Hello.

An interesting prologue. A lot better than the many other ones I've read on this site. Kudos for that. I can't and won't go into too long of a critique, as it's really late here and I'm tired. About to crash, in fact.

I just wanted to put out one thing that kind of stalled me in reading this piece.

The beginning.

I'll be the first to admit that I don't get a kick out of reading someone trying to escape their church group. (No! No, don't think I'm scolding you or anything because I'm Christian. I'm not. I swear. *shudders*) What I'm saying is that I didn't get hooked into the writing until the mysterious girl appeared and the MC began running after her. That's where everything picked up . . .

Eleven paragraphs before my attention was grabbed.

Not too great of statistics, know what I mean?

Don't get me wrong, not every first paragraph can hook someone. Sometimes it's the chapter itself. I've had many books where I was confused on what was going on at first, but then it all became clear-prologue or chapter one. But it's not wise to have us twiddle our thumbs as we read, looking for something to catch our attention.

Try and speed things up a little bit more, if you can. I know it can get difficult to do at times (trust me), but sometimes it's necessary.

I'd like to put it one more thing before I head off.

The reason I'm not doing much more of a critique than what I'd said about the hook is because I found no mayhem of mistakes glaring at me from the text; you seem to know what you're doing. Yes, I just gave a compliment!

A good read. If you'd like more crits or helpful advice, my forum is open to all new-coming writers. :)

Thanks for sharing.

- K.