|Reviews for Waiting for the Answer|
| Katerzzz chapter 3 . 10/5/2010
Brilliant dialogue between Andrea and Jacob. Really felt the relationship there. Lots of characters in the flashback, nearly knocked me for six but I survived. Other than that a nice addition and brilliant work. Keep writing!
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 5 . 9/11/2010
I think that, so far, this chapter is, to me, the best one. The pace matches the action really well, the dialogue is well written and quick between the two, which really keeps your attention and matches with their emotions. I feel like we kind of know more about what Jacob feels than Andrea - just something to keep in mind. The only suggestion I'd make is in this line;
[my way to the seldom-used anymore music hallway and sneaking outside.]
Maybe take out 'anymore'? It doesn't feel needed and I think that by taking it out you can keep up the quick pace in this chapter.
Keep it up - I look forward to seeing chapter 6!
| SomeCowgirl chapter 5 . 9/9/2010
Going good, a bit confusing still but I am enjoying it.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 4 . 9/4/2010
Good chapter, I liked how it picked up with the action at the end. However, I do feel like the flashback didn't really add anything; it seems a bit too random.
[They had found me.
My pulse started to race as I heard footsteps. "Shit, Jacob, they found me," I said, my voice a whisper as I raced for the stairs, hoping I could get upstairs to escape out the bedroom window before they found me.]
You seem to repeat [They found me] quite a lot there, maybe change it a bit.
You could build up the tension here near the end; there seems to be very little emotion and I feel like I should be feeling more. It moves quite quickly too; maybe add in a bit of description and how she's feeling - vulnerable? Scared? Annoyed?
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 3 . 8/29/2010
The intereaction between her and Jacob was done well, but I get the feeling you could build a bit more on their relationship with each other; maybe have Andrea a bit more worried about the situation, especially for Jacob? You introduce a lot of characters in the flashback scene; it's a good thing to show how things were when it was normal, but I think you can do with cutting out some of the names in the line 'Sarah, Marie, Courtney, Megan, Jacob, Eric, and I', it's a bit of an overload for the reader, especially when this could be a fairly relaxed scene.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 2 . 8/25/2010
I think that, with this chapter, you could have maybe just jumped straight into the flashback? The explanation of her not living at the school could come afterwards, maybe?
You do a lot of telling - try showing us how the characters are pissed, or stressed, rather than saying it so explicitly.
There's more of an idea of the plot here, and it seems really interesting; I like how the kids formed two sort of groups, and how Andrea is trying to stay out of it. Nice cliffhanger at the end, too.
| Scriber08 chapter 1 . 8/24/2010
You got off to a nice start to your story. I can already get a feel of the main character's personality which is always a good thing. The story caught me off guard the first time I read it, but I realized that the opening scene in italics was just a dream, although it seemed so real. I am curious if the second part in italics is another dream she has before she wakes up? Overall I like the concept of dreams, which I use in my own story anyways. Good job!
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 8/23/2010
Interesting start with the flashbacks, and there are a lot of questions here to make the reader want to read on. Nice work with that. However, from the start the main character seems to be lacking something - she's relatable when trying to wake up, but then seems to...I don't know. Come across as a bit, bitchy, maybe, with the not going to her sister's concert - maybe you could indicate the reason why she doesn't want to go? It just kind of put me off the main character, is all.
| seredemia chapter 2 . 8/23/2010
You have a habit of telling instead of showing. Such as 'Karen looks very stressed'. How about telling us how her eyebrows are knitting together in worry, or something like that. To make the image of her being stressed more clear?
'Karen looks over at him with an annoyed expression similar to the look on one's face when dealing with an obnoxious insect that won't go away.'
- I like this sentence. It really does create an amusing and true image... Hehe.
Ooh. Karen has some guts. I like her.
Woah. Jeremy's a DICK! How could he hit a girl like that? I would hate to be in the same school as him... I wonder what happened to Karen... I feel really sorry for Karen... She was only sticking up for herself... Stupid Jeremy.
| MeAsIAm chapter 3 . 8/21/2010
Interesting chapter. Finally some sort of hazy explanation, which makes one yearn for more, of course :). One thing escapes me - why would a school be built out of some special kind of material? I mean, why would the authorities permit it as it would obviously be very expensive. Another thing - you can get rid of the names listed in the flashback.
-Sarah, Marie, Courtney, Megan, Jacob, Eric, and I all laugh hysterically
The names drive away the concentration of the reader as we try to memorise them. If there would have been prolonged mentions in the same chapter, a physical description would have worked better, attributing and highlighting significant traits of the characters to make them potentially easier to remember. But as the characters are for a short duration (in this chapter) you can replace the whole string by a simple 'we'.
via the roadhouse
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 1 . 8/20/2010
Herro there from the Roadhouse. You've requested reviews for this one, so here I am. :) Anyway, this is a decent starting chapter here. By decent, I mean that the contents were quite well done, but certain stuff could have been better. Firstly, I'm not too sure if it's your intention, but the main character here seems a bit devoid of personality in this chapter. Yes I got the general picture on her character, but I think you could have done more in this aspect like a more in depth exploration on her thoughts concerning her family, various shows of emotions via body and speech language, etc.
As for the issue on her past, I guess things have gotten pretty much traumatic to say the least, but at the same time I'm being a bit lost as in what exactly had happened. I'm not saying you should just spill everything in one go, but at least I feel that you could have include certain snippets of that particular event so as to give the readers a certain idea and interest in her as a character. Apart from that, nothing much to say here. Sorry if I sound mean in this review. I don't mean to. It's just that as my sis has pointed out N times before, I sucks in communication. Period. Hopefully you won't take this harsh review the wrong way. I'm actually just trying to help. -.-
- From The Roadhouse. :)
| Kobra Kid chapter 5 . 8/19/2010
Yes! Jacob to the rescue! :D I hope he succedds, since I REALLY don't want Andrea to get hurt since I like, love her. Haha, but I didn't really spot anything to criticize in this chapter. It was perfectly fine. The dialogue was great, and I really like Jacob's character. He's very unique. :D. Great job & update soon!
| Kobra Kid chapter 4 . 8/19/2010
Oh wow, now i know why this chapter is called 'the unexpected!"
This was probably my favorite chapter because of the action and tension at the end. It was a great addition and I really loved reading it. And so Jeremy is behind this? That asshole, I hope karma kicks him in the butt! He deserves it!
And I can see that you developed Andrea more. :) I like her, she's neat and awesome! I also love Jacob, he's another great character.
My only criticism is to add more description. You bluntly stated that there were vans parked outside. What did they look like? Did she hear the roar of the engine when they approached? Where were the men? Any footsteps? Just stuff like that. :)
Besides that, excellent job!
| Kobra Kid chapter 3 . 8/19/2010
I already like Jacob, he seems like my kind of guy. :3 He's funny, cheerful & sorta smart...hehe.
Anyways, the dialogue was great. It was realistic and wasn't formal or anything, which it shouldn't be. :D. The flashback was written well as well, but you introduced a lot of characters at the same time. I mean when you listed all of the names. Just be careful you don't overwhelm the reader with six new characters at the same time.
My last criticism is to write more of Andrea's thoughts. The reader has some grip on Andrea's personality and who she is, but not a lot yet. You do great with dialogue & realistic characters, but maybe try to add more in-depth thoughts.
Besides that, I loved it! This story is very original and leaves you craving for more. What happened on that day? What is going on in the town where Jacob lives? Why did people vanish? So many questions!
| seredemia chapter 1 . 8/19/2010
I can totally relate to the main character. I do that VERY school morning... Ugh, you can never bring yourself to wake up, knowing that you have a crap day of school ahead.
The only thing that I didn't like is that a large part of this was in italics. In real books, you dont actually see authors doing that. Not to mention, it gets annoying to the eyes. But aside from that, it's fine.
Aah... So her mother and her sister are dead. Well, that does add an unexpected twist from the start. Anyway, this was a nice start so far! I wonder what happened to her mother and sister... Hmm...