|Reviews for Year Six|
| Silver Snowdrop chapter 1 . 10/11/2010
wow, you wrote this in SIXTH grade? I couldn't hope to write a poem this good even if I was in twelth grade. And it sums up every problem I have with the human race... i agree with green gummy bear, so not proud to be one. Keep up with the good writing!
| Green Gummy Bear chapter 1 . 8/13/2010
OOH! This is almost exactly what I think of humans... I'm not really proud to be one...
| Lee Whimsy chapter 3 . 5/8/2010
This is probably my favorite of the three. It's cute and fun, and has an almost limerick-ish feel to it (not the rhyme scheme, but in subject matter and attitude).
My favorite set of line was "some despise/your beady eyes/I say that they hypnotize". V. nice cadence there, and as someone who loves 'creepy' animals like rats I get the sentiment, too. :D
My only suggestion would be to merge "I love", "you", and "my precious rat" in the last lines, so your rhyme scheme and cadance stay more consistant.
Overall, a set of very enjoyable poems! Thank you heaps for sharing.
| Lee Whimsy chapter 2 . 5/8/2010
I'm actually a little conflicted about this poem. On the one hand, the simplicity and repetition help to tie the poem together, but given that the piece mainly consists of imagery and the 'beautiful things' refrain (not a bad thing at all) it feels like it repeats too often.
On another note, the line "lulling the forest to sleep" is beautiful.
One more poem to go!
| Lee Whimsy chapter 1 . 5/8/2010
As promised, I've come visiting from FF.N. Since I'm a tiny bit of a poetry geek, when I saw this set I glomped on to it!
My favorite lines: "All I see are beasts/fighting over a scrap of meat." Cool image, especially given the tie-in to the evolution theme-which I also quite liked, actually.
The only things that really shook me were the shortness of some of the lines (in some places it worked well, but when there were two or three short lines together it jostled me a bit) and the "But look!" near the end. The transition I liked, especially the ending line, but the two exclamation points in a row felt forced to me.
Now on to the next poem! :D
| magikarpenter chapter 3 . 4/1/2010
hehehe... It's jessyca as a young 'un. D'aw...