|Reviews for I want to come to you like a star falling|
| Kate Marshall chapter 1 . 3/25/2010
[Descriptions/Images] I think your imagery is fantastic. It's vivid and suits your theme well. Particularly I liked "like a full star falling" and "...come around you like rain." Both similes serve as excellent descriptions. I had a clear picture in my head.
[Word choice] In the second stanza, "pieces" in "and all my hot pieces will..." sounded awkward to me. Because I had just read the previous poetic words, "pieces" was a little jarring, a tad flat. Maybe another word, one that fit with the 'star' images would be better.
[Flow] I have one complaint with the flow: the third stanza. And in "don't let me collect all these things and piece if they won't mean much by the end," especially. "Piece" here makes little sense to me, and it's just that the beginnign was so SMOOTH that this stanza sticks out to me. I think it just needs a little polishing, is all.
[Technical Aspects] I enjoyed your enjabment of the lines. It was nice emphasis. Clever, too.
[Other} I love the ending. "I want all of us to be one," I thought fit the poem well. In fact, the whole last stanza I like. The images - pretty. The theme - very poetic. :)
Kate (Review Game)
| Poisoned Twinkles chapter 1 . 3/17/2010
This sounds like a catchy song :D I could imagine a tune already XD
Comments: Just please fix a bit of the punctuation marks annd capitalise some stuff. Other than that, it's fine the way it is. ;))
Hope you could review a work of mine, too.