|Reviews for Breakaway|
| butt-munch chapter 14 . 11/7/2010
A! that was AMAZING AND AWESOME I MEAN THAT WAS SO COOL I LIKE LOVED IT! BUT YOU SHOULD TRY OTHER PEOPLES POVS 2 IT WOULD BE MORE INTERESTING. but you should make Nessa a little more sarcastic towrds people she dosent like and Derek. but anyways this is really good keep writing!
| Miss Lovable chapter 14 . 10/21/2010
great chapter! can't wait till the next!
| HyP3R N Ov3RIM4GIn4TIv3 chapter 13 . 8/4/2010
I stumbled across your story while fishing out for random titles to read. I have to admit, I'm a total sucker for heartbreaking scenes. I definately rate this overall story good so I'll WILL keep in touch with this story. I like how there's all these conflicting characters and that's good, it makes the readers question what's going to happen next. I, unfortunately, have the luck of people liking the stories that I don't really like to update with the exception of my newest idea _"
I really want to find out what happens next. Will Luke and Nessa finally see each other after so long? Why the he'll was Derek kissing another girl? Questions, and more questions... I really hope they get answered soon. But no pressure on updating. I know how it feels to not have time to seperate writing and school life.
| Miss Lovable chapter 13 . 8/3/2010
i love this story. i can't wait till november when you'l get the next chapter up.
| Ara Juules chapter 13 . 7/27/2010
Hi, i agree with you on the twilight thing - so much!
So here is my reaction to the chapter:
I HATE THEM - ALL OF THEM (well except Nate... and Nessa... And their father (partly because he wants to split them up, naw i HATE him as well) and Brandon and Elle... BUT I HATE LUKE AND DEREK urg, what pieces of broken freaking shit! But i still love Nate,
And now Nessa and Brandon can be together Yipe :)
But please update... knowing you wont makes me sad :( but i'll wait...
and good luck :)
| hehehaha94 chapter 13 . 7/17/2010
hey erm. intersting story.. ahah it looks like nessa gets her heart crushed again.. oo so does that mean she goes back to luke? anyway keep writing
| Ara Juules chapter 12 . 7/8/2010
You were right :) I LOVE summer :) And in some way i am very glad that Jake isn't her gay friends cause that would be even more akward if Nate hadn't noticed that :) But i Love Nate and Elle they are so sweet :)
So you got a review even though my internet is batshit! I couldn't stay away from FP :)
And YES i love twilight - in some ways :) I think eclipse and new moon are by far the best movies and i like eclipse and twilight in the book category :) (i found New moon not my style even though it had more Jacob and Breaking Dawn was just plain weird sometimes (you know what i am talking about if you've read it) :)
But yeah' i love twilight? How 'bout U?
| Ara Juules chapter 11 . 6/26/2010
Yeah, its so perfect that Elle means she/her... It reakly is fate... And i think you should go with the names Nate/Noelle when you get children :) Both have Just the right amount of cuteness ond coolness (is that even words?) although i have a pet dream about calling my children summer... Yeah, guess which season i love the most... But i loved the chapter even though i stell like Brandon more than Derek... And i love Elle... I totally want to kick this Jake guys butt! But he could be her totally coolness gay friend... or not? Soo please update soon and have a nice summer... ( of you update in over a week i'll probably not review... Not because i do not want to but because i'll be on top of an italian mountain with internet like once a week, so sad i cannot love without the internet!)
| Minty F chapter 1 . 6/25/2010
Hey there! I'm a picky reader and review most of what I read, so get ready for the concrit.
Okay, so it's only chapter one, but the first chapter sells the book. So far, this one isn't making the sale with me. Let me explain.
The characters aren't standing out for me - especially your FMC Nessa. In a first person POV romance like this, I like for the FMC to have a strong voice - a personality that jumps off my monitor. Unfortunately I'm not getting this from Nessa. The parents are just... there. And Nate seems like a charming fellow, but that's about it.
The writing is pretty straight-forward. Lots of telling, but little showing! Instead of telling us the actions of the characters, try to *show* us. It's all in the words you use to conjure up an image. I'd definitely recommend getting more descriptive when writing the emotions the characters have. Divorce is usually a heartbreaking thing, but I didn't really get that feeling from the story. The pasta bit was good though - how her favorite meal suddenly tasted stale.
To be honest, after finishing chapter one I didn't feel very compelled to continue reading. The plot, as of right now, seems... typical. I've seen many stories start out this way - parents break up, kid(s) experience some distress before moving off with one parent or the other. Personally, it doesn't interest me in the slightest. If you started from a different angle... say, the family shares an awkward meal in cold silence, then mom and dad start fighting after dad remarks that the mashed potatoes are lumpy (because this is how their fights always start - over something microscopic) and then later that night a divorce is decided on... I think something like that would have been a stronger beginning. You know, fleshing out the characters more and showing how dysfunctional the parents are. Having the readers see for themselves can be powerful.
On the technical side of things, I spotted some spelling errors and tense changes, but nothing horrible. I don't mean to be harsh - as a writer I understand how difficult it can be to receive concrit like this - but I also understand how important it is. I hope you benefit from my review and continue writing :)
| Ara Juules chapter 10 . 6/10/2010
OMG :) I love this chapter :) Thank you so much for dedicating this to me, it feels like i've just won an academy award or something :) I love how you write in Nate POV, it really makes him even more of a sweet, lovable person. (I would use more words but that would take all day ;))
I like Noelle, though i am a little bit jealous :) But she's exactly the type of person i think Nate would like.
I don't know if you thought about this, but in french, elle means she or her, so that is so cool, cause that means she could be every single one of us :)
Have a nice camp my friend and i'll look forward to your next update :)
| Ara Juules chapter 9 . 5/26/2010
Thanks for the good luck :) I have the feeling I might need it. (Who the h*ll invented chemistry anyway!)
I really liked the chapter, though I prefer Brandon over Derek... What about you? :) I know Derek is all sweet in this chapter, but there's just something about Brandon :)
OH and a very BIG thank-you for maybe coming with a Nate POV chapter. I cannot wait. (We all love him so much) :)
I'll keep reviewing every chapter :) It's so much fun :)
| Ara Juules chapter 8 . 5/22/2010
Hi! I loved the chapter. Are we expecting a little Brandon - Nessa romance? I kinda like him... Even more than Derek :-) But that may be because i still don't know whats up with him :) So i still think Nate should find a sweet girl, like a surfer maybe? Someone everyone can pretend to be while searching for the real life Nate.
I hope that you having more time means faster updates, cause i am starting exams next week and could use cheering up :) No pressure though :)
| Ara Juules chapter 7 . 4/28/2010
Yeah i know :) But if I meet a Nate it's a keeper ;) What is special about the connerly part ? Please update soon ;) XOXO. SP
| Ara Juules chapter 6 . 4/20/2010
Hi, me again :)
Loved the chapter :) What's up with Derek..? Now you've got me being really curious :)
Aand we need to get Nate a girl, like a really sweet somebody, somebody who makes him happy until we get to bump into him XD
So the only thing i can criticise is that there is a serious lack of Nate (i can't get enough, he is soo sweet, maybe he's gay... NO, i am joking, he is not gay, please don't make him be gay... Pretty please with cherries on top ;))
| Barbie Hall chapter 1 . 4/20/2010
I love this story, thanks!