Reviews for SubaqueousSubterranean
Black Sparrow chapter 1 . 4/21/2010
That was really well done :) I loved it. Great job.
Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 3/8/2010
I think the imagery really fit the idea you were going for well, and the rambling format made me think of flows and water. Clever.

Good job and good luck in WCC!
lookingwest chapter 1 . 3/7/2010
Per usual your poetry is always amazing and well-worded. There are so many rich words used in this poem that I can't list them all-each one seems perfectly placed and well thought out. I really like your use of formatting it too. When I read it aloud it really rolls of the tongue beautifully. You took the prompt in a literal sort of way but gave it such great flavor and language, words like "submerged" and "sloshing and pounding" really pull the reader in. You work in free-verse so well! And best of luck in the WCC, this was certainly a treat!
no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 3/7/2010
This is very surreal and feels very fluid in nature. Everything feels like it's dripping wet, if that makes any sense at all. Interesting. Keep writing! :)
Isca chapter 1 . 3/5/2010
"My mind tells me to spill into the water." This line is so avant garde and sublime. Well done!

I like the "ripples/cripples" rhyming a lot.

"My howling bones." I like the way in which this line evokes lunar imagery. :)

"And there are hands and mouths underwater." Woah. This line is so startling (and creepy, in a good way!).
RazorStar chapter 1 . 3/4/2010
This was very smooth and fluid, like a jellyfish or some other kind of amoeba type species. I love the transitions from stanza to stanza, and the form used for this poem is really cool, the transition between long and short stanzas was executed really well here. I also like how only 3 words are capitalized in the whole thing, really gives a subtle power shift in the tone of the poem. I really enjoyed what you did here, and I hope you continue writing.

RZ
recycle rhymes chapter 1 . 3/4/2010
pretty - i noticed you have a fascination with jelly fish or in this case jelly-faced surface. a lot of great imagery here. nice work.
sophiesix chapter 1 . 3/4/2010
I like the feeling you get in this of the need to stay hidden, which is given by the sub-marine world, paired with the sort of overwhelming feeling the ocean gives of being so incredibly vast. Put together, it engenders a nice overall impression of ocean.

The rhythm of the first stanza was a bit staid for me, the repetition of the adjective-noun groupings got a bit , i dunno, monotonous. I like the rhythm in the “watch the ripples,” that had a definite wave-on-a-beach motion to me, but I’m not sure about the ‘cripple’ rhyme: on the one hand it imparts a repetitive, circular, endless motion type feel, and on the other hand it just doesn’t feel fresh?

“a toe wadding inward, arms pyramiding overhead, legs flipping outward,” loved the instant image created by the words ‘pyramidal’ and ‘flipping’ - they were perfect. Definitely my favourite bit. ‘Wadding’ I didn’t get so much – wading maybe? Or do you mean like a toe curling inwards in the kick?

Good luck for the WCC!
Brenda Agaro chapter 1 . 3/4/2010
Great images. I like how you described the speaker's need for more room. Beautiful and intriguing as always. :-)