Reviews for When She Ran
It'sJorieIForgotMyPasswordTho chapter 1 . 3/13/2010
WHY DID YOU NOT SHOW THIS TO ME YET? Gosh, take one creative writing class and you forget the little people. :p

Me being nitpick-y:

-When She Ran

-...to the meeting spot, so many thoughts went through...

-...he was tall, had dark hair with brown eyes, and had a kind smile.

-Only on James...

-...hair and eyes...

-...couple of weeks...

-...had a kind smile, but Michael's...

-James', on the other hand, was strong...

-"The pleasure is all mine.

-You started switching from past to present. And I don't mean like, you switched to it for the italics, I mean throughout the italics and again throughout the normal font. Like, within the same sentence.-

-... heand, his blinding smile showed once more.

-"Yes, ma'am.

-She smiled sheepishly, her cheeks tinted a slight red.

-He laughed at this comment.

-"Well, then I...

-...or soon would be.

-Dodging behind a tree she held her breath.

-Scoffing, she hissed to herself...

-She burst...

-...she sat on the floor and got lost...

-...remembering all that'd happened...

-A stick broke...

-...she twirled around...

Besides my annoying nitpicking, I absolute love the plot of this and this it's super-cute, Becky. You could totally like, expand on this into a whole big story. :)

-Jorie.