Reviews for Love Hotel
DecayedDreams chapter 4 . 6/29/2010
K I'm going to go back and list all the details you have for each character (so basically this is a review to see if I got the facts write about your characters)

TACHIBANA AKANE

2nd year student at Kabushiki Academy

smart

rich

wants to go to Tokyo University (medicine)

works at family owned Love hotel called Koi Hotel

taking calculus

has a older sister (?) or why would she be thinking of onee-san (ch2)

scared that everybody will find out about her hotel

hates Sketchy-sensei, her goody two shoe reputation and her parents

nice notes

trying to do something to Sukihara

eats lunch in the classroom

KANEMURA KYOSEI

president of Student Council

2nd year

wants to go to Tokyo University (medicine)

the "prince"

pervert

dumb

popular

useless

eats lunch in the cafeteria

SUKIHARA MAMORU

guy sitting next to akane

Kanemura's best friend

walked in on her during her shift

eats lunch in the cafeteria

ARARISHINO ERIKA

pretty girl

in same class as tachibana

"Miss Prissy-Pants

TACHIBANA ATSUKO

Akane's mother

TACHIBANA SAN

Akane's father (UNNAMED)

FUMMA SHINTARO

a character that seems to affect Akane's life

works at a bar or something that doesn't allow minors in

nickname: Shin-chan

accountant

always stayed by Tachibana family's side

MUROKASHI AKIRA

substitute teacher of Izaumi

"Sketchy-sensei"

FUJIWARU

Akane's ex-teacher

head teacher

hates administration

retires in one year

physician

MICHI-CHAN

another worker at Koi Hotel

YAMAGUCHI SEIJI

worker at Koi Hotel

BABA AND JIIJII

Akane's grandparents that love her

live in Kyoto

MEGUMI

a person that likes SUIKIHARA (can't specifically say that this person is a student, but I would like to think they are)

MIYAZAWA KAEDE

school libarian with power

KAICHOU

a person thrown in somewhere (ch 4)

SAKAMOTO CHIZAKU

Araishino's close friend

So I guess you have pretty good descriptions but I had to guess about Atsuko's name. But you could add some physical descriptions.

about this chapter

GREAT ENDING

you still need to fix those dialogue spot

"never make your body a prize."

"we are here to claim our prize."

"you promised a hug."

"have you been hiding from everyone else too?"

Things to define in this chapter:

Kabukicho
DecayedDreams chapter 3 . 6/29/2010
"are you okay?" - "Are you okay?"

"please wife! - "Please wife

"apparently there are minors here." - "Apparently ..."

"why did you buy that ring?" - "Why..."

"did you expect me to let you ruin my life?" - "Did..."

If I take these apart they look wrong, right? So please do make those changes

Koi hotel - Koi Hotel

Suki Hotel Chain-Suki Hotel chain

things to define in this chapter (in other words prove to me that you know what you're talking about)

Kami-sama

koi (for all people know she words in a fish(Koi as in english a type of fish) hotel)

otou-san

ojou

You need to take more time and explain who is who, how are they related to the Tachibana-san? More characters with a physical description instead of just having stickmen with name tags.(This is how I envision everybody's characters until they give me some description. AKA tons of FictionPress authours are playing with stick people.)
DecayedDreams chapter 2 . 6/29/2010
Just some small errors in capitalizing

microphone, "signify -"Signify

exclaimed, "couldn't - "Couldn't

(it doesn't matter if it's the middle of the sentence (kind of like I or people's names you capitalize it even if it is in the middle)) yes I will never get off your case about this until you do it right, so prepared to be annoyed.

lacklustre -is not a word (I know your trying to make it sound interesting but at least use English or Japanese)

Yadda- I think it's Yatta not yadda ( but I understand they only differ by two tiny ticks when you write it in Japanese.)

"she said, icily." - I think coldly would be a better word here

of her; give - improper use of a ; (you need "they can" after the ; for it to be proper. Otherwise use a comma)

5,0 - they don't use the comma to separate numbers like this anymore because so many people (I'm thinking the old folks, and scientist) can't decipher a comma from a period so just use a space

This chapter was really good, just a couple of small details to take care of.

Also I feel very strongly about putting some explanations of your Japanese words/phrases, for those of us who aren't crazy about the Manga section. (I did understand it but lets make things easier for those who don't)
DecayedDreams chapter 1 . 6/28/2010
I'm usually not really good with long chapters usually but this was really interesting. keep up the good work

just a few weird looking things

-,"

-, "

"you're[...]" when your starting a new line of dialogue/thoughts you always capitalize the first letter even if it's in the Middle of the sentence.
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goshssshh chapter 3 . 5/24/2010
UPDATE!

This story seems really touchinge specially the part about tachibana and his dad. Poor Tachibana. Sukihara seems quite mean by the way, I wonder.

-tami
Barbie Hall chapter 1 . 5/11/2010
Wow great story! I'm hooked, update soon! :]