|Reviews for Jan's Quest|
| Writer's freedom chapter 1 . 7/16/2010
you know, I kinda see a hint of the writing you do on FFN. especially the Sonic series. (See the dolls in the mid-chapter) this is quite a great story, but it's late, and fictionpress only allows me to post tomorrow, also I'll be reading soon
| Angel Investor chapter 1 . 6/6/2010
Good opening. I like Jan's sensitive and childish character. It is also interesting to make the main character a chubby one, since they are usually some admirable heroes. I think her love for fairies is pretty cute. I agree with Santhor with that "show versus tell" thing, because that was the biggest flaw with this opening. Otherwise it was good. You used a great way to end a long chapter. That is, a sort of a promise for what is to come.
"Her mother put the rabbit back between the pink hedgehog and the yellow fox."
Reference to Amy and Tails from Sonic the Hedgehog? Heh heh. :)
Keep going. You've got potential.
| Ochenta y Cinco chapter 1 . 4/13/2010
Great story, I agree with Rey (fuerza) mi familia lol! Yeah be descriptive because the reader(s) can get an idea or glimpse of what the character looks like. So yeah great fic and most definitely getting a fav!
-Ochenta y Cinco out!
(Ochenta y Cinco means 85 btw)
| Naturegal327 chapter 1 . 3/16/2010
I liked it! It sounds just like my life. Dramatic and full of wonder. Yay :D
| Antisocial Piglet chapter 1 . 3/15/2010
Hardy har har. It's not there simply because I wished it.
Thnks fr th mmrs.
| Red Moon On The Horizon chapter 1 . 3/12/2010
That was very interesting. It's really good so far.
| Snackasm chapter 1 . 3/10/2010
I thought it was very good, and I enjoyed the description, be as descriptive as you want :)
| Santhor chapter 1 . 3/10/2010
Didn't read the whole thing. A couple for pointers if I may. You seem to have fallen into that trap that many writters do and have jumped straight into describing all your characters. There are too many for the reader to keep track of, (at least for me anyways.) don't worry about going too much into the color and lengh of each characters hair. As for the personality don't tell the reader what it is e.g. "She was the leader of the group." or "She is the clown of the group" try to convay it through their actions and speech. it will make things a lot more interesting for the reader.
I think the main think to look at tho is how to grap the readers attaention right at the start. There are a lot of stories uploaded to this site every day. So if you want someone to read yours from start to end you need a good intro.