|Reviews for she disappeared|
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 6/20/2010
I loved that first line. I just thought that personification and description was really powerful. It also really drew me into the poem and made me want to read more.
"it cries/creating holes and/an unbearable pain has been/created and eventually"... The phrasing here just sounded really awkward. First of all the repetition of create is just a bit too much. I think it's also because you change tenses from present to whatever tense has been is.
The question at the end is good. Repeating it works well and I think it's an interesting thing to make loneliness disappear almost sound negative. Definitely not what you usually read about loneliness.
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| nello chapter 1 . 3/15/2010
this is gorgeous.