy.

The last stanza is equally as fabulous as the first - it took me a few reads to wrap my head around it, but that made it all the better; probably my favorte part of the whole poem.

C