|Reviews for Wilmington|
| Written chapter 1 . 7/16/2012
this was lovely. it reminds me of being home, or rather, the place i called home before i left forever for college. so pretty.
| andrealiz chapter 1 . 7/5/2010
I love poetry that describes the senses. So captivating.
| fatbird33 chapter 1 . 5/30/2010
gorgeous discriptions! :)
| wo bu ai ni le chapter 1 . 5/25/2010
I like the combination of seemingly dissociated pieces. The image seems both haunting and blissful.
| Punslinger chapter 1 . 3/28/2010
A lovely little poem full of pungent word play tickling the senses to stir up cherished images. "Wilmington: quietly frozen in time." No, frozen in the mind, which is the most important place. However much the old home town changes over the years, we can always go back in our memories and find everything exactly as we want it. Nostalgia may not be what it used to be, but good writing like this can still make it enjoyable.
| lipleaf chapter 1 . 3/26/2010
Flow- I think this piece would flow better if you didn't capitalize the beginning of each line. It feels sort of awkward to read it that way, thought it's just an aesthetic thing. Also, in the fourth and third lines, I think it would sound more natural if you switched around "streets" and "abandoned" and added a comma after the fourth line.
Images- I liked the descriptions you have in here. The image you start out with, "My mother's lavender sheets," is simple but vivid nonetheless. I can see it in my head.
Technical aspects- I love the alliteration of "worm whistling winds." It rolls off the tongue in a wonderful way and gives a certain sense of serenity to the poem. It creates a calm, peaceful sort of mood. It almost feels kind of sleepy, actually, which fits right in with the subject.
Other- My main suggestion for this poem would be to lengthen it. I know the other reviewers have said it, but I really thing it has potential. As it is, the end just seems a bit abrupt. It feels like there should be more before it. You could go a lot deeper with this. Overall, though, good job.
| deefective chapter 1 . 3/21/2010
I really liked the gentle imagery throughout this. It set a peaceful tone and emphasized the good memories you associated with the place you're describing. Interesting choice of words also with the abandoned yet warm winds. I really liked that line for some reason. My only complaint would be that I didn't like the capitalization at the beginning of every line. It's really just a visual preference on my end but I thought it would've looked much better if you had stylized it a bit, maybe use a lowercase letter if the sentence was not finished. Other than that, nicely done.
| Isca chapter 1 . 3/21/2010
I like that the opening line just throws the reader into a familial scene. The olfactory descriptions here, of pinewood and cherry, are incredibly vibrant! I like "lavender sheets," as well - there's just something sweet about it.
"Warm, whistling winds." Excellent alliteration.
I like the chime/time internal rhyming; it definitely helps with the flow of the poem. I love your use of the word "quietly" at the end - as if, in opposition, Wilmington could be "loudly frozen." I like that Wilmington seems as calm and "ageless" as the speaker's mother. :)
| no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 3/21/2010
I love all the sensory information I'm getting in this. I wish there was some sort of punctuation between "whistling winds" and "The crisp grass", but I got what you meant without it. Very nice little piece. Keep writing! :)
| Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 3/20/2010
I really liked the condensed detail of this piece. You don’t really stray beyond the confines of a room or a street ex: lavender sheets/abandoned streets and so on, which gives the poem a comforting claustrophobia to it (claustrophobia in a good way). It has that feeling of being home, and safe, and yet alive, and open to the rest of the world, moments like that are rare and I really think that you’ve captured that here.
I also liked "Wilmington remains ageless..." it lets the reader know that this time has passed in memory and moment, yet in both instances it still exists as is, unchanged.
As far as the overall piece - although I loved the little moments of it - I thought that it was really short, and the meaning LARGE, but I think that’s kind of what you were going for. To capture the tiny movements, rather than the greater picture as a whole. I guess I was just expecting something different, although I’m very pleased with what I found. Keep up the good work.