|Reviews for Tea Boy|
| Claire LeBoeuf chapter 1 . 2/5/2013
I became uneasy when I saw the title, scared when I saw "Captain Jack" and downright terrified when I read the summary.
Listen, you're a good writer, you obviously have talent, but if you want to go write about Torchwood, go write about Torchwood. There's a whole website dedicated to writing like that. This is not the place.
| Girly 411 chapter 1 . 3/27/2012
Oh, wow. I can't believe it's taken me THIS LONG to finally review for this. *headdesk* I first mentioned I'd read and review for your story several years ago on WhyDoesItHaveToRainOnMyParade's Review Tag forum. Man, schoolwork and now college just really caught up with me. O_o'
I really loved this first chapter. It's nicely written and the flow of it makes it easy to read. XD I kind of giggled at the part where Nick is giving Jack the puppy face and Jack almost falls for it. All the details about the coffee and the descriptions of their surroundings is a nice touch. ;) It really adds atmosphere.
The interaction between Brit and Jack is quite amusing, too. _ And the short conversation between Brit and Nick regarding Nick's watching Jack was amusing as well. Poor guy. ;P Heheh...
I look forward to reading more of this story... now that I have some time in between classes to do so. _ Excellent work! I think this chapter does an excellent job of introducing the characters. D *applauds* A wonderful start!
| Death by Algae chapter 7 . 3/24/2011
Except not since it's basically a rewrite of the series. *sigh. fail. You could have made it a bit more original/you.
| Death by Algae chapter 3 . 3/24/2011
SO I'm going to out on a limb here and say, "Torchwood," fanatic? Not that I'm judging or anything. *shrugs. It awesome... Even if you aren't a Torchwood fanatic. Well so far.
| short circuit chapter 1 . 7/7/2010
This DEFINITELY reminds me of Torchwood.
| ZyggyGirl chapter 1 . 5/23/2010
Sorry, I know I'm a little late getting to this story...
14-There should be a comma between 'doorway' and 'Nick'
20-Consider changing the first line to 'he said a little too loudly...'
25-'she nodded toward the cup Jack was holding onto despite himself.' would read better as 'in spite of himself' Just personal preference.
This was very well done. Very professional. One thing I recommend, though, for when your characters are speaking: If you're going to put something that identifies the speaker (he said, she exclaimed, etc.) during their speech, add it as soon as possible, and preferably after a short sentence.
Example: "Oh! I didn't know how many people you've got on the team, so I only brought the one," he said, "but I could make more if you've got a coffee machine." That's 'as is'.
To help the flow of words, you could do something like this: "Oh!" he said. "I didn't know how many people you've got on the team, so I only brought the one, but I could make more if you've got a coffee machine."
| Skylinger chapter 2 . 5/22/2010
You have my attention. This was a very good chapter. I am interested to know why they would blow up Diane if she used to work there. I am assuming she is a ghost. This is becoming very interesting.
| Skylinger chapter 1 . 5/22/2010
I have to admit to me all this chapter said was "Make me Coffee" However I also recognize not every story starts off with action. I will however say Brit has my attention and Nick seems like a nice person. I'm going to check out your next chapter.
| lianoid chapter 88 . 5/21/2010
This chapter is so comical. Almost every other line had me laughing loudly; my voice echoing through my apartment and out the window for passers-by to wonder what the hell’s so funny.
Hmm, intrigue. I wonder what kind of data is stored on Brit’s computer chip earrings. Perhaps something about her? Wait! What do you mean ‘End Season One’? What’s going on? Ha-ha. I’m a little sleepy right now, so my brain’s on overdrive and I’m terribly giddy after reading this chapter in particular.
I must say I love this story. Of course you already knew that; what with me reviewing like a fiend; but I just thought I’d let you know again. Your characters are so comical and realistic. The pain they feel, as well as the happiness, excitement and even childlike wonder, is conveyed exceptionally well. The setting – the hub in particular – is a really neat idea. I like how it practically has a life of its own, and that Jack and It don’t really see eye to eye. I’m pained that Owen and Lisa are gone, but I really think this opens up your story a bit more. Not only do we get to see and experience the array of emotions Brit, Jack and Nick are feeling because of their loss, but also we now start to wonder what they’re going to do. Is Jack going to recruit new members? If so how soon and whom? Is this Intergalactic war with the Octopi creatures going to escalate, and how will the team be able to manage with so few staff?
I’m really liking where this is all headed, however I’m beginning to wonder where/when it’s going to end. Don’t get me wrong, I love reading this and it’s always the first story I head over to read once I see the alert in my inbox, but I just don’t know what the central plot is. In the beginning we explored a bit of Nick’s relationship with Noel, as well as ‘ghosts’ of the past – whether it be literally, or subtle hints towards turbulent histories. As the story progressed, we find the characters battling it out with various supernatural forces. Now we find them dealing with the simple realities of life; exploring the vast array of emotions one can feel. What now though? What great challenges lie ahead, and how will it tie in with everything they’ve already gone through? We’ve watched the characters evolve from their early personalities, but I’m wondering how much further do they have to go? They’ve been tried physically and emotionally already, so what big event/revelation will shake them to their core and bring us to the climax of their tale?
As always though, I’m impressed with your work and eagerly looking forward to the upcoming chapters; so keep it up. From your faithful Jack-fan-girl,
A few edits, but mostly just personal preference:
"I already gave you presents!" Nick slurred from where he rested with his head on Jack's lap.
-Edit: Remove the “from where he rested with his head on Jack’s lap” since you’ve already described their positions adequately.
“The captain laughed and ran his fingers through his hair.”
-Question: Whose hair? His own or Nick’s?
“He pulled out the two wrapped boxes – one in deep purple wrapping paper, one smart blue stripes – that he'd brought down from his office.”
-Edit: Consider removing the last part of this sentence: “that he’d brought down from his office” since we already know that he did.
“He rushed over to her and gave her her box, the one with stripes.”
-Try: “He rushed over to her and gave her the box with the stripes.” Or something similar to remove the “her her”.
“Jack said when they were done cooing over Brit's gift.”
-Personal preference: I find that the “cooing over” reads oddly. Could just be me, but I might suggest revising.
“...else would get woken up if there was some disaster during the rest of the afternoon.”-
-Edit: Change “get” to “be”.
Forgive me for being so nitpicky right now, but I just thought I’d point it out:
-Repetition of the following words/phrases: “finally got it unwrapped”, “said seriously”, and “he slurred”.
| lianoid chapter 87 . 5/20/2010
The conversation between Nick and his sister was weird; in a really believable way, though. It was just so awkward and tense. One second they were bickering, and it would seem like friendly sibling fighting, but the next it was all cold and distant again. Sheesh.
“Jack set his jaw firmly but she didn't turn away from his gaze, and finally he was the first one to look away, to look back at his office.” – I think the “to look back at his office” bit is a tad redundant. Why not just include it later in the dialogue. Perhaps throw after the line: "What do you think they're like?" Jack asked suddenly.
"It's not a problem, where I'm from; anyone can be with anyone else.” Either remove the comma after “problem” or remove the semi-colon. (Personal preference)
“They made him feel trapped and controlled, made him start acting out just to prove that he was the one in control.” – Perhaps try an “and consequently” before “made him start”
“Jack said and Brit and Nick laughed...” – Personal preference: try to find a way to get rid of the first “and”, just because the sentence as a whole has three of them in it and I just find it’s stifling the flow.
| lianoid chapter 86 . 5/20/2010
Good chapter, it’s nice to find out a bit more about our boy Nick. A few edits, but the story’s still as solid as ever.
“What sleep he got was mixed in with crazy dreams, images of Lisa's body...” – Personal preference: Edit to read: “What sleep he did get was mixed...”
“It seemed like almost a crime to wake him.” – Repetition of the words “wake him”, consider changing this one to “disturb him”.
“He rearranged, organized, reorganized got everything just so.” – Either place a semi-colon or an “and” before “got everything”.
“He winced and returned to Lisa's work station, which he was using as his own desk for the moment, since he had no permanent desk aside from one of the small offices off the main room that were already full of things like the clockwork robots and the accidental time machine and the boxes filled with new computers for Brit.” – Holy epic sentence! Ha-ha. Consider either breaking it up into smaller sentences, or throwing a couple of commas or semi-colons in there.
“They were talking and even laughing a bit. Jack stood and watched them for a bit until Nick noticed him and waved him down.” – Consider changing the second “bit” to “for a while”.
“Things were a bit rocky with them when I was little, we left or a bit...” – I think you mean “for a bit”, and who is “we”? Ah, I think you mean his mom and him. If so, I think you should change the sentence to read: “Things were a bit rocky between them when I was little...”
“After I moved out my mum went off, all crazy, dating any guy that seemed vaguely interested in her.” – I don’t think there should be a comma after “off”.
| lianoid chapter 85 . 5/20/2010
"I know. It's not fair of me to ask you to be one.” – Maybe change “of” to “for”. Totally personal preference though.
“The funerals had been hard to go to, and he hadn't said a word to Brit as he drove her back to her flat.” – In the last chapter you said Jack didn’t go to the funeral.
Paragraphs 24 and 25 (Beginning with “He sagged against the wall...” and “Maybe he would...”) – It feels like you’re changing POV here, without really clarifying or making the transition smooth. In paragraph 24 we have Jack’s inner musings, while the following chapter we have Nick thinking about taking time off. I could be wrong here, it could just be me; but I think you might want to revise a bit.
“Nick resolved to ask him if he really needed his help, and if he could manage the rest of the week without him he'd take that break...” – The last bit of this “he’d take that break” throws off the beginning of the sentence. Consider splitting it to make another sentence.
"Great; and I promise you can take time off later, when we've gotten a bigger staff; and don't say 'that's what she said.'" – This line gave me a good laugh.
| lianoid chapter 84 . 5/18/2010
Excellent chapter as always. I like the tension between Jack and Nick, and I think it’s very realistic. I wonder what Jack’s plans about bringing them back are now?
| Thornton chapter 3 . 5/17/2010
"Magic?" Nick asked, amazed.
"Science," Brit assured him.
"Same thing," Owen said.
*nod nod* Loved this exchange!
| Thornton chapter 2 . 5/17/2010
Okay, I'm late to the party here and just getting started on this, but I did want to stop here to compliment the way you're jumping right in and building suspense. You've plopped us down with a bunch of characters, but you've also done a nice job of making them relatively distinct right off the bat...I like the way Brit's a friendly type, not at all afraid to lead Nick around by the hand, and I'm also getting a pretty good feel for Jack and Nick. Well done.
That being said, I do have to say I'm a tad frustrated that you're not taking better advantage of the 3rd limited POV. Nick's an outsider in this situation and we're experiencing things essentially looking over his shoulder, yet we don't get very much info about how he's assessing the situation. There's nice description and plenty of action, but what does the POV character make of it all? (And why was he so desperate to be hired in the first place? Since we're pretty much in Nick's head, it would make sense for us to hear more about why he's there and what he hopes to achieve.)