|Reviews for A Friend In Me|
| Elli Ann chapter 2 . 3/7/2010
Sorry, I meant to say "very confusing for" where the stars were in the review. I'm not sure where the stars came from... that was really strange. o.0
| Elli Ann chapter 1 . 3/7/2010
Very creative idea, and very original. However, you have a lot of run on sentences which can be very hard on the reader. Try being more concise. Try breaking them down. Your first line for example can be broken down into several separate sentences:
"It was an normal day in the realm known as Earth. A young girl sat in her room hearing children her own age playing and laughing outside. She was sad because she didn't fit in because she was different. Aside from being shy, she had a deep love of magical beings and other worlds. Her sea green eyes watched with great sadness as she pushed a strand of her long blue hair away..."
This makes your story much easier to follow. :) An easy way to spot where to break things down is to look for the parts where you use words like "and", "because" and "as". When in doubt, read it out loud. If you have to take a breath in the middle of your sentence, it's too long. ;)
I love the names you use though, as well as the concept. Keep writing!