I enjoyed your story, but i thought i went a little bit to fast. It was very confusing at times, and more often than not important things that should be explained arent. Work on your description and your story will be much better! Also, you have trouble following the plot of a chapter. Its all over the place at times. Other than that it was good.

This story is like great!

write more!;o)

AtouchofmagiC xx

Ah! OMG! It's really sad that Nick died but Ruby better wake up or else! :P Update soon! :)

Interesting I really like it! :]

This story is amazing! I get so nervous at some parts! I can't wait for the next chapter! :]

I hate their father! Good for Ruby to stand up for her mother!

sounds like our convos on msn ;D

keep writiing otherwise i might have to kill you(:

ily

x

No no no no no:(:( I completely hate Robbie rite now! I hope Ruby seeks comfort with Josh just to piss off Robbie!

Great chapter. Something bad is going to happen next one? Oh man. Well it should be interesting. Looking forward to the drama. Isn't the show the next day too?

Oh no what do you mean by "shall be worse then crying over Message In A Bottle"? Whatever you mean it does not sound good! I hope no one breaks up!

omg this story rocks. of course we love it! ill be waiting for th next chapter... :P

So far Ruby is the coolest chick! Robbie, foul play, but he is hot

lolz mine too! where are u? austrlia? i'm in australia n right now i can't feel my legs! or hands!

o lala... cnt wait den.

oh n luved dah cat fite! dat waz kul! lolz

i've neva hrd of dat Fi chick bt she is 1 heck of a Bi-arch!

keep dah gud work! ;P

this has a lot of potential! it's really fresh and the characters- especially Ruby- seem pretty unique.

HOWEVER. you have lots and lots of grammar mistakes and spelling errors and just awkward sentences. can i recommend getting a beta to work out some of the kinks for you?

I would definitely take a look at the paragraph beginning with "Girls only want...". You talk about who's in the "royalty group" and you say "considered" instead of consisted, "closets" instead of "closest". I would take out the little parentheses blurb "(who are not as slutty as your [you're] thinking right now) seeing as I'm a cheerleader as well". that bit. and the line after this paragraph comes out of nowhere. It kind of smacks you in the face.

Also, in the beginning, right after the flashback, you say they're not a loyal group anymore, though you go on to show it's quite the opposite in the rest of the chapter. There's also a run-on sentence in there.

This story will be fantastic, but I think you need to put in a tad more work on grammar, run-ons, spelling, etc. You have the talent, I think. Every author has that little bit that trips them up.

I can't wait to see how the rest of this turns out!

~EL